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[personal profile] red_satin_doll

ETA: [livejournal.com profile] kikimay's beautifully and eloquently captures in words what I was hoping to say with this image (comment added with her kind permission):

"These two scenes are so meaningful. I connect them both to depression in a way. The Becoming scene seems to me the metaphorical beginning of it, the discovery of that side of your mind, and After Life is just the jumping point. And in both images Buffy seems so innocent, in the first one she's just a kid and in the second one she's dressed in white. But, even in the narrative, in both moments there's something that breaks Buffy....It's innocence shattered."






[livejournal.com profile] kwritten introduced me to ipiccy and [livejournal.com profile] clockwork_hart1 told me how to create a collage in that program, and I added the rainbow effect there, set to "darken". I wasn't satisfied with the presence of the seam between the images, or my inability to contour the images manually. I brought the image back to Photobucket, used the blemish tool to try to make the seam go away, then used the draw tool to literally "paint" over the remaining seam in a shade of blue to match what was in the image.  The font is "Princess Sofia", I liked the old-fashioned "fairy tale" quality of it, (Although Humpty Dumpty is a nursey rhyme, not a fairy tale, but you get the idea.)

[livejournal.com profile] comlodge taught me to make liberal use of the blending tool.  I think I have gone from "hardly ever touch it" to "full out needs an intervention for her own sake and the safety of others" blending tool addict.

Date: 2014-05-30 06:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] waddiwasiwitch.livejournal.com
That my dear is absolutely beautiful!

Date: 2014-05-30 07:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Thank you sweetie so much! That really means a lot because I'm never sure when I look at things if anyone will like them but me. I was playing with techniques today and I don't know what possesed me to post it. I think as a get better and get so much wonderful support here, it makes me a braver about doing so! *hugs*

Date: 2014-05-30 10:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] waddiwasiwitch.livejournal.com
You're so welcome. :D And btw I just love the choice of colour,

Date: 2014-05-30 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
I'm glad! I did sepia and pastel versions but I just ADORE rich, saturated jewel tones.

Date: 2014-05-30 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chic-c.livejournal.com
This is so cool, brava! \o/

Date: 2014-05-30 07:47 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-05-30 07:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com
I love this. The primary colours make the image very strong.


Gabrielle

Date: 2014-05-30 07:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Oh my goodness thank you! That really means a lot to me.

I made other variations of this in sepia, pastel, more realistic etc but this ended up being my favorite. I love the colors too.

Signing up for these icon challenges and the 20in20 has pushed me to try new techniques and get better. I'm dying to try some of the things I'm learning to do on Willow & vamp willow imagery.

Edited Date: 2014-05-30 07:43 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-05-30 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] velvetwhip.livejournal.com
OOOH! I look forward to seeing those!


Gabrielle

Date: 2014-05-30 07:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
I'm thinking for the next round of 20in20.

I did a couple of Willow icons for the last round of btvs_hush (Becoming) and they were fun to play with but I already know I can do something so much more interesting now.

Date: 2014-05-30 08:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eilowyn.livejournal.com
Beautiful! It reminds me of The National's "Runaway" (here's a female cover rather than the deep baritone of The National's version), mostly because it's how Buffy manages to keep on keeping on even though she's so broken up.

Date: 2014-05-30 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Thank you Lexi!

Full disclosure: I don't think I've ever heard that song before. Maybe I've heard of that band. (Um, I listen to Matt Kearney and Mumford Brothers on itunes, so maybe I've heard them and don't know it?) I'll have to look up the lyrics, thanks!

mostly because it's how Buffy manages to keep on keeping on even though she's so broken up.

That's our hero. People who want a perfect prim and proper cardboard cutout heroine? The Hallmark card store is thataway...

If you ever wanted to make a Buffy(verse) vid to Marina and the Diamonds' "I am not a robot" or
"Numb" I would not object.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_oMD6-6q5Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylLpplWSrNk

Edited Date: 2014-05-30 10:21 pm (UTC)

Date: 2014-05-31 02:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eilowyn.livejournal.com
"Numb" is on my Buffy playlist!

Date: 2014-05-31 11:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
I listened to that song over and over again yesterday - it's definitely my favorite of the two.

Have you ever posted your "Buffy playlist"? because I would find that interesting. (Probably some songs we could pick out vidding ideas for.)

Ooh, it just occured to me this image could be the album cover. Do you remember albums or was that before your time? Loved looking at the cover art, reading the lyrics, etc. CD's don't give the same sort of pleasure, there's some lovely art but it's so damn tiny by comparison. (Think of Sarah Maclaghan's Surfacing, for instance - gorgeous imagery, it should have been album-size art to be appreciated.)
Edited Date: 2014-05-31 11:24 am (UTC)

Date: 2014-05-30 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] kikimay
Buffy in Afterlife and Buffy in the Becoming flashback: YOU WANT TO KILL ME WITH THE FEELS.

These two scenes are so meaningful. I connect them both to depression in a way. The Becoming scene seems to me the metaphorical beginning of it, the discover of that side of your mind, and Afterlife is just the jumping point. And in both images Buffy seems so innocent, in the first one she's really just a kid and in the second one she's dressed in white. But, even in the narrative, in both moments there's something that breaks Buffy and you captured it so well. The coloring is almost violent and Buffy has the same defeated expression. Plus the fairytale-like font is perfect. It's innocence shattered. So beautiful.

Date: 2014-05-30 08:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
YOU WANT TO KILL ME WITH THE FEELS.

I am occasionally callous and strange...

It's innocence shattered. So beautiful.

May I add this entire paragraph to the post and quote you? because THIS is exactly what I was going for. Your words are perfect. Brava.

I almost did one where she's looking at herself in the mirror in both episodes, but it's these two images - her expression of SHAME - that resonates with me the most.

I connect them both to depression in a way. The Becoming scene seems to me the metaphorical beginning of it, the discover of that side of your mind

Exactly. And we see it briefly in Welcome to the Hellmouth ("Go ahead, prepare me!") There's never a time it wasn't there; it's the subtext of the entire show, not just season 6. Buffy's story is largely about surviving and overcoming trauma, putting one foot in front of the other every day.

Date: 2014-05-30 08:57 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] kikimay
You can quote my comment, of course. I'm glad that I found words fitting your art.

Also yes: SHAME. It's that, it's not defeat (Or not only) she's ashamed of what she had become, which is also a perfect explanation for her inability to just speak up and tell people about her difficulties. She feels that she's responsable, I think, which is also very accurate.

Date: 2014-05-30 10:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Comment added, and thank you! Your words are a very fitting companion (as you yourself are.)

she's ashamed of what she had become, which is also a perfect explanation for her inability to just speak up and tell people about her difficulties. She feels that she's responsable, I think, which is also very accurate.

I wrote just a little bit about that previously: http://red-satin-doll.livejournal.com/36397.html It's a different feeling to guilt - feeling bad about who and what you are, inherently. The badness is inside of you. All the characters on the show have that to some degree actually, continually trying to be themselves and hide themselves at the same time. Wanting to be loved and accepted, terrified of being found out as unworthy or unloveable. It ties them all together but also separates them from one another.

I think Buffy bears the extra burden of being the protagonist and The Hero, so she's the caretaker of the entire world; and like a lot of caretakers she doesn't feel she can ask for help. Willow gets to go to England, Faith goes to prison; Buffy has to leave town and erase herself symbolically (Anne) or literally (the Gift) in order to "get a break" and not even death is permanent in her case.

Date: 2014-05-30 10:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com
That is a really cool piece of art!

Date: 2014-05-30 10:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Aw, thanks sweetie! I'm really happy with how it came out, I'm glad you like it too. I was just indulging myself and having fun.

Date: 2014-05-31 03:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spikesredqueen.livejournal.com
This is such a wonderful piece. I loved the expressions that Buffy displays, there is so much despair there. Great work!

Date: 2014-05-31 11:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Oh goodness thank you! That is really a huge, huge compliment. *blushes* That you approve *blushes again*

I have been wanting to put these two images together in a fanart or a picspam forever because for me they are two of the most important images in the series. The little girl in both of them is one and the same.

I'm really happy with how this came out although I have a lot of improving to do to. Miles to go, and all that jazz.

Friday May 30, 2014

Date: 2014-05-31 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] livejournal.livejournal.com
User [livejournal.com profile] audela referenced to your post from Friday May 30, 2014 (http://su-herald.livejournal.com/726183.html) saying: [...] Buffy/Spike. Teen. [Images & videos] Artwork: She's Come Undone.... (Buffy) [...]

Date: 2014-05-31 09:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lynnylou.livejournal.com
This is just such a striking image. Just love it!

Date: 2014-05-31 11:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Aw, thank you sweetie! This kind of encouragement could be really dangerous but I like it.

I really want to get better, that's my goal. I'm finally realizing that practicing constantly AND letting it out to be seen is part of that process.

Date: 2014-06-01 01:49 pm (UTC)
lokifan: black Converse against a black background (Default)
From: [personal profile] lokifan
So pretty and omg what [personal profile] kikimay said! *hugs Buffy*

Date: 2014-06-01 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] red-satin-doll.livejournal.com
Kiki and I must be like, brain twins when it comes to Buffy! And thank you for the compliment but Kiki's quote just makes it perfect IMO.

And hugs for Buffy are always of the good here in my corner of fandom - many, many hugs!

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