This song made me think of Buffy and Spike but don't tell them I said so...,

[red_satin_doll]

I heard Lobo's 1972 hit "Baby, I'd Love you to Want Me" the other day for the first time in years, and something about the lyrics struck me as fitting Buffy/Spike so well, particularly from Spike's point of view:

When I saw you standing there
I about fell off my chair
When you moved your mouth to speak
I felt the blood go to my feet

Now it took time for me to know
What you tried so not to show
Something in my soul just cries
I see the want in your blue eyes

Chorus :
Baby, I'd love you
to want me
The way that I want you
The way that it should be
Baby, you'd love me to want you
The way that I want to
If you'd only let it be

And that's Spike, all right, down to a T I think Although he'd never admit to listening to Lobo or any early '70's easy listen MOR pop music, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd had a stash of the stuff hidden somewhere, like Xander and his country music, for the moments when he was drowning his sorrows over Dru or Buffy in whiskey and blood. (Hey, vampire, remember?)

And I know some fans will disagree with me, but there's something of his self-delusion here as well "If you'd only let it be" is a theme that seems to run throughout the entire series, in terms of Buffy's men: I know you better than you know yourself.  It's a sense of ownership and entitlement expressed by Angel, Riley, Giles, the WC, even Xander to a degree and, yes, Spike; all of which can be read as a metaphor for patriarchal institutions and attitudes in our culture, and each male character is affected to some degree or another.  (And, FYI - patriarchy hurts men as well as women.)  

But it's the second verse that really killed me:

You told yourself years ago
You'd never let your feelings show
The obligation that you made
For the title that they gave

I can write a thousand meta essays but there's Buffy's story and central conflict, distilled down to four lines.

Comments

[waddiwasiwitch.livejournal.com]

That song is so them. Great point about patriarchy.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Great point about patriarchy.

I meant to say a lot more about that - but I had to run downstairs because my S.O. had dinner waiting. Sometimes less is more, right?

[kikimay]

Perfect song!
And great point about patriarchy. *waits for meta*

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Which one, sweetie? :)

[kikimay]

ALL METAS! *C*

[rebcake.livejournal.com]

This is another tangent, but your reference to I know you better than you know yourself assumptions pinged with me. I always find it really disconcerting when people make odd assumptions about me, and the closer the relationship, the more dissonant when the assumption is off target. I used to think it was just guys trying to overlay their picture of ideal womanhood or something. It made things very simple. If a guy ever said, "You're the kind of girl who _____________." Well, that guy was not going to get any traction with me. (The blank could be anything. "Likes canned vegetables" was one. Huh?)

But I have a very good girlfriend who is still puzzled that I never showed any romantic interest in a mutual friend of ours. And, well, that was never going to happen, so I have to wonder how someone who seems to know me so well could get it so wrong. IDK.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

It's quite ON tangent, actually, and I find myself repeating that point a lot - perhaps too often in my metas and comments elsewhere.

It seems to be inherent in humans - probably all animals, and I know there are plenty of sociological studies out there - that we make assumptions with strangers and new places or situations. It's supposedly the outgrowth of our having to learn "lion dangerous, bunny dangerous (unless you're Anya)" etc. It's a survival tactic that's still useful BUT I find the same thing occurs with people who are supposed to know me, and I know I do the same in kind.(I did it to someone on LJ yesterday, actually) But yes, with myself and EVERY person I know who has self-identified as having dealt with depression (themselves or someone else close to them), I hear the same thing: "You are....You just need to...You're not." And ALWAYS from a spouse, significant other, family member in those specific instances.

I used to think it was just guys trying to overlay their picture of ideal womanhood or something. It made things very simple.

Definitely not limited to guys. Off-tangent here: lesbian relationships are not as "different" from straight ones as some people would like to believe (including married women who fantasize about being with a woman in a romantic way because they think that "other women are so understanding." That, my friends, is horsehooey.)

(The blank could be anything. "Likes canned vegetables" was one. Huh?)

WTF? I just - there are no words for that. I'm glad you see that for the condescending and insulting shit that is (unless the person really means something else by it but is EXTREMELY bad with expressing themselves but I don't see how that could be interpreted any other way. And the recipient of the message is the one who gets to decide if it's insulting or not, regardless of intent.)
Because I know there are people - men and women out there - who would simply take it because they don't think they deserve any better.

I have to wonder how someone who seems to know me so well could get it so wrong.

I wonder if you've seen a pattern with your friend of lacking sympathy/empathy, or being unable to connect to others in some way? Or again, projection - she has feelings for this person and can't imagine why anyone else wouldn't feel the same? I've been there, I think - love makes us do the wacky.

I have/had a friend, someone very intelligent and wise in many ways, and certainly not homophobic as far as I could see, who informed me that she was CERTAIN that after my current relationship was over, I would end up with (or seek out) a man for my next partner. I suppose that's not beyond the realm of possibility but again with the Huh? Why would she make that assumption. 'tis a mystery.