I'LL BE A VERY BUSY BEAVER THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, BUT IN THE MEANTIME - A FLUFFY STORY

[red_satin_doll]

Tomorrow my sweetie and I are going to NYC - she wants to see the 100th Armory Show on the Westside; stay two nights at the Pod 39 Hotel; then we'll hopefully go to Chinatown, and then Friday spend the day at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. including the Elizabeth Sackler Gallery of Feminist Art on the 4th floor featuring Judy Chicago's installation The Dinner Party (1982) which I've always wanted to see. (Never mind the concept of a separate gallery for "feminist" art as opposed to the presumably "regular" art. Baby steps, baby steps, bitty blah.)  I wll have many things to report, hopefully.

Then when I come back we are packing and (supposedly) moving back into the old apartment; the renovation is nearly done!  We saw it the other day - my sweetie's bedroom has been totally redone, new walls, flooring, windows, new moldings everywhere, paint and light fixtures, etc. they even took up two layers of ugly old linoleum and black glue in the kitchen to expose the original wood flooring. Beautiful job.

Which also means we'll finally be getting away from the people below us in the apartment we're in now and its worth anything just for that because SWEET MOTHER OF MOSES THESE PEOPLE DO NOT SHUT UP EVER. *ugh*

Ergo, if I don't get back to you anytime immediately or post a lot the next couple of weeks, you know why. I'll try to keep up with the macros, icons and suchlike - that shouldn't be hard, I've got 600 or so buffyverse icons sitting in my Photobucket. No lie.

In the meantime, eilowyn said not long ago that she loved "fluffy stories" about my sweetie and I; which of course meant I stopped telling them. ("But - we're not fluffy people, we argue a lot!" my brain protested.) Just like when someone paid for me to have a free account and velvetwhip said she looked forward to a "tsunami of polls" and I said "Me too!"  And then have done maybe two since then. Or when my mom asked "What do you want for Christmas?" and I said "I don't know." EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I absolutely shut down. (My sweetie gets the same damn answer to the same question btw. My brain hasn't changed in 40-plus years.)

But last week we were in one of those big-box retail stores, the kind we drag ourselves into because we really need something and even then only upon pain of death, and I told her I felt a little light-headed. I think y'all know I have epilepsy and it's pretty well controlled on medication but those sorts of stores are not good for me: too brightly light, buzzing light fixtures, too much noise, too much sensory overload, etc.

So I said to my sweetie "Keep talking."

"Oh NO, don't you go letting your mind wander off!" (Having a seizure feels at first like you're going into a spell or trance, like a daydream.)

"That's why I need you to keep talking, because it helps ground me and keep focused on where I am. We talk, you annoy the hell out of me, I want to strangle you, it keeps me grounded. See how that works?"

She laughed.

And all I could think right was how much I love this woman, and how lucky was (am) to have her in my life after all these years.

Which is a good thing, because an hour or so later we wanted to strangle each other again.

Love isn't ribbons and bows, kids.

Comments

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I did not know you have epilepsy. I've had several friends (and a dog) who had it, so I know it can be tough at times. *hugs you*

Have fun with all the exciting things!


Gabrielle

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

My brother had a dog with epilepsy too! He and his (ex)-wife had to cancel a trip to come and see the missus and me because we were on the phone and his dog had a major seizure in the middle of the conversation. Poor thing - he told me she kept running her head straight into the mirror over and over again.

I sometimes think it's scarier for people around me than it is for me because they are the ones who have to watch it. My honey is in the health care field and has seen it in other people but the first year we were together and I had one, she thought I was literally dying.

Then four years ago I realized while trying to back my car out of a space in a parking garage that I was in the middle of doing that AND having a seizure. Thank ye gods I had enough presence of mind to put the thing in park and turn off the ignition. (My doctor unofficially suspended my driving priviledges.)

But hey, upside! I haven't had one if maybe four years? that's really good.

Have fun with all the exciting things!

I will! It's been several years since I've been to NYC- the last time I went with friends, saw "The Body" exhibit, and walked across the Brooklyn Bridge by myself in late afternoon, just as the sun was setting and tinting the bridge, the sky and the Statue of Liberty with rose-gold light. My favorite new york memory.

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I haven't had one if maybe four years?

I am thrilled to hear that! Yay!



Gabrielle

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

This is the second longest span without actually in my life - last time was five years while in - high school, maybe?. Then I went to college and had five in one year.

I suspect most of the reason I haven't had any in four years is because I haven't had a regular job that entire time. (aka "gainful underemployment" *lol*)

So not good for the bank account but good for the brain functioning.

[clockwork-hart1.livejournal.com]

So it IS a good trip! That sounds like great fun. And the flat (apartment, oops, English is showing) is getting along nicely? That is THE BEST NEWS.

And fluffy stories are always wonderful. It's nice to see things going well for people, having things work for them (however you want to define "work"). Siezures are terrifying - I had one a couple of years ago out of the blue but I was home alone and how no idea what was going on. I kicked over a lamp and broke it and was covered in bruises. The fact that your Sweetie could distract you from it (by infuriation or not) is fantastic.

Love isn't ribbons and bows, kids.

No, and that's alright - it wouldn't be half as interesting

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I actually use the word flat occasionally. And in fact, where my aunt used to live is a house that's been subdivided into one living place on the first floor, one on the second, and it's been referred to as a "flat" as well as an "apartment".

Anyhoo, the "flat" really is looking quite nice. I was impressed and OMG the kitchen floor! I had nightmares about it because it NEVER came clean no matter how hard I worked on it, how much bleach and scrub; but they're going to put a hard varnish on the wood floor in there now. the people doing the work have worked for my landlord for years so we've gotten to know them pretty well and they're true old-fashioned craftspeople.

I had one a couple of years ago out of the blue but I was home alone and how no idea what was going on.

Was that the only one? Every so often I meet someone who has had one seizure in their life but no idea why. Most seizures have no identifiable cause, actually ("cryptogenic"). It must have been terrifying for you - it's still terrifying for me and I've had them for over 30 years on and off. Your body is just completely out of your control when it happens.

it wouldn't be half as interesting

I guess not! I wouldn't mind trading a little of the interest for more peace and contentment between us, but I haven't figured out how to do that (short of us breaking up) and I'm not sure that's how life really works anyway.

[clockwork-hart1.livejournal.com]

Yep, it was just the one - it scared the shit out of me. I remember sitting down in stunned silence for half an hour afterwards before calling my Mum trying to explain what had happened. I'm pretty sure it was a freak side-effect to my migraines (mine are caused by a problem in the pituitary gland, and are similar to siezures and I used to have to take epilepsy pills for them).

And I don't think anyone really has it easy in relationships, no matter how happy they seem. If the fighting still allows you to work things out and feel happy and loved it can't be too bad. Life's never so pleasant anyway.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure it was a freak side-effect to my migraines (mine are caused by a problem in the pituitary gland, and are similar to siezures and I used to have to take epilepsy pills for them).

Oh that makes a great deal of sense. And I can imagine how difficult it must have been to describe - I have a great deal of trouble still; and when I first began having them at age 11 it took my mother several tries to find a doctor who didn't say "there's nothing wrong with your child" and then find one who gave the right medication.

I'm just glad you didn't get seriously hurt. I've fallen, hit my head, bitten my tongue (the edge, you can't actually bite it off).

Oh, fun fact! the meds I take (dilantin) was first developed as an anti-depressant and the anti-spasmodic (anti-seizure) effect was discovered only by accident. Given that I have been fighting depression for years it obviously doesn't work too good for that.

Given that it was given to Richard Nixon for depression - didn't work to good for him, either apparently.

And I don't think anyone really has it easy in relationships, no matter how happy they seem.

IDK, I used to think that, but I've since met couples who seem genuinely content in their relationship. I do think it's possible - not perfection, but just contentment with themselves and each other. Then I've also met folks who seem happy on the surface and do such a good job of acting until it all falls apart.

I remember the other night we were fighting like anything - she will regularly say "we should break up!" (we've never done so) - and then an hour later kissing each other good night like we hadn't argued at all. That's pretty much us, in a nutshell.

[clockwork-hart1.livejournal.com]

I was fairly bruised on the whole left side of my body - it hurt to wear a bra for week and I looked like I'd been in a bar fight, but nothing serious.

I've taken everything for migraines - epilepsy pills, anti-psychosis and anti-depressants and none of them worked. And given that the anti-depressants didn't help my depression either, that was a double fail. No depression meds have ever helped me either.

And I'm not saying that people can't be content, but I certainly don't think anything is half as easy as people like to think (or make out). And your relationship sounds like me and my friends - but without the making out...mostly - me and my best friend are fairly vitrolic and sometimes I think we out-right hate each other. The funny thing is the rest of our friendship group are split down the middle about the fact that some thing one day we'll kill each other and the rest (very vocally) think we're going to fall into bed - which is a little creepy, but there you go.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Oh ouch - I've been very very sore all over my body after a seizure after falling down. One time I had a seizure at my office desk, my body slammed forward into the desk and the desk cut my forehead, then the chair rolled backward at the same time and dropped me on the floor.

And my coworkers got to see it. Fun.

That was also the first time I lost bladder control during a seizure. NOT FUN.

And your relationship sounds like me and my friends - but without the making out.

Oh honey PLEASE - my sweetie's been in menopause for years. Zero libido + hip replacements and back pain = I can remember the last time we "made out". Lesbian bed death for realz.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Awww.

And have a good trip! The Pod 39 is a good place - make sure to use the rooftop bar...

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

My sweetie stayed at the Pod51 a year ago and LOVED it - she called me to say that the bed was great. She has back pain and bilateral hip replacements. In the 17 years we've been together, travelling and staying at motels/hotels etc that's THE ONE AND ONLY time she ever reported that.

She did not mention a rooftop bar, however. (She'll probably want to go to bed early, I may have to sneak out...)

When did you stay in NYC?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Check this out. I stayed there when I was in NYC last year, and barring any unforseen lottery wins, I plan to stay there next time I go; it's not exactly five-star standard, but very comfortable and clean, walking distance from Grand Central...

Oh, and glad to hear you're getting your old place back too. There's something about coming home.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Oh that's gorgeous! But then she stayed in March last year, and it's just now getting back into the fourties (fahrenheit) here - I wonder if it'll be closed? It's worth it just for the view. (That brickwork!)

And there's a restaurant there? Those pics look yummy and I am ALL ABOUT THE FOOD when I travel. How was the food when you tried it?

barring any unforseen lottery wins, I plan to stay there next time I go; it's not exactly five-star standard, but very comfortable and clean, walking distance from Grand Central...

We've stayed at hostels, at the YMCA in New York, at lousy motels; we've camped and slept in the back of our pickup truck (that ended with the hip replacements, thank goodness). So we're definitely not the folks who bitch if we can't eat off the floor; we just want reasonably clean and a decent mattress.

There's something about coming home.

The first few times I went back into the apartment after the fire I felt weird, icky even - like something had been violated - and now I'm "It's gorgeous and I can't wait to get back!" It's still the old place, just improved.

A friend of ours said that our living space is "like the skin we wrap around ourselves" when we told her about the fire, and that's a spot-on description.

Ironically, my partner is out right now talking to someone at a mortgage firm and has been looking at houses to buy and is talking about getting our own place AGAIN. Which she does every few years since we moved here 12 years ago. And I want to know "WHY?" She's 62 and a few years from Social Security, I'm unemployed, we both have back problems, she wants the cheapest place she can find which means fixer-upper. She's owned homes in the past but I think there's this fantasy of "security" she still has, when in fact she knows it's a ton of damn work and money.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I didn't really try the food at the hotel; there's a good breakfast place down on Lexington if you're into diner food, though. (Apparently it's the local cop hangout, which is usually a good sign.)

I'm a long-haul apartment dweller. Sometimes I dream about a house, a garden... then I remember mowing the lawn and it passes. :)

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

then I remember mowing the lawn and it passes. :)

Tell me about it. I remember the old bungalow she owned in Asheville north carolina and sold so we could move to New England. We bought scaffolding, scraped, painted, powerwashed; she got up on the roof; pulled up half the yard, dug out the basement etc etc etc to sell it

And she said "I'm never owning a house ever again!"

Remember that sweetie, just remember that.

I think the urge to own a home is like the urges I get once a decade to bear children. totally hormonal. I just take a walk around the block and it goes away in a day or two. *lol*

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

UPDATE - we didn't find the diner you referring to (I don't think we did anyway) but we ate at the Delmonico Gourment Market on Lexington btwn 40 & 41st on Thursday, in the wells fargo bldg - EXCELLENT food at the hot bar. Some of the best baked salmon I've ever had eating out, including stuff I've order at fancy restaurants. I loaded my plate with that and a lot of other things for about $10 but my sweetie only spent $5; and everything was delicious.
(Weirdly enough their website only shows a 59th street location)

Alas, it was not open on Saturday for a return visit. I forgot the city operates differently on saturday.

[http://users.livejournal.com/mazal_/]

When you say that "Love isn't ribbons and bows, kids," it reminds me of a line from the show.

Spike, in the episode Lover's Walk I think, said something like the above, and that it is really "blood working to do its will."

And the way your sweetie helps you with your epilepsy reminds me of how Blair helps Jim from "zoning out" in my other fave fandom, The Sentinel.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

OH Spike. So right about so many things and yet so WRONG about things at the same time.

I think what he's talking about sounds to me very much like being "in love", "romantic love" or even lust. And culturally we definitely confuse "in love" with "love". I know I did for the longest time, and it just creates so many more problems. (As in,"I don't feel the same way about you as we did when we met I must not love you anymore". Which for a lot of people is the point that they break up. I think that it can also be the point at which genuine love begins. Like I know anything at this point.)

And the way your sweetie helps you with your epilepsy reminds me of how Blair helps Jim from "zoning out" in my other fave fandom, The Sentinel.

Oh? This sounds most interesting and I don't think anyone's rec'd this to me. And of course it's NOT available on Netflix instant streaming. *ugh* Do tell me more.

BTW- your Eliza/Faith icon (or is it Tru Calling?) is fantastically pretty. Is there text on it? My template shrinks everything so I can't see properly.

[http://users.livejournal.com/mazal_/]

Thanks for writing back.

About my icon(s) ... I have three, all with the same wording, "damaged but not broken." That's a phrase I sometimes use about myself, and I have three, all in the Whedonverse: one for Faith, one for Kate Lockley and one for River Tam. They were designed for me by a LiveJournal friend whom I've lost touch with lately, as a thank you for my donating what tiny amount I could to one of the many international disasters in the past few years (possibly the tsunami in Indonesia; I don't remember).

"The Sentinel" was a cult favorite on television in the late 1990s in the United States. The first season only was put on DVD. It was a paranormal buddy-cop drama. In the show's mythology, a sentinel is someone born with all five senses hugely enhanced and mystically intended to be protector of his/her tribe. And in Washington state in the 1980s and 1990s, that meant that James Joseph "Jim" Ellison became a soldier and then a cop. Unfortunately, a sentinel sometimes hyper-focuses on one sense and essentially falls into a trance (zone) and therefore needs a guide to bring him/her back to full consciousness before disaster can ensue. For Jim, that turns out to be anthropology doctoral candidate Blair Sandburg.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I have three, all with the same wording, "damaged but not broken."

I like this a lot - I've done icons with similar wording for Buffy but the phrasing was not nearly as elegant. And I'm in awe of your friend's ability to get such a high-quality image in an icon. I recognize the image now as one of Eliza done as a promo shot for S7 of Buffy (or S5 of AtS?)

Unfortunately, a sentinel sometimes hyper-focuses on one sense and essentially falls into a trance (zone) and therefore needs a guide to bring him/her back to full consciousness before disaster can ensue. For Jim, that turns out to be anthropology doctoral candidate Blair Sandburg.

This sounds like it's (potentially) right up my alley - and also tricksy, because depictions of seizures or states resembling seizures in movies or tv can be a little triggery for me because of my own epilepsy. (I was watching Steel Magnolias with my mom as a teenager and when the main character has a seizure in the beauty parlour chair we both started crying.) But it's definitely intriguing enough that I'd want to check it out, thank you for the rec! Sometimes Netflix adds new stuff to instant streaming. (Rarely...occasionally....sometimes...)

anthropology doctoral candidate Blair Sandburg.

*strokes chin* So before there was Temperance Brennan.... *lol*

[readerjane]

Hope you two have a wonderful trip!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Thanks hon!

[kikimay]

Have a wonderful trip! Your fluffy story is SO CUTE. And love isn't ribbons and bows, yes, but that's fine. We are human beings. (It makes me think about that scene, in Something Blue, when Buffy talks about love and the fire in it to Willow and than dust a vamp. "I wonder where I get that from" XD)

*puts her shippy icons*

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

"I wonder where I get that from"

Totally random gif is random:

[kikimay]

And for the record that kiss scene is from the bloopers. They show the bloopers at the end of every episode and they are actually funnier than the episode itself. XD

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

LIke the "Where'd you learn those Dukes of hazzards moves?" / "Sunnydale."

When people are watching a show more for the outtakes than the show itself - I would think SOMEONE would realize they have a problem?

[snogged.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a great trip!

Also...I loved your fluffy story. It was so cute!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Thanks sweetie! And I think the trip will be lots of fun - of course we'll pay for it with sore feet and headaches. No pain no gain!

[baudown.livejournal.com]

Seeing The Dinner Party for the first time is a fantastic experience. Enjoy, and if you get a chance, try to go to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, if you haven't been there before. It's right there, and it's wonderful.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Oh thanks for the recommendatio on the Garden, I'll see if can fit it in! If not, another time.

And I've been wanting to see the Dinner Party since I first read about it in House Beautiful magazine when I was a teenager in the 1980's. I can still remember the photos and the article itself, really very good. (And in a mainstream upscale decorating magazine, no lie.)

When/where did you see it?

[baudown.livejournal.com]

I saw it at least ten years ago, when it was on temporary exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum. I think they added it to their permanent collection some time later. And I remember reading about it in a magazine as a teen in the eighties! I always thought it was Ms. Magazine, but who knows?

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

We didn't get to the Garden - we spent three hours at the BAM and had to get to Chinatown etc, so next time. I could have gladly skipped the Armory show altogether and spent two days at the BAM, but we were going in the first place so my sweetie could go to the Armory show. Something I don't need to do ever again.

I also liked the Dr Ronald McNair Garden and Memorial - that was small but really sweet and the quotes by him made me want to learn more about him, which I consider a very successful momument to a person.

And I remember reading about it in a magazine as a teen in the eighties! I always thought it was Ms. Magazine, but who knows?

You probably did - we didn't have Ms Magazine in our house back in the day. keep in mind, I had a subscription to Esquire. the magazine for men. Even though I considered myself a feminist as a teenager. (that one really confused my mom.) I just read it for the articles (which were often fantastic). that's my story and I'm sticking to it. *ahem*

Anyhoo - the Dinner Party was impressive. The dim lighting makes it look like a theater piece and I think it works beautifully that way (imagining the women who would fill those spaces), but the darkness also makes it hard to see the craftwork well; sometimes I couldn't read the names on the runners.

[baudown.livejournal.com]

I'm glad The Dinner Party didn't disappoint -- sometimes, you build a thing up in your head, and then the reality is like, meh. I don't remember the dim lighting -- I think it might not have been that way when I saw it as a temporary exhibition.

When I was a kid, my father got Esquire, and my mother got Ms. -- it's like they each had a guidebook for who they were supposed to be as a 70s man and woman.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

When I was a kid, my father got Esquire, and my mother got Ms. -- it's like they each had a guidebook for who they were supposed to be as a 70s man and woman.

Oh that's too funny. Isn't it odd that we still depend on the media to "instruct" us?

[baudown.livejournal.com]

It's eternal. It probably started with cave paintings.

[chasingdemons.livejournal.com]

Enjoy!! And I love your stories. :)

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Thanks muchly sweetie! I'll have to come up with more "fluffy stories" - I'm sure I'll have quite a few when I come back from NYC. *lol*

[eilowyn.livejournal.com]

D'aw! And have fun! Ooh, tell me if you see any feminist takes on Our Lady of Guadalupe at the Feminist museum! I did a school project on them and there are some awesome ones out there!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Will do! *scribbles note to self*

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Hey Lexi went to the BAM today. GREAT art museum - we liked the civil rights art exhibit best. NO feminist revisions of OLoG.

but there was a revision of "the new Aunt jemima" with an automatic rifle blasting the pancakes to hell. Does that count?

[eilowyn.livejournal.com]

That. Is. AWESOME. Glad you had fun!!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Oh I have much to report.

There was nothing at the 100th anniversary Armory Art show that was nearly as provocative or interesting as what the BAM had. And food - I have dining recs to share!

[spikesredqueen.livejournal.com]

Have a fun and safe trip! And, aww you guys are so cute!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Thanks! My lady love would be astonished to find out She's becoming famous so it will be our little secret, eh?

[elisi]

Love isn't ribbons and bows, kids.
Heh. Tell me about it!

But seriously, thanks for sharing! ♥

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the commenting!

[chic-c.livejournal.com]

Glad the old apartment is almost ready and improved!

Have fun in NYC and thanks for sharing your fluffy stories! :D

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Thanks! We just got back from NYC a couple of hours ago and I'll have stories from the city this week. :)