red_satin_doll

Click on all images below to view full-size (They don't look at all right downsized. 'tis most distressing.) All artwork by me unless otherwise noted.

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Gift from my amazing friend and a jewel of this fandom

spikesredqueen for my birthday (Feb 2015, not snaggable)

"Winged Buffy" banner, a gift from the fantastically talented and generous

comlodge, (June 2013, not snaggable)

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*My LJ is Hugs Central (mostly.) Appropriate and consensual ones, of course. Safety and fun are at a premium here, so play nice with one another. Leave the weapons at the door, wipe your feet on the mat, and help yourself to some tea and homemade cookies.

...by any other name. (June 2014)

* Buffy is my Big Damn Hero and my #1 HBIC - because she's flawed and human and real. Because she loves deeply; she falls down but still fights, she grieves and endures, again and again. Because she breaks the rules and finds another way; because of her intelligence, intuition and wit. Because in watching her I identify with my own issues and strengths, and have a renewed appreciation for my mom as well.

* Because in talking about her with other fans, in telling my story through her, in voicing my truth, I discover that I'm not alone in my challenges, faults, and grief; that I don't have to be imprisoned by secrets and shame; and in sharing this, I can bring comfort to others. And because at the end of the day, Buffy gives me hope; and sometimes that's enough to make getting out of bed in the morning worthwhile. And because she is just so freakin' adorable, y'all.

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Keep Her Safe (alt 1) (March 2015)

* I love intelligent discussion of , and appreciation for , the ladies of the verse and their complex interrelationships at the core of the 'verse: mothers, sisters, mentors, students, friends, lovers, enemies, allies. The Buffyverse without it's women would be a cold, barren place: ("that bright optimism that becomes a great, raw wound-red in The Body" -

the_royal_anna ). They bear witness to one another, the hurt one another when they don't mean to, they love even when it's difficult and painful to do so.

* And yes, this also includes Kennedy. No vitriol. No joke. (Tara would not approve of the hate. A lot of the complaints I've seen about her are suspicously close to those lobbed at Buffy, btw.) Entitled? Yes. Arrogant? Uh-huh - and also loyal, courageous, stubborn and gentle. She's a "queer woman of color..that is allowed to be the hero."

* The Buffy & Tara friendship/connection is one of the most underappreciated aspects of the 'verse IMO. This WILL be rectified. I ~~don't~~ ship Buffy/Tara, ~~but~~ if that's what it takes to get fandom talking about them? A fangirl's gotta do what a fangirl's gotta do. (ETA 2014: I have seen the light of the true religion: Buffy/Tara shipping. I ship those girls so freakin' hard. Now say amen, somebody.)

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My OTF/P (August 2014)

*In fact, let's just say "No bashing female characters, period." There's plenty of other places to do that, if that's your thing. The show's failures in terms of the depictions of women, of female sexuality, the lack of mature female characters, the massive fail in terms of race and class? Always up for intelligent, civil discussion and examination.

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* OTOH, I do reserve the right to ~~bitch about~~ ~~call out their shit criticize~~ objectively analyze and take issue with certain whiny, self-absorbed males on the series and their collective patronizing jackassery. Don't get me wrong, I can understand them, sympathize with them, and so forth. Xander trying to be a "better man" than his father? Even when he gets it wrong? I heartily approve. (I'll still call him out on his shit, though.) It's simple math: Grow up, get real or go home. Also I welcome any and every opportunity to make fun of Angel. Particularly when penguins are involved. As well they should be.

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I Walk Alone, another beautiful gift from

comlodge based on her FFL picspam series for Round 18 of

seasonal_spuffy.

* I 'ship Buffy&Spike S7 . Love in action is the hardest, most painful and most worthwhile work we can ever do - and IMO it trumps "true love" romantic fantasies every time. (That said, I fully support the right to ship Buffy with anyone you damn well please.) But he is not my central focus here. Nor are any of the men of the 'verse, except in terms of how they serve Buffy's story. It turns out the protagonist of the "Buffyverse" is some gal named Buffy. Weird, huh?

For which there is no good excuse - especially since I'll be away from the 'puter from Wednesday night onward. And there is much to see, much to do, much to promote! So let's get cracking:

Banner by tempertemper Oct 2015

First off, THANK YOU very much to the voters at

slayerstillness for awarding my Buffy/DMP icon Best Crop in Round 54 and thank you

tempertemper for the pretty pretty banner to go with! And congratulations to

sweet_lyri,

crazycordy and

emmatheslayer for your wins this round! The theme was "Roy G Biv" and we could submit up to 7 entries, one for each color of the rainbow (hence TT's clever banner design. As per usual I love her font choices here.)

My entries 1 - 7. I was delighted when both 6 and 7 vied with one another in the Best Crop tiebreaker, but genuinely surprised that 7 led by a 2-1 margin. I would have voted for the vamp!Buffy icon myself. Shows you what I know.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whedon_elite: Vote for the best of the best out of 32 entries in Challenge 128 "Shades of Grey". Never mind that I haven't voted yet because I'm still making up my mind. (Did I mention there were 32 entries?) I've had a love affair with black and white photography going back decades, so this challenge is particularly pleasing to me - and what a stellar array of entries! (32, count 'em, 32.) Deadline for voting is sometime tomorrow (10/20) so don't delay on this one.

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seasonal_spuffy: The banner poll for Round 18, celebrating the comm's 10th Anniversary, is up! (10 years? Can you dig that?) 16 wonderous entries to choose from. Oh such pretty, pretty things to choose from....! Fortunately you have about a week before the poll is up per

teragramm - and can we have a big round of applause for her work on the comm as the Ambassador of Art? But that said, don't wait around until the last minute and then find yourself out of the loop, ok? (Did I mention it's the 10th Anniversary?)

This banner poll makes me wish there were a friendly, comfy forum where folks could get together and talk about the banners or about making fanart in general - how they were made, the artists' thought processes, the thought processes of voters and constructive critiques. I'm genuinely curious about all of these things and I love to learn from other people. But I know that's difficult to impossible because - 1) I know from personal experience that giving and receiving constructive criticism is a tricksy thing and too few people are versed in the art; leading to the 2) ugly, ugly implosions 3) potential for hurt feelings all around, and finally 4) a lot of our reactions to visual arts are emotional, not intellectual, and fall along the lines of "...but I know what I like."

Thoughts, Gentle Reader?

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btvsats20in20: Deadline for Round 13 is extended to Thursday, Oct 22. So if you have a last-minute jones to jump in, here's your chance. This is a very good thing because

bangel_4e is back in the game and I wanna see her Buffy claim - and

spikesredqueen's Willow claim. (For once I don't need an extension because I actually finished before the deadline - I think that's a first for me? Never mind that I pulled a few all-nighters *does exhausted happy dance*)

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If you haven't already voted in the Sunnydale Memorial Fanfiction Awards, you have until October 31st to do so! The list of nominees is long and illustrious and I WOULD NOT wait until the last minute if I were you.

And far be it from me to tell anyone what to vote for but I am more than happy to make suggestions and thus make your life easier (all of the below are safe for general audiences). The below list doesn't reflect everything I voted for by any means; these are simply some of my favorites.

Answering Prayers -

velvetwhip (Gabrielle) If you haven't discovered this story yet, you really do owe it to yourself.
Ipseity and Proud Trophies -

spuffy_luvr
The Girls in Question - TigerDragon (AO3)
The Sound You Found For Me -

punch_kicker15
red turns into green turns into yellow - lionheartedgirl (AO3)
In a Corner of My Soul -

dragonyphoenix
Beautiful Butterflies -

kikimay
Flight Patterns -

eurydice72
Giles and the Mountain -

rebcake
Undertow - faithtastic (AO3)
Somewhere Hot and Sharp and Shimmering -

aliceinkinkland
Tricks are for Magicians -

snogged

And now that you've immersed to overflowing in drama & angst here's some pure, unadulterated comedic fun:
Dirty Deeds - Imrryr (AO3)
blindr dot com, or, the importance of coconut-milk lattes to long-term success - antennapedia (AO3) I don't know this author, I don't ship B/G but this AU take is NOT to be missed.

Pretty much anything by the above-named authors, and also

brutti_ma_buoni,

rahirah,

the_moonmoth and

feliciacraft. My apologies to anyone I've overlooked or forgotten here.

A Vague Disclaimer is No One's Friend:

~ DO NOT RE-POST TO OTHER SITES (INCL. FANPOP) OR LJ COMMUNITIES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

~ Take what icons you like for personal use but please credit if used :)

~ No hotlinking!

~ Comments however are appreciated :)

~ All artwork by yours truly except where otherwise indicated.

Whilst real life keeps me suitably occupied for all but the quickest posts:

CONGRATULATIONS to the winners of

btvsats20in20 Round 7! I love the spread of names this time especially in Themes winners, there's no one dominating. I like that - a lot. And why not? There were so many beautiful icons and so many things that still had to be bypassed. Special congrats to

halliwell on her first win in this comm!

(If I were going to be banner maker this round and had banner makers choices amoung things that didn't win awards - which I must regretfully decline *sniffle* -

killing_kurare's Cold as Ice icon,

spikesredqueen's Buffy/Willow icon *points to userpic* and

kwritten's masterful entire AC would receive mentions.)

kwritten has a new Bara fic "no lies, no apologies" (with her own artwork) inspired by our recent conversations re: tropes in Buffy/Tara shipping and it's become something else entirely - an examination of the price of being a "good girl", of the ugly truths behind that mask, how "selflessness" becomes a sort of badge of pride, about girls from abusive, broken families not making one another whole, not magicially healing one another but reaching towards moments of solace.

Kelsey has been writing Bara fic since her blurring the lines series but I honestly think - if she'll forgive me for saying - she is now hitting her stride in her depictions of Tara as a complete and full-blooded, satisfyingly complex character. I claim this fic as a birthday present - because I said so, that's why - but I really hope everyone reads it, and I cannot wait to see what she does next.

Vote in Tiebreakers for Round 6 of

btvsats20in20. Make sure to vote in all three at the post; voting closes Friday January 23rd; which gives you at least a day to beat your friends out of the bushes and encourage them to vote.

buffyversetop5 is officially closed this session, which means no more posts this round - but it's like a party where the kitchen is closed but there's tons of food and drink still overflowing the buffet table and another gallery wall you probably haven't seen yet. I got in four posts of wonderful fics and artwork recs - better late than never? - thank you to

yourlibrarian and

petzipellepingo for hosting such an incredible party twice a year.

Right now I'm enjoying three fics that you can expect to see on my Top 5 recs for next January - why not start early this time around?:

Answering Prayers by

velvetwhip (Joyce/Angel, early S3 AU) is a marvelous, funny, touching "deleted episode" that focuses on Joyce's personal journey as a Slayer's mom but also as a woman and a person in her own right as she tries to find answers to where her baby girl might have gone and finds more than she bargained for. Why aren't there thousands of such stories? Why has Joyce been so overlooked in fandom? I don't know but this fic feels like an oasis in the desert and just might become the story that future fan writers build off of and around when it comes to writing about her. So far it's very PG (up to chapter 3 and no sex scenes) and I have no idea where Gabrielle is taking this. But I cannot wait to find out.

the kids are alright by

kwritten (Tara, Dawn, Buffy/Tara, S7-AU) the next segment in the B/T Finding a Balance 'verse, this one focuses on Tara's relationship with Dawn as surrogate parent, in a late seasons AU in which the women of the 'verse support and love one another, damaged children doing their best and somehow managing to keep the darkness at bay. I don't associate this author with "fluff" and this is - and it isn't. Again I ask, why aren't there a thousand fics about the Tara & Dawn relationship? This makes a lovely pairing with

brutti_ma_buoni's "The Real You".

Palimpset by

spuffy_luvr.

beer_good_foamy (Buffy/Spike - or is it, Buffy/William? - and Willow, AU S10 comics.) The link takes you to the epilogue, which has links to the previous four chapters. Think shades of "The Ballad of Randy and Joan" and

beer_good_foamy's "Building Character" but plottier, a wild ride with intricate issues of identity and agency roiling beneath the surface. I need to reread it before I can comment on the last two sections. It's incredibly subversive on several levels, not the least of which is the key role Willow and the Willow/Buffy relationship plays here; their friendship is not the sidenote in a spuffy fic, it's absolutely central. I've said this before:

spuffy_luvr is becoming a Willow author of note.

But first a word from our sponsor: voting in Round 4 of btvsats20in20 closes tomorrow October 9th so vote now if you haven't and tell your friends - bang the drum for gorgeous icons at a great, fun community. They deserve to be seen and appreciated.

Two recent Buffy/Tara fics by

kwritten reminded me that I'd yet to post the alts and extras from my Tara claim for Round 3 of

btvsats20in20.

"Her Bark is Worse Than Her Bite" : AU S6/S7 (Buffy/Tara, Dawn) to fill my prompt "thunder/courage" and request for a flawed, human Tara. The monotonous weight as well as the comforts of "domesticity" and "women's work", of school, slaying, housework, of incomes and emotions stretched thin. Buffy tries to be there for Tara and Dawn and hold her family together in a fragile moment. "You hung the moon in the sky just for her."

"Finding a Balance" : AU S4, (Buffy/Tara, mentions of ensemble) Buffy tries to hold herself together in college, alone, when her friends go off to far-flung corners, and meets the person who can give her what she needs. And a girl with large brown eyes and soft blonde hair sits down next to her with a crooked smile and a latte, “I think you’re freaking everyone out.” This isn't intended as a prologue to Kelsey's "blurring the lines" series, but it fits that series beautifully but for one small change in previous BtL canon. Just the "rewrite" of Hush is achingly gorgeous, as is this entire story.

This is the fic that finally pushed me from "Buffy & Tara are my One True Friendship I don't really ship them but I'll take what I can get all the way into "Buffy and Tara are my OTP I want to live in this world right now". And also, fix-it fics? I think I get it now, really get it; even if the things you and I want to fix are entirely different to one another. A 'verse where Buffy has a reliable source of support and love instead of fragile male egos to shore up even as her own self-esteem slowly crumbles? Riley who? Total fantasy. Of course it's seductive - and I want to live in it, if it's as beautiful, poetic, gossamer and densely layered as Kelsey's fics. Who doesn't want that for themselves?

Kelsey posted this around the time the marvelous

velvetwhip wrote "The Things You Find in Vending Machines" for me (S4 Buffy, Tara, gen); very different stories to Finding a Balance but both wonderfully true to the complexities of Buffy and Tara's personalities, and to Season 4's particular blend of humor and darkness. But I promised some artwork, and artwork you shall have:

01-02 Click for full-sized

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Teasers for more posters and icons under the cut:

03-04 Click for full-sized

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This isn't the full set of alts but it's most of the posters/banners. But these images were the focus of my category set: Tara as the One Who Gives Comfort, specifically to other women: Buffy, Anya and Willow. However I worried when I was done with my entries that I was falling into the trap I deplore, turning Tara into a stereotypical, all-knowing all-giving saint, the epitome of our cultural ideas about "femininity". Which is why I often ask for fic that depict Tara in a different light - flawed and fully human; the girl as capable of putting the lives at others at risk to protect herself (Family) as sacrificing her own life for the sake of a loved one (Tough Love). It's not that she doesn't have her failings on the show but they're downplayed; and in terms of receiving comfort from others, I have to turn to fan authors because the imagery is decidedly lacking. In

kwritten's stories, I get to have it both ways: Tara as one who gives and receives; and Buffy/Tara + Dawn OTF is pure comfort food for me right now.

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05-06 Click for full size

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07-09
These OTOH are already full-size, pretty much.

10-15

When I made these for Round 3 I was so thrilled because prior to, the best icons I'd been able to get from that scene in Dead Things were these (2013):

That scene and that image in particular is so dark, in ways that aren't apparent watching the show; and not deeply, intensely dark in the way that some early seasons episodes are, ("Amends") where you can bump up the exposure and still get a nice image; but muted and flat. The only way I could figure out how to get something workable at that point, with my beginner knowledge of ipiccy, was to mask the image around the girls out (something else I was trying to teach myself that round.) Then add grunge effects to in effect go with the images flaws rather than try to fight against them.

Now? I am still marveling at the journey taken ~~and not just seeing all the flaws and how much further to go~~ ooh look, pretties!

16-21

When I look at these the phrase "it's always sudden" takes on another layer of meaning: suddenly and unexpectedly finding a friend, a source of comfort and experience. Then I remember the sound of gunshots and breaking glass a year down the road. It's always sudden.

22-28

29-33
The Tough Love icons in chronological order as they were made. I used a photograph my sweetie took this past year for the background layer on #33 and my final Fear entry; I wanted to emphasize the strength and nobility, the sculptural timelessness and monumental quality of Amber's face.

34-38

39-44

I'd orignally planned the Dead Things icon for my Category set, so I decided to use grunge effects in the other four icons for continuity and the meta reasoning that I was creating "artifacts" of lesbians and lesbian life, of the sort I'd never seen in decades of watching old movies, combing through dusty libraries, and collecting vintage photosgraphs in antique stores. (#42) Except that idea sort of fell apart with these Willow/Tara images from the Body where I wanted to indulge in the soft glowing light between them, the way their skin looked like silk or carved of ivory. I fell a little in love with them all over again making these. I even considered making this scene the entire focus of my Category set and that might have worked better than what I settled on; there are certainly enough screencaps of Amber in that scene that I could have made it work. But I was too attached to the Buffy & Tara icons I'd already made.

Then I moved the Dead Things icon to Full Body theme instead of Category. My ways are inscrutable.

45-48

I really wanted to include that lovely image of Tara comforting Anya in my Category set; she is beyond lovely in it. But that icon was really so much darker than the other ones I used from The Body, so it works on its own but as part of the set not so much I think. Yes, that is the photograph of the trees in my backyard in #46 - again.

49-50
This is the last time I will ever attempt to use that photo of my landlord's rose as a layer in anything. Probably. (Maybe.) These don't quite work as I'd hoped but I do like the resemblance to the incised metal printing plates that you still might find in antique stores now and again.

You do know the drill, don't you? All snaggable, feedback is lovely, don't plagarize, hotlink or put on fanpop or other sites without my permission; want to change, edit, improve or play with any of these just check with me and show me what you've done.

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PLEASE VOTE NOW in three tiebreaker votes for

slayerstillness challenge 30! Don't forget to vote and press the button for each tiebreaker individually. Unlike Sister Red here. I make the mistakes so you don't have to. You're welcome. (Most creative is an interesting, um, conundrum for me. I'll explain all when the votin's over.)

LOOK AT THE PREZZIE I GOT!! "The Things You Find in Vending Machines" a season 4 ficlet with my beloved Buffy Summers and Tara Maclay (gen, set immediately post New Moon Rising) from the superb

velvetwhip as, of all things, a surprise thank you for the banner I made her for her wonderous "Soft and Pink and Very Sad"! THANK YOU so much. dear! This one is on the humous side of Gabrielle's palette - Buffy and Tara have a brief, awkward conversation in the dorm hallway - but there's a wonderful complexity to it, as is true of Gabrielle's work.

As I've noted elsewhere on my journal and hereabouts in fandom, Tara's store of courage, strength and even self-confidence is overlooked and underplayed not just in fandom but on the series itself. She pursued Willow in Hush, not the other way around, after all. I don't need the metaphor of monsters and Little Bads to recognize the courage that takes, and that it took for a young lesbian in the 1990's. (I know from experience.) Of course, Buffy would recognize and respect that in Tara. And of course she would want the best for her beloved best friend Willow. Gabrielle NAILS all that right here in a very short scene. (And the last line, as you'd expect, is ACES.)

It also hints at something else as well: the stereotype cherished by some straight women and lesbians, that a lesbian relationship is inherently nicer than a hetereosexual one; that women together are kinder, sweeter, more understanding, etc. It's a pretty fantasy, and terribly untrue. But completely understandable that Buffy would view W/T through that lens. And Gabrielle doesn't make a deal of it, in fact you mightn't notice, but it's there, lying beneath the humor and that's the important thing.

THANK YOU so much Gabrielle, I'm truly honored! (If I'd known the gift of a banner would lead to the gift of a fic I would have worked harder to learn how to make banners sooner!)

...dashing off something fun and lighthearted always helps. Besides, it's time I came out of the closet, don't you think? I've added version #1 below to my Welcome Post but I also like the slightly paler "vintage" version (#2) and a bright rainbow one with and without (#3) the torn paper frame, as well as the original. I can never decide between colorways but you know that about me by now, don't you?

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(A sneaky-peek of what awaits you after the cut, Gentle Reader)

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Click the images below for the full-size treats and enjoy:

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Which version do you prefer?

Let's face it: for me as a Buffy fan, shipping her with Spike - or Angel, Xander, Giles, Faith, Willow - hell, Clem for that matter - can be a freakin' joyless slog at times, something to be done privately with lips kept zipped. I can only read so many "bad Buffy, bad girl, for not duly appreciating my favorite character! No biscuit for you, bad girl!" before I begin to feel as though I've been lacerated up and down my entire spine and my shoulders ache from cringing so often. I have enough of that sort of thing in my real life relationships. Fandom is supposed to be fun, isn't it, or why participate? Ergo, Buffy/Tara shipping: all the warm hugs and pillowy comfort I could desire.

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Not that I don't ship Tara will Willow. If you think I nearly cried when I made the two W/T icons for this round of

btvsats20in20, you'd be correct. If you think I'm tearing up right now thinking about them, you'd also be right. Working on the icons from The Body reminded me why I loved them when I watched the show two years ago, why they still felt incredibly revolutionary to me over ten years after the show ended, why they matter to this middle-aged lesbian and to so many other people, young and old, gay, straight, and otherwise. This round increased my desire to "reclaim" them for myself and do a future Willow/Tara claim. Speaking of which -

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VOTING ENDS TOMORROW, JUNE 22nd for ROUND 3 of

btvsats20in20. (See what I did there?) There have been approximately 23 participating voters, some of whom are the 9 participating artists. That's a very very tiny voting populace in a fandom of thousands of people. Even if you don't like voting (which I admittedly don't) or disagree with the concept of awards for arts, do stop by and give the participating artists feedback. If you're snagging an icon, let the artist know. That's the best gift and reward of all for any artist: to know their work is not only appreciated but used and loved. So says I.

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I also said I wouldn't post my alts and extras from this round, including banners, until after the votes were tabulated. (Believe me I have no illusions about winning anything this round, 'cause that ain't happenin', and that's ok. ) However, I never promised not to post the Willow/Tara banner that actually was the inspiration for my Category set this round. I made this well over a year ago before I knew anything of ipiccy or vector masks, textures and layers, kits and kings and various things.

And Tara - oh, Tara. In addition to a W/T claim, there's Tara in S4, in S5, S6; by herself and in combination with Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Anya. Tara as a true "comfortador" in ways Xander can't even begin to dream of; Tara as fierce Mama Bear, Tara as witch and seer; as a bridge, with Dawn, between Manus and Spiritus, demonstrating that the two can be united even when Buffy and Willow are mistakenly locked in the extreme ends of the spectrum.

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Now for goodness sake, Gentle Reader, go and vote. Or stop to look and appreciate the fine art in the galleries, however you like. But do stop in...whilst I mop up my tears and make myself presentable for company.

My original claim for this round of

btvsats20in20 was Tara in S4, but

starry_night kindly allowed me to expand that.

Teasers

10 Themes
Full Body	Minimalism	Heartbreak	Yellow	Matching Background

Fear	Grunge	Favourite	Touch	Mod’s Choice

5 Category \|MAGNIFYING GLASS
Cat 1	Cat 2	Cat 3	Cat 4	Cat 5

5 Artist's Choice
AC 1	AC 2	AC 3	AC 4	AC 5

Alts and extras will follow in a separate post and oh boy do I have alts.

Comments - including honest critiques - welcome. (You can't be harder on these than I am.) If you're wondering what I was aiming for with the Fear icon, my inspiration was

clockwork_hart1's Tough Love Tara-POV fic "Shadows and Light".

My mom is coming for a week long visit tomorrow so if I do not reply to comments, that's why.

starry_night if you need to disqualify my entries, I understand and that's ok. I'm really not fussed about that. I learned a lot, and quality time spent with Tara Maclay is NEVER time wasted.

I would love to make more Tara icons, and more Willow/Tara icons. Oh goodness I could go on forever. But I've realized two things: 1) 20in20 isn't a good fit for me. 15 would be more like it. I have alternate versions but I run out of steam and then realize I have to come up with five more new ones. Ugh.

2) that my days of icon making are numbered. My new bifocals make it so much harder than before, slower; and I find myself thinking in terms of banners and large artworks as a consequence. The icons for Full Body, Touch, Cat 1 and Cat3 all started life as larger artworks. Which I will show off in another post because....

3) I FINALLY made artwork from the final scene in Dead Things that I'm happy with. (Thanks, ipiccy!)

ETA: According to yourlibrarian the Buffyverse Top 5 ends at 6pm EST in the US on Jan. 19th.

Took me three or four days to write this post celebrating my favorite friendship and non-canon OTF(amily). Not, mind you, three to four days sitting 8 hours straight at the computer, of course (more like, sit down, get up to do something, write a little more, go run errands in town, add another link, suddenly realize I'm hungry, come back and realize I'd added 6 stories, agonize over the descriptions, cook dinner, hit post. You know how it is...right?)

"Tara, did you check out these stories?"
"I told you there are people in fandom who love us just for ourselves, sweetie."

Every time I got on the computer to continue writing I'd peek nervously at the BT5 home page in case someone else did a post on the subject before I finished or rec'd the stories I planned to; because in this instance I literallly had five and only five stories on my list. Buffy and Tara friendship (or even B/T ship fics) are one of THE hardest things to find in this fandom. And the only reason I even had five on my list was because

punch_kicker15 rec'd new-to-me author

elviswhataguy and literally saved my biscuits.

So, no one in swooped in before me, thank goodness; nor has anyone else done a "5 female-centric fics by

clockwork_hart1" rec list. SHE'S MINE AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HER, PEOPLE. (I am, however, willing to share her on alternate Tuesdays.) No one else has done another meta list or an art list or...anything, actually, since

rebcake posted her AO3 list on Sunday...three days ago.

Not that I'm trying to be a nag or anything, folks but....oh who the hell am I kidding? Ask my sweetie, she'll tell you: I AM an old-school nag and yes, I am nagging you right here and now. (A gal's gotta play to her strengths.)

DON'T LET BT5 DIE OUT! I need recs, lots of recs! Art, icons, fics, vids, essays! Show me stuff I haven't seen before, introduce me to people and to corners of fandom I didn't know existed. Show me that buffyverse fandom is about more than just "shipping" (romance, porn, whathaveyou.) Remind me of the richness of this verse as well as the unrealized posssibilities. Tell me something I don't know. Surprise me. Celebrate your favorite people and things - pimpage (aka "love") is what makes the fandom go 'round.

How else do you think I'm going to fill my empty hours and hone my talent for endless procrastination this year?

And if you won't do it for me, then, um....think of the children?

I've never done a fandom "meme" before but kikimay picked up one from lokifan that I couldn't resist:

Comment on this post with CONVERSE. I will choose seven (five if you prefer) userpics from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are using them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so others can play along.

FYI: The first sentence means that you reply by typing that word "converse" and then I choose 5-7 of your icons, which you get to explain in the comments thread. (For examples see lokifan's meme post - and yes, I had to ask how this worked.)

I tend to use icons in three ways: 1) to express mood, 2) to "pay tribute" to my favorite characters or episodes; Buffy is my favorite fictional character, hence she's my primary avatar; or 3) because the icon is artistic/aesthetically pleasing. I try to chose or make ones that I haven't seen elsewhere, or are overused images. Kikimay chose the following five from my own:

1) Laughing Dead Things: One of the first BtVS icons I made; I wish I'd done a better job with it.. Most of my Buffy icons when Ifirst started my journal were very serious. I wanted something with Buffy laughing or smiling but also unique. Leave Me the White has screencaps from the outtakes or dailies of Dead Things, and the shot of Sarah breaking into laughter while trying to film the dream sequence is adorable. There are few things sexier than laughter. I also love the ironic contrast between that shot and the tone of the episode.

Full Disclosure: When I got internet service in my new apartment three weeks ago, I mulled over which Buffy episode to rewatch first. Something light and funny, perhaps, Life Serial, or....Oh who the hell was I kidding? It came down to two of my favorite episodes: "Who are You"and "Dead Things"; DT won by a hairsbreadth. The raw power of those two episodes, the way they parallel, bookend, and resonate with each other, including the similarity of the Buffy/Faith/Spike dynamics in each, the key role Tara plays in both eps, the literal or symbolic "identity hijacks", and the fact that WAY (and TYG) foreshadows S6 - is like nothing else I've ever seen on television. Frivolity, thy name is...not RedSatinDoll.

2) Tara does not approve: The official name for this one in my head is "Tara is not down with this shit." It shouldn't surprise you that Tara is the second most-frequent character in my icons. (If it does: Welcome! Have a cookie and make yourself at home.) I found this one on www.fanpop.com by "Laurik 2007" ; it was one of the first icons I grabbed when I was setting up this journal. I needed an icon that expressed "strong disapproval" as opposed to "seething rage"; this image is strong and simple. It's also my reminder that Tara was more than just a "saint"; the fact that it's the scene in Tough Love just seconds before Glory attacks her gives it an unsettling quality as well.

AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT: Can we agree that Tara enduring torture at Glory's hands almost silently, sacrificing her life, her mind, to protect Dawn is one of THE most horrifying moments in the entire series? Dawn and Buffy protected Tara in "Family" and here Tara returns the favor many times over. That is true courage, full stop. Why isn't she more frequently honored and celebrated in fandom for this?

3) Chosen One purple: valyssia made this icon and gave me permission to use; it's been my default icon ever since. I had to have it the moment I clapped eyes on it: love at first sight. Purple is one of my favorite colors, Buffy is my favorite character, I love the late seasons; but none of those would be sufficient of themselves. This is one of the most exquisite and artistic icons I've ever seen in every respect. valyssia is as talented a visual artist as she is a writer, and this icon is a masterpiece of the form.

4) Winged!Buffy: Like Chosen One purple, this doesn't express an emotion per se except my love of Buffy, beautiful fanart, and my gratitude for a delightful gift from a beloved friend. I've talked about this one previously, but long story short: comlodge made me the Winged!Buffy image as a gift, inspired by brutti_ma_buoni 's fic "The One With Wings" . I made it the image on my "welcome" post, and then with her permission created an icon of it, lightening the colors slightly in the spirit of Bottecelli's Primavera (Spring).

5) Dawn and Buffy: One of my favorite icons of those I've made. I love the Summers sisters, and had high hopes for plenty of interaction between them in S7. That didn't pan out but Him is one of the episodes that gave me hope - it's basically about the two of them, and the scene at the Bronze is one of my favorites. The argument feels so real of an older/younger sister dynamic, and I thought Dawn was going to slap Buffy when she mentioned Joyce. The scene just hurts and I hurt for both of them.

A few months back I made several Buffy & Dawn icons inspired by my love for them but also by kwritten's amazing meta series on Dawn and subsquent conversations. I originally was going to offer this out to everyone in an "icon dump" but loved it so much I decided to keep it. I love the contrast of Dawn in the foreground but out of focus, furious; Buffy in the background but in focus, obviously frustrated with herself and the situation. It makes a nice pairing with a couple of other icons I've done of them from Bargaining. with the focus reversed:

Bonus (i.e. cheat): I'm using one of my other favorites of the ones I've made here, Buffy & Tara Bargaining. I wanted a Buffy & Tara friendship icon and this was the first image where I got both of them together and got the image to my liking.

So here's the sequence of events (and there will be a pop quiz later, so pay attention please):

1)

clockwork_hart1 asked for fic requests in order to occupy herself whilst in the hospital. I asked for a Buffy & Tara friendship fic. She responded with "Talk to Me (That's What Friends Are For)" . In case you missed my pimpage the other day it's a "missing scene" that takes the dross of one of the mind-bogglingly worst episodes in the series, "As You Were" and spins pure gold from it. Buffy goes to Tara after the credits roll and offer each other compassion, kindness, and gentle understanding, punctuated by tears and laughter. The story also makes explicit a point that, like every other connection between them, is underplayed and overlooked: Both Tara and Buffy have, at some point in the series, believed themselves to literally be "demons", to be "wrong" at their very being and been scarred by that belief. (And

clockwork_hart1 wrote this while recovering in the hospital, people. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!)

2)

comlodge read the story and created a gorgeous Buffy and Tara friendship banner for it. There's something in the delicate coloring that emphasizes the emotional fragility of the characters, even as the text from the Burt Bacharach/Carol Sager song assures us of the strength of their bond. She used one of the screencaps from that last scene in Dead Things of Buffy and Tara in Buffy's living room. (You know that scene, right? The one that smashes my heart into tiny pieces no matter how many times I watch it, and is one of the reasons Dead Things was the very first ep I had to watch when I finally got internet in my new apartment?)

comlodge is known and loved mostly for her Spike fanart but every time she turns her attention to other characters in the 'verse she knocks it out of the park.

ETA: And she did another Buffy & Tara banner just before that I only just now saw - same scene, but the moment where Buffy's head is in Tara's lap, sobbing "Please don't forgive me." Very different tonal feel from one banner to the other; both of them equally gorgeous. It's not who she's sleeping with that is, at heart, the issue here IMO; it's her shame and guilt regarding her own behavior. (And has anyone else noticed that Joyce's photograph is next to Tara in that scene btw?) Imagine that she's sleeping with Xander; or random strangers off the street and the scene plays exactly the same way.

MORE, PLEASE. I have to say that all these "presents" and creativity, one idea leading to another, a work in one medium inspiring another and who knows what either one will inspire in turn? This is one of the finest aspects of fandom - of this fandom in particular. Also of interest to me if nobody else: Thanks to

clockwork_hart1 I have been a beta for the first time ever in Buffyverse fandom. That's a present (to me) in and of itself.

SO NOW I'M GOING TO MAKE ANOTHER REQUEST: A BUFFY and TARA FANVID. Something that emphasizes the parallels between them. Or one that focuses on Tara's role in the Buffyverse outside of W/T: sister, friend, mother-figure; the stranger who truly "sees" (Who are You); the bridge between Buffy's symbolic sisters (Willow and Tara) and her literal sister (Dawn), who replaces Faith as the "harbinger of Dawn" (Restless); the girls marked out as "different, demonic" and carry that shame within themselves; and so forth. I can provide the meta ideas, if need be.

Anyone want to take me up on it?

Current Mood: giddy

"Talk to Me (That's What Friends Are For)" by

clockwork_hart1 is a response to my request for a Buffy and Tara friendship fic in which Tara ISN'T depicted as a perfect saint. She came through with this missing scene: Buffy goes to Tara after the credits roll in As You Were, talk about their broken relationships, offer one another a moment of solace and wonder "Am I doing the right thing, and what does "right thing" even mean?" Two motherless (and de facto fatherless) young women struggle and encourage each other towards a place of honesty that they can't share with anyone else.

"Buffy could hear the conversation they weren't having beneath the one they were."

The moment where Buffy thanks Tara for taking care of Dawn the summer between S5 and S6 just about did me in. I don't think I've seen it in another fic, the show didn't bother to give it to us; and in clockwork's telling I can almost hear Buffy's voice break and soften to a whisper.

ETA: This fic was written the other day while clockwork was in the HOSPITAL. And dealing with a freakin' FEED TUBE, no less. (Which has led to an interesting discussion re: American vs UK health care systems, but I digress...) Have I ever written anything while in the hospital? NO. (I'm just too grumpy and sleepy and those are definitely not my favorite dwarves.)

I am so not worthy....

Between this,

dragonyphoenix writing a Giles as Big Bad fic, and

comlodge's Winged!Buffy pretties, I have got to start to making requests more often because it is SO much fun to see the results.

(It probably goes without saying that if you LOVE Spike as fiercely as I love Buffy and/or you just hate her...um...this might not be the fic for you. Vague disclaimers are no one's friend but they make for a handy acquaintance.)

Today I was at the house all day attempting to clean up the mess after the fire, with no electricity, etc. Fun. I pulled out one of my rescued-from-the-chaos-but-still-damp notebooks and decided to transcribe it to a clean new notebook to pass the time (aka "procrastinating, with feeling"). Instead of transcription I found myself, 2-4 hours later (I didn't look at my phone and had no idea how much time passed) with a basic but workable "outline" for the Buffy & Tara friendship metas I've been wanting to write. I've got ideas by the truckful but I've always been perplexed as to how to organize the role Tara plays in btvs and specifically Buffy's story: episode by episode seemed logical to me; it worked for my meta on "Ted" to focus that way. Except my brain doesn't work that way. For instance, when I watch or think about "Who are You", I see nearly the entirety of S6 played out in miniature. I watched the B/S handfasting in Chosen and my mind leapt backward to W/T's handfasting in Hush. My mind delights in these sorts of connections, which partly explains my love for the tv show but it makes it damn difficult to organize my thoughts. Today I was apparently lucky - time to myself (I busted ass afterwards cleaning, I promise you) and I started writing down Tara's various roles in the show. That allowed me to make those connections freely without the feeling of going "off track", as happens with a focus on a singular episode. (Although I could do an entire book of essays and fannish squee about "Who are You" alone and if I'm lucky I just might.) whether or not I'll get time with the computer again to be able to shape and post this, I have no idea. Part of what's interesting to me about this is the fact that I didn't look at any of my notes scattered across five books, I just wrote, and the ideas were all there because I know them so well. That's something I can't do with the rough drafts of fics I've written; I can't recreate them from memory. The word order is so so very specific in fiction. And it doesn't matter if it's pretty close to "finished" (ie something to pass on to a beta or just post already, damn it) or if it's very rough scribbles in a notebook as with my meta notes today. Which may be part of what makes fan fiction and non-fiction writing different experiences for me as a writer. But then again, if I had to totally reproduce a nearly-finished meta essay entirely from memory, would I be able to? Am I comparing apples with pomegranates? I wonder if anyone else had had similar experiences especially if you've written in both fiction and nonfiction?

ETA: Additional screencaps added below cut - which has also been added. (Post in haste, repent at leisure.)

Take a Moment: by

lanoyee. Gen, Buffy, Tara, Dawn. A "deleted scene" , post-"Grave"; Buffy bids a friend good-bye. Spare, elegant and melancholy, it's a scene I wish had been in the show. One of the things I love best about BtVS is how unsentimental it is generally, but sometimes, what I want and what I need are one and the same; no one else can determine that for me. This story gives me both, and it honors one of the most overlooked friendships in the Buffyerse: Buffy and Tara.

lanoyee recently began transferring some of her female-centric & Buffy-centric meta from her tumblr to her LJ ~~because I begged~~ at my request. In our conversations about one of our favorite shared subjects, the interrelationships of the women on BtVS, the same words kept coming up over and over: overlooked, underestimated, underappreciated, etc. When it comes to Buffy especially, her relationships with other women generate a lot less ink, as far as I can tell, than her relationships with the men in her life; it's easy to forget how central Joyce, Dawn, Willow, Faith etc are to Buffy's story, to her heart. Spike and Angel may be in her heart; Joyce and Dawn are her heart, they are her blood. And yet at the same time the show demonstrates that importance of "not in blood but in bond" relationships, to quote Kikimay's recent comment.

"Take a Moment" was written shortly after a conversation

lanoyee & I had about Buffy & Tara in particular, i.e. Why doesn't anyone talk about their relationship? About Tara's role in Buffy's story? Because it's not something I need to fanwank out of thin air, or squint to see: It's right there onscreen; they have a connection to one another that Buffy never shares with Anya, or at least until "Selfless" brings the "Xander's Lie" arc full circle.

pocochina thankfully mentions their connection in her 2011 meta character study of Tara, summing it up in quick, vivid strokes in just two paragraphs.

I'd call Buffy & Tara my OTF (one true friendship) except that's bullshit: aside from Buffy being my favorite character in the 'verse (and possibly in fiction, period) when it comes to this show, I may prefer certain things but I don't "OT_" anything. But FUFAW (Favorite Underappreciated Friendship Among Women) is pretty unwieldy, and sound like either a disease or something two cats would do in an alley.

Tara may not get a lot of time on the show, and she and Buffy rarely interact directly but she plays a key or essential role in some of the best episodes of the series, and when she does, she not only sings, she soars: "Hush", which both mirrors and flips Buffy and Willow's first encounters in "WTTH"; "Who are You", in which she is the only character to realize that Faith isn't really Buffy, and she's never even met Buffy before; "Restless", as a dream guide to Buffy her connection to Dawn, as a sister, becomes explicit; "Family" begins with Buffy verbally committing to protect Dawn from Glory after learning that Dawn isn't "real", and ends with Buffy and Dawn protecting Tara from the Maclays and naming her as one of their own: "Who do you think you are?" / "We're family." (I recently rewatched that episode waiting for a conversation between Buffy and Tara at the end at Tara's birthday party, and was shocked to realize it wasn't in the episode at all, but rather from

snowpuppies's fic "Here Comes the Sun" )
Speaking the words: "family" "sisters" "Summers blood" makes the commitment as physical and as real as mixing her own blood with Dawn's in BT.

Not in blood alone, but in bond.

The relationships between the women of the Buffyverse aren't an afterthought, something set to the side, they are absolutely central to it; and unlike most tv and movies shows I grew up with, the women of the Buffyverse don't relate only to the men, who in contrast enjoy rich friendships with one another. (Remember the popularity of the "buddy movie" esp in the 1980's?) That, for me, is one of the strengths of the Buffyverse. The women matter, and they matter to one another, as literal and metaphorical mothers, sisters, daughters, rivals, friends, and allies. They love, and choose to love, even when it's painful and difficult to do so.

And this may be behind my frustration or impatience with Angel, Riley and Giles. Yes, they have to leave, yes I get it, blah blah bitty blah. They can't stand the "fire" of love, so they get out of the kitchen, out of "women's space" literally and figuratively. I could devote an entire meta just to "Joyce's kitchen" as symbol of the Mother Principal, of Mater. The room where Buffy fights to protect Joyce in "Angel" and "Ted", where they have their worst fight in "Becoming Pt 2", where Joyce reaffirms her admiration and pride in Buffy in "Helpless", is also the room we associate with Tara's pancakes, and Spike fights for Buffy in "Touched". (The Mother Principle is not about literal gender.) It means something. They "chose" Mater and reaffirm the importance of love - raw, real, and messy love in all it's aspects, not the illusion of "romance". They bear witness to one another: you're important. You matter. I love you. I believe in you. Yes you fucked up, but you can do better next time. I understand you - or maybe I don't, but I can offer you comfort.

It's why we don't see Angel and Riley in the final battle in "Chosen" nor should we. It's why Giles absolutely has to "bend his knee" to the Warrior of the People, the Queen - and thank the stars that she is a benevolent one - if he expects to stand next to Buffy at the end. Or rather, behind her, in the final scene.

And it's one reason - of many - why Tara's absence in "Chosen" hurts so deeply; she earned the right to be there. Not as Willow's lover, not as a "perfect, faultless human being" (which she isn't, despite the tendency to canonize her as saint), and not even as Buffy's friend but as a powerful woman in her own right.

If I don't go into the politics overmuch here it's because I have a LOT more to say on the subject and am saving it for the moment; but also because it's dominated the discussion re: Tara for over ten years. Rage or silence and little in between the two. If I focus on her death, then I fail to celebrate her life, and it's worth celebrating. Her very existence as the first three-dimensional lesbian character in a realistic lesbian relationship is worth celebrating. And deserves a much better legacy than shameful silence and lack of any such characters that still exists - or rather, doesn't exist - in US television ten years later.

As long as we share her story she'll never lack for mourners and lovers, but if we fail to do so then she "dies", utterly and completely.

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Page Summary

My Corner of Buffyverse Fandom and Welcome To It
Your Town Cryer - Has Been Falling Down on the Job Lately
The Winners of Round 7 have been announced! Plus, new fic from Kwritten....
And all things various:
GRANT HER CONSOLATION: Tara artwork (alts/extras Round 3)
GO vote at Slayerstillness and VELVETWHIP WROTE ME A BUFFY & TARA GEN FIC, COME SEE!
SLOW LIKE A TORTOISE: Whilst I try to come back into the fandom swing of things...
My Entries for Round 3 of btvsats20in20: TARA MACLAY, A WOMAN FOR ALL SEASONS
I FINALLY finished my Top Five Buffy & Tara fics rec list at Buffyverse Top 5! (Whew!)
Icon Meme from Lokifan & Kikimay (In which my efforts to be frivolous don't turn out as planned)
Buffy and Tara fanart by Comlodge (Oh my!) The good stuff just keeps on coming.
Ask Nicely and Ye May Well Receive: Buffy, Tara friendship fic by Clock_hart1
If I write meta about writing meta - will the universe fold in on itself?
The Earth Her Body - Fic by La Noyee, (and random thoughts about the women of the 'verse) (1/?)

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Entries tagged with pairing: buffy/tara

My Corner of Buffyverse Fandom and Welcome To It

Your Town Cryer - Has Been Falling Down on the Job Lately

The Winners of Round 7 have been announced! Plus, new fic from Kwritten....

And all things various:

GRANT HER CONSOLATION: Tara artwork (alts/extras Round 3)

GO vote at Slayerstillness and VELVETWHIP WROTE ME A BUFFY & TARA GEN FIC, COME SEE!

SLOW LIKE A TORTOISE: Whilst I try to come back into the fandom swing of things...

My Entries for Round 3 of btvsats20in20: TARA MACLAY, A WOMAN FOR ALL SEASONS

I FINALLY finished my Top Five Buffy & Tara fics rec list at Buffyverse Top 5! (Whew!)

Icon Meme from Lokifan & Kikimay (In which my efforts to be frivolous don't turn out as planned)

Buffy and Tara fanart by Comlodge (Oh my!) The good stuff just keeps on coming.

Ask Nicely and Ye May Well Receive: Buffy, Tara friendship fic by Clock_hart1

If I write meta about writing meta - will the universe fold in on itself?

The Earth Her Body - Fic by La Noyee, (and random thoughts about the women of the 'verse) (1/?)

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June 2021

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