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red_satin_dollNote to self: Try rewatch an episode before writing meta about it. Because I rewatched "Anne" this morning, and it's even better than I remembered. In fact, I can say that it and "Bargaining" are my favorite season openers.
(Note to everyone else: I cannot get the lj cut tag to work, in either rich text or html, even after much effort. So I apologize for this all showing up on the Friends page. I assume you still love me anyway, gentle reader.)
I mentioned yesterday that "Anne" is an encapsulation of S6's theme of Buffy's depression in a single episode. Watching it again this morning, for the first time since I finished the series, I realized that it's an encapsulation of pretty much the entire seven seasons, (And it captures pretty much everything that makes it my favorite TV show ever: humor and drama in perfect balance, wonderful character work, and a kick-ass fight scene.)
First off, there's a lot going on in this episode, such as economic class issues, personified later in the season by Faith; and Xander and Cordy's difficult relationship, characterized by avoidance, dislike, insults and sex that masks genuine affection (shades of Buffy and Spike, anyone?) I'll talk about those in other meta posts, but for this one I want to focus on Buffy's depression arc as reflected in "Anne" and portrayed over the entire series. We tend to think of S6 (and late S5) as the "depression arc" but the show has been very careful to build that aspect of Buffy's character from the beginning of S2.
The opening scene with the Scoobies (Xander, Willow, Oz) trying to fight vampires in Buffy's absence, and botching it up (although I think they need to cut themselves some slack - half the vamps dusted is better than none, right?) will be repeated in "Bargaining": "We need Buffy". And their reaction to her return in the next episode, Dead Man's Party, will be called back in After Life: Taking her presence for granted once she returns, failing to ask her what's going on in her head, what she's been through, or what she might really need.
The reversal here of course is that in "Anne" she descends to a "Hell" from which she fights her way out; in the Gift she "ascends" to Heaven, only to be torn from it in "Bargaining" without her consent:
"Anne":
(Buffy) "This isn't hell."
(Ken) "What is Hell? The total absence of hope."
After Life:
"Where ever I was, I think I was happy....I was finished. Complete....I think I was in Heaven. And now I'm not. I was torn out of there, pulled out by my friends....Everything here is hard, and bright, and violen. Everything I feel, everything I touch - this is hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that, knowing what I've lost. They [the Scoobies] can never know. Never."
Buffy's monologue in AL, poignant as it may be (all praise to SMG's delivery), is summed in the single shot in "Anne" at the top of this post: despair, depression, PTSD, the sense of having lost everything: family, friends, lover, childhood innocence; exiling herself to an urban setting (L.A.) that is "hard...and violent." Even the reference to her friends' actions in Bargaining, and "They can never know [where I've been, what I've gone through]" is relevant to Becoming/Anne: Buffy never mentions Xander's lie ("Willow said 'Kick his ass' ") and her perception that her friends abandoned her until S7's "Selfless".
The dark, fiery setting of the underground factory is a place she returns to both physically and emotionally throughout the series.
She descends to that hell, the utter absence of hope in S5: TWOTW and The Gift; most of S6 up to Normal Again; EP and Touched in S7, finally vanquishing it physically and emotionally in Chosen.
In each instance Buffy must fight to break through her depressive state by renewing connections to her Slayer instincts and to her friends and family on her own terms. The personal (Buffy) becomes the political (the Slayer). In both "The Gift" and "Chosen" her solutions to saving the world are also motivated by a desire to protect loved ones (Dawn in The Gift) or banishing her own fears (of dying alone, in "Chosen".) It's not coincidental that in most instances, with the exception of "Touched", this is facilitated primarily by other women, especially friends and family: Lily and Joyce in "Anne", Willow in TWOTW, Dawn in "Grave", Joyce again in "Normal Again". One of BtVS's strength is that it continually affirms and values relationships between women in a way that was (and is) still relatively uncommon in US movies and tv shows. (See![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gabrielleabelle's meta "Women, Connecting".)
"Touched" twists the pattern around a bit: Spike, arguably the most "androgynous" of the male characters (he and Buffy have shifted male/female role expectations fluidly, if not easily, throughout their relationship) reestablishes the emotional connection that allows her to break through and reclaim her identity and purpose. That can be interpreted positively: the male and female halves of Buffy (as well as Spike), the anima and animus, joined together in strength rather than weakness; or negatively: women will ultimately betray one another, and a woman's most important connections are with men. I'm not wanting to engage in a "Spuffy-centric" conversation here, btw; I'm just trying to parse out the writers' intended and unintended messages in the gender twist to the pattern.
Buffy then reconnects with Willow and Faith ("Good thing we're such hot chicks" / "Takes the edge off") to create the Slayer spell and connect through and with them with all the Potentials all over the world. That the spell has a some very unpleasant implications - violation of personal agency, the creation of a master race, etc - is something that has been thoroughly discussed and I'm going to put aside in-depth consideration of it for the moment - again, I'm trying to look at it only in the context of Buffy's depression arc. In this regard, however, I thinklocal_max made an excellent point the other day that in the context of Chosen Buffy is less trangressive than Willow, and I'd argue that Buffy's affirmation of the WC's mission, spreading it outward, continuing the "war" rather than questioning, subverting or rejecting it entirely, supports his observation. In "Anne" the positive negative implications of the Slayer spell are foreshadowed in Buffy's command to a scared and reluctant Lily (a sort of proto-Potential, if you will) that she lead the other workers out of the factory: "You can handle this - because I say so". She acts as "General Buffy", commanding the troops, delegating tasks, and empowering another girl, or more precisely permission (via a verbal kick in the ass) to claim her own power; but she has also makes an assumption about the other girl's ability or willingness to do the task out of immediate practical need without prior proof that Lily can step up to the plate, and is proven only by happenstance. (What if Lily hadn't pushed Ken off the scaffold?)
That her depressive episodes reoccur over the run of the series (and I am purposefully excluding the comics as I do not consider them head-canon, at least) indicate that simply "getting over herself" is not sufficient to solve her underlying issues. The show's attitude towards professional therapeutic help ("Beauty and the Beasts", and "Normal Again") is a bit of a mixed bag, and I want to on more in-depth on the subject in another meta. Suffice it to say, Buffy never receives real help, except of the bootstrap variety; no therapy - or rest - for the Slayer.
(I've got a lot more to say about "Anne": about Joyce's anger toward Giles and the WC, about Xander and Cordy's relationship, class issues, etc. To be continued....)
(Note to everyone else: I cannot get the lj cut tag to work, in either rich text or html, even after much effort. So I apologize for this all showing up on the Friends page. I assume you still love me anyway, gentle reader.)
I mentioned yesterday that "Anne" is an encapsulation of S6's theme of Buffy's depression in a single episode. Watching it again this morning, for the first time since I finished the series, I realized that it's an encapsulation of pretty much the entire seven seasons, (And it captures pretty much everything that makes it my favorite TV show ever: humor and drama in perfect balance, wonderful character work, and a kick-ass fight scene.)
First off, there's a lot going on in this episode, such as economic class issues, personified later in the season by Faith; and Xander and Cordy's difficult relationship, characterized by avoidance, dislike, insults and sex that masks genuine affection (shades of Buffy and Spike, anyone?) I'll talk about those in other meta posts, but for this one I want to focus on Buffy's depression arc as reflected in "Anne" and portrayed over the entire series. We tend to think of S6 (and late S5) as the "depression arc" but the show has been very careful to build that aspect of Buffy's character from the beginning of S2.
The opening scene with the Scoobies (Xander, Willow, Oz) trying to fight vampires in Buffy's absence, and botching it up (although I think they need to cut themselves some slack - half the vamps dusted is better than none, right?) will be repeated in "Bargaining": "We need Buffy". And their reaction to her return in the next episode, Dead Man's Party, will be called back in After Life: Taking her presence for granted once she returns, failing to ask her what's going on in her head, what she's been through, or what she might really need.
The reversal here of course is that in "Anne" she descends to a "Hell" from which she fights her way out; in the Gift she "ascends" to Heaven, only to be torn from it in "Bargaining" without her consent:
"Anne":
(Buffy) "This isn't hell."
(Ken) "What is Hell? The total absence of hope."
After Life:
"Where ever I was, I think I was happy....I was finished. Complete....I think I was in Heaven. And now I'm not. I was torn out of there, pulled out by my friends....Everything here is hard, and bright, and violen. Everything I feel, everything I touch - this is hell. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that, knowing what I've lost. They [the Scoobies] can never know. Never."
Buffy's monologue in AL, poignant as it may be (all praise to SMG's delivery), is summed in the single shot in "Anne" at the top of this post: despair, depression, PTSD, the sense of having lost everything: family, friends, lover, childhood innocence; exiling herself to an urban setting (L.A.) that is "hard...and violent." Even the reference to her friends' actions in Bargaining, and "They can never know [where I've been, what I've gone through]" is relevant to Becoming/Anne: Buffy never mentions Xander's lie ("Willow said 'Kick his ass' ") and her perception that her friends abandoned her until S7's "Selfless".
The dark, fiery setting of the underground factory is a place she returns to both physically and emotionally throughout the series.
She descends to that hell, the utter absence of hope in S5: TWOTW and The Gift; most of S6 up to Normal Again; EP and Touched in S7, finally vanquishing it physically and emotionally in Chosen.
In each instance Buffy must fight to break through her depressive state by renewing connections to her Slayer instincts and to her friends and family on her own terms. The personal (Buffy) becomes the political (the Slayer). In both "The Gift" and "Chosen" her solutions to saving the world are also motivated by a desire to protect loved ones (Dawn in The Gift) or banishing her own fears (of dying alone, in "Chosen".) It's not coincidental that in most instances, with the exception of "Touched", this is facilitated primarily by other women, especially friends and family: Lily and Joyce in "Anne", Willow in TWOTW, Dawn in "Grave", Joyce again in "Normal Again". One of BtVS's strength is that it continually affirms and values relationships between women in a way that was (and is) still relatively uncommon in US movies and tv shows. (See
gabrielleabelle's meta "Women, Connecting".) "Touched" twists the pattern around a bit: Spike, arguably the most "androgynous" of the male characters (he and Buffy have shifted male/female role expectations fluidly, if not easily, throughout their relationship) reestablishes the emotional connection that allows her to break through and reclaim her identity and purpose. That can be interpreted positively: the male and female halves of Buffy (as well as Spike), the anima and animus, joined together in strength rather than weakness; or negatively: women will ultimately betray one another, and a woman's most important connections are with men. I'm not wanting to engage in a "Spuffy-centric" conversation here, btw; I'm just trying to parse out the writers' intended and unintended messages in the gender twist to the pattern.
Buffy then reconnects with Willow and Faith ("Good thing we're such hot chicks" / "Takes the edge off") to create the Slayer spell and connect through and with them with all the Potentials all over the world. That the spell has a some very unpleasant implications - violation of personal agency, the creation of a master race, etc - is something that has been thoroughly discussed and I'm going to put aside in-depth consideration of it for the moment - again, I'm trying to look at it only in the context of Buffy's depression arc. In this regard, however, I think
local_max made an excellent point the other day that in the context of Chosen Buffy is less trangressive than Willow, and I'd argue that Buffy's affirmation of the WC's mission, spreading it outward, continuing the "war" rather than questioning, subverting or rejecting it entirely, supports his observation. In "Anne" the positive negative implications of the Slayer spell are foreshadowed in Buffy's command to a scared and reluctant Lily (a sort of proto-Potential, if you will) that she lead the other workers out of the factory: "You can handle this - because I say so". She acts as "General Buffy", commanding the troops, delegating tasks, and empowering another girl, or more precisely permission (via a verbal kick in the ass) to claim her own power; but she has also makes an assumption about the other girl's ability or willingness to do the task out of immediate practical need without prior proof that Lily can step up to the plate, and is proven only by happenstance. (What if Lily hadn't pushed Ken off the scaffold?)That her depressive episodes reoccur over the run of the series (and I am purposefully excluding the comics as I do not consider them head-canon, at least) indicate that simply "getting over herself" is not sufficient to solve her underlying issues. The show's attitude towards professional therapeutic help ("Beauty and the Beasts", and "Normal Again") is a bit of a mixed bag, and I want to on more in-depth on the subject in another meta. Suffice it to say, Buffy never receives real help, except of the bootstrap variety; no therapy - or rest - for the Slayer.
(I've got a lot more to say about "Anne": about Joyce's anger toward Giles and the WC, about Xander and Cordy's relationship, class issues, etc. To be continued....)
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no subject
Date: 2012-11-23 06:37 pm (UTC)It's one of the things I love about the show; I think it's also (aside from Spike) one of the things that divides early-season and late-season lovers? I mentioned upthread that I think it's one of the best portrayals of depression that I ever seen in American TV or movies. But I get why other people don't like it, or why they get impatient with Buffy - although again that seems to be complicated.
And even though she has a LOT to be depressed about, the dreadful events of her life are not the sole cause of her depression: it's a part of her, and something to be handled along with and simultaneously with the annual apocalypse.
The show makes pretty clear that unlike being vamped, being Chosen affects the body but not the mind; it gives physical strength but not the maturity or emotional strength needed to handle the tasks involved. Which is probably a very meta commentary on the maturation process, and how we - often due to societal expectations - are expected as children or teenagers to be more mature than we really are, to turn a certain age and just be able to fly on our own - that there's a magical number (18, 21 etc) and suddenly we're mature enough to handle drinking, voting, marriage, sex, parenthood, jobs, wars on the battlefield, etc.
Slightly OT, I think the scene in Passions, of Buffy in tears while overhearing her parents arguing, implies strongly to me that a tendency towards or possibility of depression is already there. That scene links forward as well to the Buffybot and the "I'm fine" mask of depression
I also like the way Buffy's family: biological, chosen and mystically created, makes her unique among Slayers.
I disagree somewhat: I know that's what Spike says in FFL, but the scene where the Chinese Slayer mentions her mother in her dying breath - and Spike can't understand what she's saying - made me realize that Spike's pronouncements shouldn't be taken at face value. He can be very perceptive at times, but at others I think he knows less about Buffy and Slayers than he claims to, or presumes knowledge that isn't born out by facts. We don't know anything about Nikki Wood - the idea of her having a son certainly wasn't in anyone's mind when FFL was shot, or else they would have made something of it sooner, but that's the thing - we don't know anything about her, and we have no proof that Spike does, either.
And Kendra was given to a Watcher by her parents at a young age, but that's not terribly uncommon in other cultures or past periods, when or where children may be sent to a monastery, to train with a shaman, to work in an artist's studio to apprentice, etc. In Kendra's case the Watcher becomes her family - as the Scoobies become Buffy's - and if Kendra seems to have been isolated somewhat, I think the point has more to do with her unfamiliarity with US (or post Enlightenment, post Industrial Revoluton) culture, which so highly prizes the "rights of the individual", and people's loyalties were shifted from tribe, clan, church and king to themselves and the nuclear family. In other words, in her own culture, I doubt Kendra would have to maintain the lies that Buffy does in a world that doesn't believe in vampires or magic; that Kendra might even have been a honored or respected part of the community. That I realize is a huge fanwank on my part, and I hope I'm not being racist in my assumptions.
I haven't watched AtS btw beyond a couple of episodes but I don't mind people talking about it, so I can't comment knowledgeably.
no subject
Date: 2012-11-25 09:31 pm (UTC)Those are really good points: I hadn't thought about it that way before. If Xin Rong had family ties (which Spike didn't know about because he couldn't understand her dying words) and Nikki had family ties (which Spike also didn't know about because a) he didn't quite hear Robin's gasp while Spike was fighting Nikki and/or b) the writers hadn't thought of Robin yet), then why did Spike tell Buffy that it's her ties which make her different?
Was it just to mess with Buffy's head? (We know Spike was good at perceiving peoples' weaknesses and using them to manipulate.) Or did Spike really believe what he was saying, and if he did believe it, why did he?
Spike killed two Slayers -- if he'd killed more, he certainly would have bragged about it. We don't know whether he fought more than two. Still, if he'd fought others and escaped with his unlife yet failed to kill them, *and* come away with the theory that human ties hold a Slayer's death wish at bay, wouldn't that imply that Spike saw the other Slayers living with close ties, didn't see the same with Xin Rong or Nikki, and concluded those ties gave the other Slayers extra resilience?
It's a puzzle.
I love puzzles. *G*
no subject
Date: 2012-11-26 02:19 am (UTC)Very much so. We wouldn't still be talking about the show ten years later - it's the holes and the ambiguities that make it possible! (I couldn't figure out why people have been writing and talking about a tv show for 10 years - that there are academic studies devoted to it - until I watched the series this year. Now I only wonder why it took me so long to find it.)
or b) the writers hadn't thought of Robin yet)
I'm positive they hadn't thought of Robin yet - there is no one else on that subway car as far as we can see (if they had thought up Robin we would have seen him, or been introduced to the adult version on the show much earlier, I think,perhaps in S5).
Speaking of - I've not lived in New York but have visited several times and taken the subway at all hours and have NEVER seen a car that wasn't packed. Definite creative license in that scene!
Was it just to mess with Buffy's head? (We know Spike was good at perceiving peoples' weaknesses and using them to manipulate.) Or did Spike really believe what he was saying, and if he did believe it, why did he?
I honestly think a little of both; Spike's motivations are always very complicated. He's skilled enough of an observer of human nature, in many instances (Beginnings, Something Blue, Tough Love, The Yoke Factor, etc) to the point that I think he gets a little cocky and overestimates his ability in that regard.
But the "mess with Buffy's head" factor can't be ignored IMO. Suddenly the Slayer who has pretty much looked down on him, the one he is attracted to (because he can't kill her, so that urge has been sublimated - beyond whatever genuine attraction exists), is coming to him for advice. the tables have been turned and now he's in control of the situation - or so he thinks. (Of course Buffy pushes him away.) being master manipulator, as well as a showman and drama queen, he's going to take the opportunity to both show off, crow about his accomplishments AND get under her skin.
He does the same thing - try to get under her skin in order to get closer to her, to take control of the situation - in Smashed, with "You Came Back Wrong", and Dead Things "You belong in the dark with me"; both times she's the one who turns the tables and wrests control of the situation back from him.
Spike's biggest "error" perhaps is thinking he can somehow "control" Buffy - which is part of what contributes to the tragedy of SR (not to get into that too much here, oy vey), and even to the soul-quest: this action will result in this response. Both he and Buffy learn how to "let go" in S7 (or how to take/share control appropriately), but it takes them an entire season.
no subject
Date: 2012-11-26 02:48 am (UTC)I think a big error Spike makes (not sure it's the biggest) is in trying to persuade Buffy that she belongs with him because she is a Wrong Thing like he is, instead of asking himself whether he might somehow belong with her, by becoming more like she is (a champion).
I can see why he would make that mistake. For one thing, Spike wouldn't ever, ever want to imitate Angel, and as far as he could see, Angel had the vampire/champion turf staked out. For another, while William saw himself as a Good person he was bullied and derided, then for the next 100 years Spike's self-esteem had been built around being evil.
Even after all the changes he made: helping the Scoobies, becoming Dawn's protector, it wasn't until the externally-imposed "goodness" of the chip was removed (at least in Buffy's case) that Spike regained the full freedom of good vs evil, chose to hurt Buffy, and then was forced to confront the consequences of his choice... at which point he was ready to contemplate the drastic voluntary surgery of regaining his soul.
(Now I only wonder why it took me so long to find it.)
I know why it took me so long... the title. Buffy the Vampire Slayer?? It sounded like the most awful fluff.
It wasn't until all my friends started squeeing about this movie called Serenity that I investigated... and discovered Firefly... and wished so badly there was more... and realized the guy who made Firefly was the guy who created BtVS... and finally, reluctantly, tried it. I'm so glad I did.
no subject
Date: 2012-11-26 03:56 pm (UTC)Ironically Spike sets himself up to eventually become a (possible) champion by striking a deal with Buffy in Bargaining, but the primary motivations there are self-preservation, keeping Dru alive (from Buffy) and keeping her as his possession (away from Angel); and simply to be contrary; the metaphorical rebellious teenager/twenty-something who will does the opposite of what his sire wants just for the pleasure of pissing him off
it wasn't until the externally-imposed "goodness" of the chip was removed (at least in Buffy's case) that Spike regained the full freedom of good vs evil, chose to hurt Buffy, and then was forced to confront the consequences of his choice... at which point he was ready to contemplate the drastic voluntary surgery of regaining his soul.
VERY MUCH in agreement here. I think this is pretty objectively a fact in-story (this is what the story is telling us, or told me) but I know this seems to be one of the most contested points of the show. Or rather, I've come across several fans who are more interested in the idea of Spike's soulless redemption, which is expressed a great deal in fanfic.
But I've also had another fan/writer who told me she agreed with me on this issue, but told me privately because she was afraid to do so openly. (She pointed me a fic by JamesMFan in which Spike says to Buffy "thank you for not loving me until I deserved it", http://spikeluver.com/SpuffyRealm/viewstory.php?sid=19153
although I'd also argue that she does "love" or rather feel something deeper than lust in S6.) The notion of soulless redemption never occurred to me and really doesn't interest me. Or rather, any interest I have in Spike's soul is primarily connected to it's effect on Buffy, and how their arcs run in parallel. Soulless redemption seems incomplete to me for exactly the reasons you describe.
I know why it took me so long... the title. Buffy the Vampire Slayer?? It sounded like the most awful fluff.
Yeah, that's probably it. (Although I remember the uproar about Tara's death and them being the first lesbian couple on TV - and it's depressing that they are STILL the exception rather than the rule even today - in the media back in the day which should have interested me at least a little? I didn't have TV then, and only had Netflix in the last couple of years.)
no subject
Date: 2012-11-28 02:26 am (UTC)I can certainly understand fans being skittish to discuss the subject, especially those who were in the fandom while the show was airing. I can imagine what the furor was like. And if you'd rather move this sub-thread to email, please let me know. Your journal, your rules.
(The notion of soulless redemption never occurred to me and really doesn't interest me.)
I'm interested in both.
The way we're presented with the concept of soul in the Buffyverse, it seems to be mostly an organ of guilt. It's the soul which lets humans feel guilty for their misdeeds, and since vampires have their souls removed, they're sort of spiritually disabled, lacking one of their senses.
But there are a lot of reasons to choose not to do evil (or, actively choose to do good) besides guilt. We can want to avoid the consequences of bad actions, want good people to praise us, want to please someone we care about, want someone to owe us, want to make the world a different place. All of those reasons are available to Spike even before he gets his soul back.
So I love AU's like Rahirah's Barbverse where Spike struggles with whether and how he can be good without a soul. And I also enjoy more canon-compliant stories with souled Spike, where he struggles with his guilt and regrets.
I think souls are more than just the thing that lets us feel guilty, but I do agree with one thing I believe Joss shows through Angel's and Spike's stories: guilty self-loathing makes a rotten moral compass.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-15 02:00 am (UTC)I don't want to be afraid to talk about the subject openly (although in fact there's a lot about Buffy and Spike I'm afraid to talk about openly); but I'm not interested in getting into a war about it, either. I think both opinions are equally true and valid because each is saying "this is what interests me", and canon is so loose in that regard. In any case, it's not a "thing" for me so much. Perhaps someday it will be, but I'm very Buffy-centric, and there's a lot of other ground to cover.
guilty self-loathing makes a rotten moral compass.
100% agreement - and we see that in Buffy, Willow and Xander as well. And even Giles - although he's a character who never quite integrates his Shadow Self, or dare the journey that Buffy, Willow, Faith and Spike take. Ergo the disconnect (on a metaphorical level) with Buffy in S7.
no subject
Date: 2012-11-26 08:43 pm (UTC)FYI I was actually thinking of our convo this morning - and ended up writing two pages of ideas for meta-stuff (thank you!) and I have more ideas about Spike's motivation in FFL but I think I'll save them for the meta on Buffy's dopplegangers because the ideas will fit beautifully there, but I hadn't put the two together until we starting chatting. Namely - does Spike on some level think that by putting the idea out there, planting the seed of the Slayer's death wish, in Buffy's head, he's hoping that on some level she will embrace death - embrace death, and he'll have an opportunity to turn her, knowing that she would never become his lover otherwise? (I know, not logical - but it connects to "You belong in the dark with me.")
no subject
Date: 2012-12-01 06:47 pm (UTC)Hi jumping in late but I had thoughts!
I think Spike genuinely believes Buffy's different. The reason why is because she becomes a person to him in ways the other Slayers never do. She's a subject where all the other Slayers are reduced to objects. They're Slayers to him, she's Buffy and the Slayer.
And that's the crux of Buffy's narrative. She reclaims her individuality despite the two roles threatening to swallow her up in an empty archetype -- the blonde bubblegum cheerleader and the weapon that is the Slayer. She fills both these roles with her humanity, she defeats the flatness of what these narratives would reduce her into becoming. And it's interesting to consider how her resistance is also made possible by how the narratives fight each other -- and within that conflict, she finds herself. The dissonance helps her break free.