Feeling left out o' the loop....

[red_satin_doll]

 Am I the ONLY person in this corner of LJ fandom who DIDN'T watch the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary special?  (Apparently my "inner Willow I hate to
be left out Rosenberg" has come out to pla pout.  Which gives me pause....)

Aaaaaaannnnnnddddd in other non-whiny new o' my life, my sweetie ordered a new computer today. Last we she bought me new twin bed to replace the one that got crispy-fried in August. First pillow-top mattress I've had! Plus new sheet and down comforter. I felt a wee bit self-conscious about it as "her bed" because like most things in our home, she purchased it. (She has a job, I'm unemployed.). But she called it mine.

Sometimes I am reminded all over again why I love her and what's kept us together for nigh on 17 years. I suspect our relationship mightn't look functional to any one else, and it sure as hell doesn't fit any neat ideals in the self-help books. But it works in it's own strange way - we get by.  At the end of the day all we have is everything we are.

(And at the end of the day, maybe that's why I love Buffy&Spike in all their screwed-up, messy, sometimes tender, sometimes terrible glory? It's something I can recognize, feel, understand. The rest of the world be damned.)

Comments

[debris4spike]

I didn't see it as I was at Mum & Dad's (being a weekend) ... but am just downloading it now!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Have you had the chance to watch it yet?

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

but am just downloading it now!

So have you seen it yet? What did you think of it?

[debris4spike]

I did see it, but found some of it more muddled than usual (although I was trying to write a letter at the same time .... and battling an horrific virus) ... so must re-watch. I did think the end answered a lot of the muddle, but think they tried to pack a bit too much into a short time.

But Dr Who is still a legend!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

(although I was trying to write a letter at the same time .... and battling an horrific virus) ... so must re-watch.

I'd laugh except being sick with a virus isn't funny (nasty things!)

[debris4spike]

I think it was the "taking time out to cough" (yes the virus is in my chest and diaphragm) which is where I missed a few bits of the story ... I should have hit the pause button!!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Taking time out to cough? Whoa, nelly - that sounds horrid. I've had things like that (pneumonia three times etc) - do you feel sometimes like you're going to cough up a lung?

[debris4spike]

One lung gone ... the other on it's way!!! I had viral pneumonia twice, and although this is "just" an infection the coughing has been as bad as with the pneu's ... sadly even a cough suppressant isn't really working. It's at times like this it is good I am single - I am annoying myself keeping awake, but at least it's only me!!!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

"Gone" as in "far gone" (doing poorly) or "gone" as in "had to have it removed"?

sadly even a cough suppressant isn't really working

They never really do - they just delay it for a little while. Honey and lemon works just as well on that account if not quite as long. (And no alcohol. Although maybe the alcohol is part of of the point? *lol*) We also keep a bottle of Olba's syrup in our cabinet: http://www.olbas.com/olbascoughsyrup.htm

(Just like painkillers don't get rid of pain, they mask it. That said? Of course I took painkillers for nearly a year after my back injury. I'd never say "don't do it" if that's what someone needs to simply get through the day.)

It's at times like this it is good I am single - I am annoying myself keeping awake, but at least it's only me!!!

Thanks to my snoring my partner and I keep separate bedrooms - so, I hear you on that account. Oh goodness do I ever.

[debris4spike]

No - it's OK I haven't actually lost a lung, just felt that I have coughed so much it must have gone somewhere!

I have tried numerous cough mixtures over the years (I damaged my diaphragm and am prone to coughing fits) and find that one sip of whiskey is usually the best bet! (I don't like it, honest!!) But this one with the virus is just so full-on nothing touches it.

Mum used to always moan about dad's snoring ... no complaints now as she is slightly deaf!!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

find that one sip of whiskey is usually the best bet! (I don't like it, honest!!)

And I wouldn't judge you if you did, so no worries!

no complaints now as she is slightly deaf!!

hmmm.....

That Servalan icon is SOOOOO pretty. She was such a fantastic character.

[shapinglight]

I saw it, and enjoyed it fine, but I don't have anything to say about it afterwards.

It was a fun program I watched. :)

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Sounds like most tv I have watched - enjoy it while it's on forget about it afterwards.

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

I've never watched Doctor Who.

As for your relationship - who gives a darn whether it fits into some preconceived notion of how two people are supposed to live? If it works for you both, that's all that matters, because it's about you, not a bunch of kibitzers.


Gabrielle

Sorry for the late reply!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

If it works for you both, that's all that matters, because it's about you, not a bunch of kibitzers.

I had to look up the word "kibitzers" - vocabulary enrichment FTW!

It's funny because I think that my writing this was me trying to work out whether or not the relationship is working for us or not - trying to persuade myself? heh We've since had one of those dreaded "relationship talks" that ended with "we'll try harder" - stuff got aired, at least. that's something.

Happy new year, hon!

[bogwitch.livejournal.com]

I watched Doctor Who, but I thought it was rather boring.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Are you a fan of the show otherwise?

[teragramm.livejournal.com]

Count me in as one of those who didn't watch the Dr. Who special.

But it works in it's own strange way - we get by. I think that description is true for 90% of couples with a relationship that works. I never trust those relationships where the couple says "we are perfect together". To me that's total and complete crap. They can't be "perfect together" all the time. I always say (and I don't mean this in a dirty way) a couple works if all of their puzzle pieces fit. Like for instance, if you are always late and your partner is always early, you work it out so as a couple you are on time.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I never trust those relationships where the couple says "we are perfect together". To me that's total and complete crap. They can't be "perfect together" all the time.

Oh exactly - I tend to suspect those folks are telling me what they want me to believe. to be fair, those may also be couples who are still in the early "honeymoon" phase of the relationship. EVERYBODY sees themselves and their partners through rose-tinted glasses then.

Or maybe there are couples who are that drama free. I may have seen one of those once. I think I also saw a unicorn once, too. (He lives in upstate New York, btw. Anti-social, prefers virgins, terrible hygiene.)

[readerjane]

I haven't seen it yet. Will do soon.

[rahirah]

Aw, any time you want to drink the Doctor Who Kool-Aid, we will be more than willing to supply you. :D

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks! elisi is seducing me into New Who fandom ( or specifically River Song fandom) so I'll probably watch on Netflix when we get the 'puter back.

[rahirah]

Just keep in mind that Old Who fandom has Barbara and Sarah Jane and Jo and Leela and Romana and Zoe and Ace. :D

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

My friends introduced me to Dr Who in the '90's when I was in college, right before the show was put on hiatus. *pout* we LOVED #7 and Ace (my best friend's favorites were Tom Baker and John Pertwee but Sylvester McCoy was right up there) - Ace and #7 are on my top four list of "favorite fictional metaphorical father-daughter pairing" (along with Giles and Buffy, of course.)

There was an episode with a feline cat woman warrior who rode a horse and before her dying breath said to Ace "good hunting sister" and I still adore that moment; Buffy's dream of her predecessor in chapter one of bone_dry1013's Origins fic reminds me quite a bit of that moment. (It would have worked beautifully in btvs. yet another missed opportunity, Joss.)

[snogged.livejournal.com]

I haven't gotten a chance to watch the special yet, but I want to watch it.

*hugs*

[dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com]

I have not seen it. I didn't even know about it beforehand.

[eilowyn.livejournal.com]

I'm avoiding spoilers like the plague so I can enjoy the 50th in 3D tomorrow. It's been difficult, especially when green_maia said Ten and Eleven have a Ian Mckellan/Patrick Stewart-like chemistry (see: the X-Men movies for reference).

And I kind of love warm fuzzy stories about you and your sweetie. And pillow top mattresses are warm and fuzzy.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

And I kind of love warm fuzzy stories about you and your sweetie. And pillow top mattresses are warm and fuzzy.

Huh. And thanks! I worried this sort of thing didn't fit this LJ but if there's a readership for it (oh, the pressure *flopsweat*)

BTW this pillow top is actually extra-firm! i don't remember it being such in the store but I can't find the receipt to confirm we got the right one. So I've got a foam pad and an old comforter atop it; I'm thinking of a gel pad for it. Having a down comforter (even an inexpensive one) and a fleece blanket plus new sheets along with is sweet.

[istne-pieklo.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen DW either and the more I read about it, the less I want to. I loved this show in its early seasons, but now all it does is make me want to spit poison. :(
Your relationship sounds more perfect that any boring self-help book stereotype. As long as you're happy, it must mean that it works. :))

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

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<i.I loved this show in its early seasons, but now all it does is make me want to spit poison. :( </i>

Oh dear. May I ask why? (I have no feelings about the new who because I haven't seen any of it.)

<i>As long as you're happy, it must mean that it works</i>

I was talking about this same point with <user site="livejournal.com" user="clockwork_hart1"> (Lucy) downthread so I'll link to that:
http://red-satin-doll.livejournal.com/27614.html?thread=660190#t660190
Because I was surprised that more than one person said what you did, that as long as I was "happy", and I didn't think I'd meant to convey "happiness". Many times I'm NOT happy, and that's one of the biggest issues for me that I wrestle with on a day-to-day basis.

I think Lucy hit the nail on the head: "functional and happy aren't the same, but as long as it feels... worth something, then something has to be right." Maybe that's what I was getting at? there are things in this relationship that work, and things that don't - happiness seems to be quite beside the point.

BTW - your Touched Icon is LOVE. I want to cuddle up inside of it.

[itsnotmymind.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen the Doctor Who special. I like the show, but have neither the time nor energy to keep up with it.

[lookingforoctober (from livejournal.com)]

You may add me to the list of people who haven't seen the Doctor Who special...but then, I've only ever seen two episodes of Doctor Who total.

[sum1-different.livejournal.com]

I didn't watch the Doctor Who special. I got disillusioned with Doctor Who ages ago.

[clockwork-hart1.livejournal.com]

I did see the Anniversary, but it's been a part of my life for nine whole years now, which, considering my age, is a long time. Besides, it's been the only news over here for the last three months. It was inescapable.

But yay for having a real bed! And no relationship fits into the little niches they love to stick people in. Who the hell cares if it doesn't "look functional"? If it works for you, it works. Which makes me both happy for you and lonely. Sigh. That's what friends are for, right?

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I had never heard of Dr Who until my friends introduced me to it (along with Blake's 7 and Red Dwarf) in college. We were watching when #7 and Ace were on. They were probably the first fictional surrogate father-daughter pairing I fell in love with long before Buffy and Giles.

So Dr Who isn't an institution here in the US like it is in the UK.

Regarding relationships - I wish I had enjoyed my single years more. I also thought that being in love would lead to happiness and it's not so simple. When I partnered up I made all the mistakes I swore I wouldn't - neglected friends because I was spending all my time with my new honey. Nearly everyone does it but it's fatal to isolate yourself.

I guess what I mean is don't idealize the ideal of romantic relationships. Sometimes the loneliest place in the world for me is when I'm with my partner. I'm intrigued by the fact that some folks in this thread mention the idea of me being happy because I didn't realize I'd implied that; "functional" is not the same as "happy".

Tis something to ponder further....

[clockwork-hart1.livejournal.com]

Ah, you know Red Dwarf? How lucky are you? My brother got me into that as a kid, and I still watch re-runs. It's an acquired taste, though, and my friends can't stand it. Never saw Blake's 7, though (but I do know who Servalan is). I haven't seen much Classic Who, but my family always loved #3 and #4 so I got to know them (and Sarah Jane! - RIP Liz) really well. I do know enough about #7 and Ace to know she beat up a Dalek with a baseball bat - girl after my own heart. I see up thread you're being seduced to New Who via River Song? I'm kind of in love with her, so I approve of this seduction.

So Dr Who isn't an institution here in the US like it is in the UK.

But it couldn't not be an institution here, it's our greatest export. What a claim to fame?

And as for relationships, well, it's not so much idealizing them, more I've never really had a serious one. I don't find it easy to connect with people, and a few things have screwed my emotions up quite royally, so I'm not very good with romance.

No, functional and happy aren't the same, but as long as it feels... worth something, then something has to be right.

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

The first couple of seasons of Red Dwarf were great fun but then something just...declined, at some point, and I can't say why. I haven't revisited it since college. I didn't like the switch from the male computer to the female one - and I'm usually all about the ladies, but the sardonic quality of the male computer "personality" fit the show so well.

You must see #7 and Ace - that run isn't clever and witty like #7 - but it had a distinctly feminist feel to it. Or at least I thought so at the time; perhaps if I saw it again I'd think it bunk. The production values and special effects (bluescreen backgrounds f.ex.) were as cheesy as ever, but it was the first time where the stories were specifically focused on the companion's history - the Victorian house she burnt down that got her into juvie school; meeting her grandmother as a young woman during WW2 (unbeknownst to either one of them); the feline female warrior who says "good hunting sister" in a way that makes me think of bone_dry1013's Origins story for Buffy.

And I loved #7 himself - he's sort of a British version of Columbo, sort of absent-minded and a little silly and someone who doesn't seem like he'd be formidable, but has a fierce moral code: "If we fight like animals, then we die like animals!"

If you watch it let me know there is one moment in particular that I'd love to talk about but don't want to spoil re: #7 and his relationship to Ace.

I'm not very good with romance.

Secret: most people aren't. "Romance" wasn't part of the paradigm of love and marriage for most of Western (Judeo-Christian) history; it's a relatively modern concept. Even into the 19th century, marriage was about procreation, extending the "tribe" and the family bloodlines, an economic and pragmatic exchange. And that's still true in many cultures; that doesn't mean love doesn't come to exist and in many times it does.

If "romance" were natural and easy, we wouldn't need an entire industry to sell us on it: self-help books, Valentines cards and chocolates, romance novels, etc. So don't be too hard on yourself! When I was in my twenties I thought I was a freak for still being a virgin, for never having dated, etc; thanks to the internet I'm discovering that I wasn't unique at all. That would have been nice to know back in the day; so I try to let people know that nowadays.

The desire for companionship is very real, but there is no one way to "be", despite what the movies tell us.

but as long as it feels... worth something, then something has to be right.

I think you got to the heart of what I was trying to say with this post. Nail, head.