red_satin_doll

1) Pimping:

btvsats20in20 Round 2 wonderful icon sets by

debris4spike's Season 1 icons. (She made a Joyce & Jenny icon! *flings confetti*) The deadline for all Round 2 entries is July 9th.(Not nervous, not nervous, nope, not me not nervous *gulp*)

2) Rocking the vote: Vote NOW in

slayerstillness Challenge # 27 "Hair porn". Only 23 entries this round, still hard as heck to decide. Deadline is tomorrow, Tuesday the 8th, midinight in your time zone. BTW, challenge #28 "Angel Investigations" is now up.

3) Thanking everyone who voted my Anne icon "Most Creative" in

slayerstillness Challenge #26 "The Same But Different", and indeed thank you to everyone who voted for any of my Anne or Willow/Tara icons. I love seeing the unlocked voting threads; even if I don't win, seeing that at least one person voted for one of my icons is always a little morale-booster.

01) Yep, it's this cap from from "Anne". I've used it before but I wanted to see if I could get better results in ipiccy than in Photobucket alone. And I was still upset at losing my job unexpectedly and something about playing with this image was balm to my soul. Glorious Buffy. Is it awful to admit that I went into this wanting to win Most Creative specifically? I think the whole "life sucks right now I need something to smile about" probably had a lot to do with it. I know there are folks who haven't won anything, ever. I should be ashamed - or should I?

4) Thanking comlodge and chasingdemons for their tips, advice and hand-holding. While

comlodge works on the official banners for Slayerstillness challenge 26, which are such a treat to receive and make my icons look better than they actually are, I decided to put into practice some of the tips and advice she and

chasingdemons generously offered me on techniques/tools such as blending and layers, which is a whole new country for me, to make my first "practice awards banners." NOT the official deal, just playtime and practice:

01-02)

I think #1 came out better than most of the Dark Willow icons I've put together for

btvsats20in20 *pout* And it was the hardest of these four to make because I'm so new with layers and it seems simple but it's a lot of work planning each layer. Holy moly. I have a LOT more understanding and respect for what goes into these awards buttons and for working with layers in general. Miles to go, miles to go....

Anne peach blue

03-04)

These two are a bit overly-fancy for real awards buttons; the idea IMO is to create something that the recipient will enjoy receiving, that makes the icon look great but doesn't overwhelm it and these are definitely "overwhelming". But so much fun - I couldn't resist going overboard with reflections and frames to play with the "mirror imagery" of the icon itself.

MORE artwork to come. Here be teasers.

Thanks of course to my beta-muse-god

wickedbish for selecting my Anne icons to enter. Without him I'm nothing. Congratulations to

tempertemper,

teragramm,

rua1412,

iconsoleander and

kwritten for their winning entries. (Half the fun of that round was guessing who made what, and I guessed

rua1412,

teragramm, and

kwritten's correctly based on my familiarity with their style and subject matter.) Such an amazing round, so many beautiful choices. I feel very fortunate to have won (earned?) Most Creative - to have won anything this round, with so many stunning choices.

My other four Anne entries (2-5) plus extras

02-08)

09-15)

16-20)

# 16 was actually my entry in

otherworldlyric challenge 176. Didn't win, didn't deserve to, but I had fun making it. I prefer the "vintage" coloring of 17 & 19.

***

I wish I had done better on the Willow/Tara (with a little Spuffy on the side) set. I nearly cried looking at that cap from Entropy. My icons are not as good as I wanted them to be and I'd wanted to do right by Willow & Tara because I've so rarely attempted W/T icons, In fact, I've rarely attempted lesbian "imagery" in words or pictures. Making this set I was reminded again that I grew up without a "vocabulary" for expressing love between two women and despite nearly two decades of real life lesbian life, it doesn't come naturally to me.

21) This one is my favorite of that set - The Body + Entropy. Those kisses were broadcast over a decade ago but two years ago they still brought me to my knees. I wonder if it would have made a difference to me growing up if I'd seen kisses like these on tv in the '80's and had a context, an image for two women in love. Here's the rest of that set plus some extras, of course:

22-29)

30-37)

#37 was potential entry to OWL that I decided against. The Tabula Rasa + Entropy icons 25, & 32-36, were better in theory than in practice.

I'm enjoying making larger works lately, in part because my skills are improving; in part because my eyesight has deteriorated to the point that I had to order bifocals last week and can barely see what I'm doing when I make icons lately. (And ye gods I hated typing that sentence, but 'tis true. Better ugly glasses than living in near-blindness.) But also because I like making things that are meant for someone else and for a very specific purpose.

Which won't stop me from making icons, or making bigger works for no other reason than I'm having too much fun. (And I swear I'll return to Willow and Tara another time. I'm determined to come up with something wonderful for them.)

Click on the image below for the full-sized version - and please tell me if that actually works or not.

Congratulations to rua1412 and kwritten for their winning icons in otherworldlyric challenge #171 ("Origins")! Two of the three winners were my personal vote-getters and I'm not saying which. (Unless you ask nicely and offer bribes.)

The deadline for the current otherworldlyric challenge #172 "Watching Me Fall" is Friday, May9th - which is tonight in my part of the world. With apologies for the very late reminder. But the folks who work best under tight deadlines will relish the challenge (right?)

Many thanks as always to my awesome beta-Muse, wickedbish for his sharp eye, gentle guidance and record-time response with my OWL entries. He picked out the top three of the lot and there was no quibble on my end. My entries:

1) 2) 3)

And here's some of the icons I made for the challenge but didn't submit. #4 probably would have been my fourth choice to submit. 5 and 8 don't have text; I never got to that point and decided they didn't need it.

4) 5) 6) 7) 8)

9) 10) 11) 12) 13) 14)

15) 16) 17) 18) 19)

Things I have learned in this round:

1) That there's not a lot of Tough Love icons out there.

2) That making TL icons was in some ways more painful or difficult for me emotionally than making Bargaining or After Life icons. Which is probably why there are not a lot of TL icons out there...."Oh Tara, baby..." *sobs*

3)...OTOH it's still easier to make TL icons of Willow than Villains icons. I. JUST. CAN'T.

4) The easiest way to do icons of Willow and WIllow/Tara? Do what I do with Buffy and focus on what I love in the characters - which is to say, focus on their capacity to love. (Which is not to be confused with "being nice and ladylike" or "getting it right".)

5) I thought about using the lyric "inquisitive mind" with an early seasons cap of Willow but am not familiar enough with S1-3 to think of something off the top of my head. Which I already knew. But it's harder to do caps of seasons you're not as passionate or knowledgeable about. (Ok, so I already knew that too. Moving on....)

6) I love the set of Aly's mouth in the cap I used for #1, her pale face and dark eyes, even the strange monkey-fur collar that implies "base" impulses, the hunter...she has an utterly fierce beauty here.

7) I have more screencaps of Willow than I remembered.

8) For all my capacity for snark and irony, I seem to have an internal "sensor" when I'm working on icons that tells me from time to time in no uncertain terms "That really isn't funny. Don't go there." Hence #14 & 15 - I was trying to deconstruct the lyrics of the song and the additional phrases popped into my head; Buffy is "made to live", "made to serve" as a Slayer. Then I made 15 and felt like I was making fun of her and that felt gross under the circumstances.

9) So I decided that the phrase more accurately fitted the Buffybot who is, as lanoyee has pointed out to me, a metaphor for the Slayers themselves, "manufactured" at the whim of the Shadowmen and the WC, used up and then discarded for a newer model (#19)....Which really isn't funny. At all. No matter how you slice it.

10) In fact the more I think about the Buffybot, the more disturbing the entire situation becomes. Including the fact that "she" looks to be in pain, by whatever metric you want to measure that for a robot, in the cap from Intervention. (3, 16-18)

11) But as it happens anyway, the rules of otherworldlyric specifically state that you can ONLY use words that are contained within the song. Which meant 14-18 were a no-go as entries, but made for some interesting contemplation. It also meant that #3 didn't have quite the same impact/irony as I'd intended. (The plain and rather shitty looking font in #3 didn't help matters; HOW did I let that pass that way? What was I thinking?)

12) Wrapping text around an object is possible in Photobucket is only truly possible by making a new text box for every letter and manipulating each one of them individually - position/spacing, angle, size, etc. (#2, 9-10). Wrangling 18 individual text boxes at 100 or 200 pixels square is a bitch. Not really worth the work. That said....

13) If you are going to do something so foolish as to wrangle 18 individual letters ~~around Buffy's bloodied hands~~ within an image, it's easier to do it in a single continuous line or flow, even if one of the words needs to be read backwords than place some words left to right at the top, then start again with the rest of lyric from left to right at the bottom. (#19, Kendra icon) Trust me on this one.

14) Sometimes fancy effects in pixlr-whathaveyou or piccy-yaddayadda (11, 16, 17) aren't really superior to "Brighten", "Contrast" and "Saturation" in Photobucket (everything else) in terms of final results. It's the user, not the tool, that matters. BUT - they're a helluva lot of fun to play with.

15) Every once in a while, I care less about "legibility of text" than I think I do. See # 7 - I was going to remake it with a different font, then realized it didn't bother me the way it was.

16) I do wish however that I'd save images before putting the text in more often because I do wish I had a version of #7 without.

17) Something I actually learned working on Spuffy icons recently is the importance of a point of physical contact to connect two characters in an icon whether or not they are looking at one another. I made #6 before #4-5, but the image is stronger emotionally and compositionally with WIllow's arm and hand visible in the frame, curling around Tara, clutching her jacket.

And FINALLY the most important thing I learned this round:

18) NONATTACHMENT! Do not, under any circumstances, think for even one fraction of a second, "Well, mine aren't the greatest, but I could possibly win something because...." THIS WAY LIES MADNESS AND BADNESS - or at least a momentary sense of irrational disappointment! ~~SYSTEMS ABORT!~~ DETACH! FIND THE ZEN!

Just trust me on this one.

......and my first "official" act in fandom was to:

[Poll #1965322][Poll #1965322]

And the correct answer is....

#5! Yup, a massive, massive fail on my part. Actually, all of the choices represent a massive fail on my part, except for the last choice for which I DO NOT APOLOGIZE.
(She was mentioning how a character in her new novel has an opportunity to mindwipe the memories of another and doesn't because he respects her too much and it's not what she would want. Also, she just began watching btvs S1 at my urging and is NOT impressed with Angel or Xander. At all.) I actually spent hours making icons for

slayerstillness challenge #22 "A Room Full of Emptiness" (Negative Space)" ("Ooh, I can do this one!"); hours dithering over which to chose before deciding to actually ask my beta

wickedbish for help; and then failed to send him the link to the Photobucket folder so he could actually see the icons. By the time I figured out my mistake, it was too late to enter the challenge. (And I'm a little pissed at myself, because I think I made some good icons and really enjoyed getting back into the creative flow for the first time in weeks.)

But at least I manage to vote as the deadline isn't until tomorrow (midnight your time) hence still time to vote and pimp it - so there's a penance, at least.

And entries are being accepted for the latest challenge #23 (deadline Friday) so there's lots o' time left to enter. Yup, lots o' time....

The only fail more massive is #4 - I have NOT gotten around to congratulating all the winners of the Willowy Goodness Awards, including

velvetwhip,

snogged,

foxstarreh,

clockwork_hart1,

tiny_white_hats, and snowpuppies amoung others. Congratulations to all the winners (by which I include "Runners Up" aka the silver and bronze medalists). I actually did vote in that one too and cheese on a cracker did you folks make it painfully hard to choose!

ETA: ALL credit to the amazing

eilowyn for urging me to watch Orphan Black, which I'd never heard of until she mentioned it.

I really can't say this enough: Thank you to everyone who voted for my entries in OWL's Challenge #165!

Congratulations to the other winners

xclaire_delunex and

kwritten - to be considered anywhere near the same distinguished company is amazing.

Thank you again to

wickedbish (Ryan) for your time and opinions - and for being a better judge of my own work than I am. BETAS DO NOT GET ENOUGH LOVE. There needs to be a national "Hug A Beta!" holiday. (I'm just throwin' it out there, plantin' a seed....)

Thank you to

dragonydreams for banners that makes my icon look better than it did before. (The careful color-matching you did for each of the banners? Gorgeous.) And for all the time, dedication and work of running

otherworldlyric because I'm having way too much fun with it. Sarah McLaughlin's "World on Fire" was a terrific choice for a song prompt; any fragment of the lyrics is applicable to BtVS in about a million directions. Coming up with ideas this time around wasn't the problem; the problem this time was having far too many ideas. Most of them never came to fruition but I want to return to those projects later.

And by "fun" I mean "a helluva lotta pain and angst and lady-love for both the Summers Sisters and oh Willow no come back to the light and OMG their faces! Their expressions! Their courage and love and effed-up-ness I can't even!" **sobs and makes 40+ icons** In other words, my kind of fun. If I can't "crack out an axe" (to steal a phrase from

clockwork_hart1 ) in defense of my beloved characters, at least I can crack out some icons:

THE SUBMISSIONS: And now I will show off ALL my babies and TALK about them! A lot! You have been warned!

1) I was really surprised when Ryan singled out #1 of the 40+ I sent him for consideration. This was the first time I almost argued with his choices; it's still not my favorite of this set by a long shot. All I can see is the flaws. The image isn't sharp enough to my liking; the font is one I've done too many times before. It doesn't have the emotional punch for me personally that the other two entries do. I wanted the moment in Grave that got more of Dawn and Buffy equally in the frame, holding their swords back to back, but didn't have the right cap for it. Et cetera

That moment may be corny and make no sense but screw logic and sense; it's one of the (very) few moments in the last three episodes I remotely even liked. I freaking cheered when Dawn picked up the sword, not that her courage was any surprise whatsoever (Listening to Fear, The Gift, Bargaining...etc). Watching the late seasons I wanted to watch more of that, of those sisters and warriors fighting and growing up side by side, the same and yet very different people than they were in S5. I hoped that Season 7 would focus more on the two of them. I wanted more Summers sisters interaction as intensely as I wanted more mother-daughter interaction S1-5. And for a little while it seemed like S7 was going that way....and then....it didn't; just as S5 delighted me with Joyce's increased presence...and then she was killed off. *le sigh*

2) I actually like the Dawn-Buffybot one to a terrible degree, even though it's the simplest and least "artistic". Dawn's face kills me - that moment is so sad and understandable and yet a bit creepy. Her mother and sister are dead, her "real" father is absent and her symbolic father figure is lost in his own grief? She has no one to cuddle up to but a freakin' robot? Break my heart NOW. And maybe it's just my sick brain but there's almost something slightly incestuous about the image, if you don't know that's the Buffybot? Or is it just me?

In hindsight though I wish I'd submitted #4 above instead of #2: Dawn standing on Glory's tower in Bargaining, trying to prevent her sister from committing suicide (again). Season 6 ends with Xander "talking Willow down" and that moment gets all sorts of fandom love. But it starts with Dawn talking Buffy down and WHERE is the love for that moment? For the de facto orphan, a 15(16?) year old girl who has NO "special powers", no training or experience, and is armed only with determination, courage and fierce love? Anything less than absolute RESPECT for this incredible girl in that flawless moment will not do here.

But as far as the icon itself goes, this time I wasn't happy with the placement of the text. I'm sorry I didn't make a version without text because the moment doesn't really need it. #5 is completely "meh" by comparison. I feel nothing. I can't tell you why I just know it doesn't work.

3) My favorite of the three entries is Buffy on the stairs in After Life. I like the way the cropping, frame and the text work together to close in around her, echoing her gesture. She's out of that coffin physically but psychologically is another matter altogether. I think the red on her knuckles is just enough, not overplayed. I did an entire series of this scene and oddly enough her hand looks more realistic, like raw meat, in the sized-down icons than it did on the tv screen or the larger caps.

I have a crazy stupid amount of love for Bargaining/Afterlife, which I tend to think of as a single unit (just as I lump the last three eps of S6 together - except with loads of seething hate.) The expression of shame on her face - not guilt, there is a degree of difference - her awkward posture and gestures, her silence, her bloodied knuckles, everything about her in that moment wrenches my heart no matter how many times I see it. I can barely even look at her then. So of course I made multiple versions of it. (Below)

This moment, and the scene before it with Dawn tenderly cleaning and dressing her in the bathroom, calls back to pre-Sunnydale "bitty Buffy" in Passions. She's standing before a mirror, listening to her parents argue in another room with a similar expression of shame - shame for who or what she inherently is, as opposed to "guilt" for something she has done. That's an emotion I know only too well. Once it slithers inside of you, it becomes such a constant that half the time you don't even recognize it; or you try to fight it, to make it go away; you indulge in excesses, you take actions that you feel guilty about afterwards, and thus more ashamed, so you do something else you feel guilty and ashamed about until the two are insparably intertwined with one another.

What must she think, what can she be thinking, in Bargaining and After Life? She's lived one of her greatest fears for the second time in the series (Nightmares, S1), crawling out of her own grave like the demons she has to kill, in this war she was drafted into as the lone soldier. Is she therefore unclean, monstrous? Was she rejected by Heaven, spat out from it because she was unworthy of it? Even after she knows the truth, might she ever wonder if the spell worked because Heaven let her go because she didn't deserve to be there after all?

10)

11)

12)

13)

14)

I wish I had more icon space in my userpics for one of these. I submitted #3 because Ryan picked out, but I could have submitted any other instead in a heartbeat, with the exception of the last two. #14 has the same problem as #5 - my ability to manipulate text within and around an object in Photobucket is extremely limited. Or maybe I'm just lousy at it and/or the concept sucked to begin with. Your thoughts, Gentle Reader?

************

But I really didn't go into this intending to do Buffy or Dawn icons. No, really, I swear to you. I wanted to stretch myself a bit and work with Willow. I had plans for images from Bargaining, Smashed, Anne, New Moon Rising and Wild at Heart; Willow by herself, with Tara and Oz...LOTSA ideas. Few came to fruition.

I really appreciate it when someone in fandom who doesn't particularly love Buffy nevertheless focuses on her in art or fic and gets her right, for all her wonderful and not-so-great qualities. (Likewise, I appreciate it when someone who considers themselves a "Bangel" or a "Spuffy" is nonetheless able to give the other guy and her relationship with them it's due, without feeling the need to deny or diminish one at the expense of the other.)

And I want to be able to do the same myself for other characters. Willow was the first character I identified with in the series, although I never felt in love with her the way I did with Buffy. That I identified more with Willow in the early seasons, when her self-esteem is lowest (barring S7) and more with Buffy in the late season when her self-confidence declines, probably says something about me I'm reluctant to fully contemplate. But I want to find that appreciation for Willow again. And there's a lot of folks on my flist who are Willow fans who help me remember the good and even great things about her character. But I didn't get excited by the images of Willow, even though I had the ideas, the way I did with Buffy and Dawn.

I really wish the Willow set had come out better. Maybe it's easier for me to work with a subject I have a lot of passion and emotional connection to. Give me time.

kwritten captured exactly what I wanted and more with her entry #5. Check out her flawless post for her analysis of her Willow icon along with the rest of her icons for this challenge. (Then check out

spikesredqueen's post with her entire set of beauties for this challenge including the second-place winner. So many choices and this is part of my pain, don'cha see?)

15)

16)

17)

18)

19)

20)

21)

I nearly submitted #15 or 16, and I still like them both quite a bit. The ironic contrast of "fire" with the water from the shower, a llteral and symbolic "waterhose" in this image from Smashed is more interesting than my original plan to use a cap from Willow in Rack's den. If Buffy "wants the fire back" then Willow, by contrast, tries to control a conflagration that threatens to burn her up from the inside.

#17 - 21 OTOH are "meh" for me. I kind of like the composition of #17 in theory but this is a very important "point of no return" in Willow's arc - and I focus on her bosom? What am I, ~~a lezzie~~ or something? (Oh. wait...) 19 & 20 are interesting mostly as bookends in terms of comparison with one another, with how much Willow has changed in three years, rather than interesting in and of themselves. The difference between Willow in Anne and Bargaining is enormous: the distance between "playacting" the role of a confident Slayer, putting on a "role" instead of a costume; and actually taking on the responsibility (and headaches) of leadership. The power is now "her's alone to wield" but it's still an impossible position for any one person regardless of who wields it.

I had to give up on the Willow idea because it just wasn't working. I felt like I was "dissing" her in some way, and that wasn't what I wanted. What I wanted to depict was how hard she was trying, how much she was trying to bring to the fight with almost zero guidance, how she was bringing everything she had to bear "to the table". I absolutely believe that she thought she was doing the right thing when she resurrected Buffy; she had no reason to think Buffy wasn't in Hell, suffering endless centuries of torment the way Angel had after Buffy killed him. (I'm not arguing right or wrong here, and I don't deny other motivations but as much as I want to throttle Willow sometimes, I can't get into the Willow-hate any more than I can the Dawn/Buffy/Joyce/Kennedy/misc female character hate. But I can't get into the Glory-hate either, so take that as you will.)

And is it a surprise that it all goes awry, that her moral compass doesn't point true north? No. Look at her parents, at their benign neglect, at the way they encourage her intelligence and achievement but discourage her from asking too many questions: live up to your potential but don't go beyond it. And by "parents" I don't just mean Sheila and Ira Rosenberg. Rupert Giles had decades of history and experience with the demon world and magic (if we ignore the Witch in S1). He could have steered Willow to mentors to groom her, train her; he certainly could have payed more attention to her - to all the SG, for that matter. How much Xander might have blossomed from the encouragement of an interested adult male role model, which he so very desperately needed, we can only speculate.

In both Anne and Bargaining we see the one parental figure of the group - Giles - absorbed in his pain, his guilt and grief, and in both episodes the SG - young children from dysfunctional homes, every one of them - are more or less left to their own devices. He doesn't abandon Buffy and Dawn only in S6; he abandons all of his "children" - but then again he'd always been "blind" all along, perhaps willfully so. Willow's accusations in Something Blue and Grave are not without merit - and will be echoed by Spike in Touched.

Before you think I hate Giles (which I don't), I'm also aware of that his upbringing was perhaps not at all unlike Willow's, or Buffy and Dawn's for that matter. He came from an educated family that took care of his physical needs to the exclusion of his emotional ones. They attempted to control him and raised him to be a Watcher as his father was, without regard for the boy's own needs or desires. We learn very little about his family but what we do hear from him, and his own personality, suggest a detachment or distance from his parents, as with Willow to her own. It's not the physical abuse we associate with the Harris or Maclay families but rather an emotional rather than physical "abandonment". (Let's set aside for a moment the fact that the show stereotypically assigns certain types of abuse or neglect to certain socio-economic strata.) And so the abandoned child abandons their own children who abandons their children in turn and so on...until someone finally breaks the cycle.

So it's also no suprise, IMO, that Willow is uttery unprepared for what she "unearths" when she resurrects Buffy; she is not prepared to play the part of "sire" to her "childe", who is left to her own defenses. And the cycle continues.....

Speaking of:

22)

23)

Another disappointing failure IMO. Ryan liked the first one more than I did; I think Willow looks like an elf - maybe a missing character from LoTR? Everyone has feelings about this scene in All The Way and it's aftermath, and so do I. One of which is that this arguement, like many others in this series, are so much more incredibly believable as actual arguements than what I've seen on most tv shows. And holy cheese on a cracker do I know arguements, inside and out: the sudden snap of rage, the irrationality, everything spiralling out of control and all parties bunkering down in their positions, everyone talking and nobody listening.

Two girls from abusive and/or controlling families who have never seen or experienced anything resembling a happy, healthy functional love relationship between partners (children learn what they are modeled); both with pedantic or conservative streaks in them, by nature and nuture - it's no wonder things start to "fall apart" rather rapidily between them, not once but twice in the series. Especially when initial haze of infatuation and romance or, in S6, the "second honeymoon", wears off and the real power struggles begin. You cannot have two people occupying the same position of power within a relationship at all times or, if it's possible, I've yet to see it.

See, I can see all the things that go wrong in their relationship, and all that is wrong in Buffy and Spike's, in S6, I can see it all and not condone the worst of it - but I understand every bit of it. It's painful to watch it all play out and it should be. It was painful to watch as a child in my family, and painful to live it now. Because on some level I see myself, my mom and her husbands, and my own relationship with my partner* in all four of those characters and both those relationships although the dynamics differ in each case. I honestly wish I didn't understand. So what, then, do I do with it? "Keep trying" is the only answer I've got.

(That said - Tara and WIllow are very different dynamics than Buffy and Spike. Please do not tell me they are exactly the same, or that Tara is somehow partly responsible for Willow's actions in S6. I have a lot of tolerance for diverse opinions but that's a line in the sand for me and I will take away the tea and cookies. So just don't go there, okay? Great. Thank you. Have a cookie?)

THE ALSO-RANS: Some of the other icons I almost submitted - I really like all of these, but again I have an emotional attachment so YMMV.

24)

25)

26)

27)

I don't even know what to say here, actually, especially about #24. Do I NEED to? (And at this point you are no doubt screaming "NO! STOP THE MADNESS!" Sorry, too late.) Basically, what I said above about the After Life set? All that. I'm especially pleased by the emotional impact of #24-25 as well as the final result. #25 is one of my favorite icons of any I've ever made. I even made a version of it without the text and it works just as well. I really bumped up the saturation brightness and toned down the saturation for a very different look from the original cap. #26 OTOH I only had to manipulate slightly - I believe the scene is of the demons and a chained-up Buffybot from Buffy's distorted POV. I think if you squint hard enough you might still be able to see Buffybot just left of center.

Also what I said about Willow being unprepared to look after her "childe" applies here - and not that she possibly could be, given her upbringing and her distant parents! No one was prepared. Not even my beloved "perfect, saintly" Tara; the person who saw that Faith wasn't Buffy in Season 4 without having met either one of them, never notices that anything is amiss in S6 until she's all but smacked in the face with it, twice (OAFA, Dead Things.) But I hurt so much for Buffy anyway. Watching her scream and cry, then claw her way out of her own coffin - an experience she's already lived through once - is one of the most horrifying things I've ever seen in any tv show or movie, bar none.

28)

29)

Yes, I did a Spuffy icon. Permission to scoop your jaws off the floor granted. (Sexual or romantic "shipping" really isn't the primary lens by which I view this series, just one many.) I hate that episode but oh god that scene - and again, her face! So raw, so painful...things can't possibly continue the way they have and she knows it; deep inside she knows. Another one I almost submitted, and am really happy with the result.

I enjoy manipulating photographs until they look like drawings, paintings, or perhaps book illustrations/covers from the first half of the 20th century. The best way to achieve that look in Photobucket, I find, is to continually push saturation, light and contrast to eliminate some of the fine details and focus on outlines. I didn't realize the framing device overlapped the bottom of "we become" until after I finished them, but I'm not terribly bothered by it because it suits the idea of being diminished by one's own actions. (And oh god my heart is twisting again. Those beautiful, foolish children dragging themselves and one another to Hell. Ugh.)

FINALLY, THE "MEH" GROUP, aka "They were never contenders".

30)

31)

33)

Ryan said #30 didn't quite work. He was not wrong. Although my reasons for thinking that probably differ from his - thematically for him, aesthetically for me. Sarah looks gorgeous in the original screencap, from Flooded; her profile reminds me portrait paintings of Italian women from the 15th century, such as Domenico Ghirlandaio's Giovanna degli Albizzi Tornabuoni, c. 1488. When I sized it down her face just looked odd to me (esp around the mouth and cheeks) and the outline of her face is pixelated. Too bad.

32)

34)

35)

36)

#36 is Dawn leading Buffybot around at the school fair in Bargaining. In that episode I'm really struck by the fact that Buffybot essentially "extends" S5's theme of illness, incapacity, and how the burdens of caretaking in families fall disproportionately to women. Earlier in the episode Willow has to prevent Buffybot from walking into a wall because her "circuitry" is damaged, which is a very interesting metaphor for someone who is mentally or neurologically incapacitated, such as someone suffering from Alzheimer's or brain damage - the role Tara took on in S5. This is obvious in the original cap but the meaning was lost when I cropped the image.

Also, #32? Just to be clear, I don't "ship" Buffy/Giles. (You know that, right?) To me (and, um, a little thing called "canon") they are absolutely father-daughter....and speaking of, have you read

il_mio_capitano's harsh, tender, stunning re-write of Tabula Rasa, "Holding On"? If not, you simply must. It's probably one of my all-time favorite BtVS fanfics.

37)

38)

Whenever I do an icon from Anne it's always a nod to

norwie2010 - and this shot of Buffy in Anne has already been "done" a hundred times before. But I love it anyway - just as I love that entire episode; it's one of my favorites to play with image-wise. I brightened the cap quite a lot, bumped up saturation and the colors emerged beautifully, as did the light framing Buffy's hair and arm. The passivity implied by the lyrics, however, contradicts the action in the image.

And the Anne was is - "not my best work" is an understatement. But her expression of disbelief is fantastic, and she's a great "minor" character - what an arc! She starts out dependent on her boyfriend, constantly redefining her identity according to what other people want, and makes the transition to confident, powerful person in her own right in a way that poor Anya never does, IMO. Another idea to return to later.

kwritten also did an Anne icon (not submitted to the challenge) that's a 1000 times better than this - But I want to return to the idea because she has an amazing arc, and the way she more than lives up to Buffy's confidence in her is a key moment in the series long theme of "sharing power".

And that's it, kids! If you got this far, congratulate yourselves - I do! - have some more cookies and stretch your legs a bit, and join me again for the next episode of RedSatinDoll Blathers Incessantly. Stay tuned!

*****************************************************************

*Oh, one more thing: Just to be absolutely 100% clear: In terms of my sweetie and myself, there is NO physical violence or violation, nothing on the level of what happened to my mom or happens in Season 6. None whatsoever. It's a lot of arguements, harsh words and anger that we apologize for later; a dull grey haze of mutual mediocrity and power struggles some days, brightened and punctuated by moments of mutual love, respect and moments of deep love. Seesawing back and forth between resentment and affection in equal intensity.

Now that that's settled: Have some cake?

So while I was bitching and moaning about how hard it is for me to vote in icontests because of all the great work I just can't decide and don't you feeeeeel myyyyyy paiiiiiiinnnn...

this happened:

I mean - REALLY? Are you sure there wasn't a miscount? Because I am happy as all get out but also perplexed because there were so many WONDERFUL entries to chose from.

I'm just - REALLY?

Thank you to everyone who voted for my icon! I'm honored (and astonished and happy and giggly and perplexed) because there's some fantastic entries here. (Who did #5? I NEED TO KNOW THIS!)

But all the credit has to go to my Beta-Muse

wickedbish who pretty much held my hand (as always) when I threw 41 icons at him because I couldn't chose. He picked this one partly because he thought it captured Buffy's overprotectiveness of Dawn. It wasn't my personal favorite and I ~~probably~~ - scratch that, I definitely wouldn't have submitted it without his advice. And I came damn near ignoring his advice and sending other icons except

1) I remembered my own experiences as a beta for writer friends when they seek my advice and then don't take it when it doesn't; not that they have to take my advice, but when that turns into a pattern? Frustration sets in: "Ok, so why are you asking my advice if you're not gonna take it?" It felt awful disrespectful of what he offers and for free. And,

2) The last time, I won third place with an icon I wouldn't have submitted except for his advice.

So, this icon maker has learned her lesson: I'm an awful judge of my own stuff. This is why I go to Ryan. So, I need to stfu and TRUST that he knows his shit.

CONGRATULATIONS to the other winners

spikesredqueen &

xclaire_delunex! Really lovely, simple, powerful icons this round.

BTW - my other submissions were #6 & #10. I'll share the other ones I made but didn't submit ~~tomorrow~~ ETA:i as soon as I can get the darn post finished. t was a fun challenge!

And don't ask me what I voted for btw because I honestly DO NOT remember, I was so torn in so many directions. I will admit that I voted for #5 - I am CRAZY IN LOVE with that icon, whoever made it. I also especially liked 7, and 12-14, so I could have voted for any of them.

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June 2021

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Page Summary

The Monday Edition of "I HAVE BEEN SORELY, TERRIBLY REMISS FOR NOT..."
Made to Order: WInners of the Otherworldlyric challenge 171 and my entries
Tsunami of Polls: We moved back into the restored apartment....
Reaching Out & Holding In - My Icons for Otherworld Lyrics Challenge #165 (All 38 of Them)
Hypocrisy Thy Name is RedSatinDoll : Y'All Voted My Icon 3rd Place at Otherworldlyrics icontest 165!

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Entries tagged with wickedbish

The Monday Edition of "I HAVE BEEN SORELY, TERRIBLY REMISS FOR NOT..."

Made to Order: WInners of the Otherworldlyric challenge 171 and my entries

Tsunami of Polls: We moved back into the restored apartment....

Reaching Out & Holding In - My Icons for Otherworld Lyrics Challenge #165 (All 38 of Them)

Hypocrisy Thy Name is RedSatinDoll : Y'All Voted My Icon 3rd Place at Otherworldlyrics icontest 165!