Icon Meme from Lokifan & Kikimay (In which my efforts to be frivolous don't turn out as planned)

[red_satin_doll]

I've never done a fandom "meme" before but kikimay picked up one from lokifan  that I couldn't resist:

Comment on this post with CONVERSE. I will choose seven (five if you prefer) userpics from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are using them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so others can play along.

FYI: The first sentence means that you reply by typing that word "converse" and then I choose 5-7 of your icons, which you get to explain in the comments thread. (For examples see lokifan's meme post - and yes, I had to ask how this worked.)

I tend to use icons in three ways: 1) to express mood, 2) to "pay tribute" to my favorite characters or episodes; Buffy is my favorite fictional character, hence she's my primary avatar; or 3) because the icon is artistic/aesthetically pleasing. I try to chose or make ones that I haven't seen elsewhere, or are overused images. Kikimay chose the following five from my own:

1) Laughing Dead Things:  One of the first BtVS icons I made; I wish I'd done a better job with it.. Most of my Buffy icons when Ifirst started my journal were very serious. I wanted something with Buffy laughing or smiling but also unique. Leave Me the White has screencaps from the outtakes or dailies of Dead Things, and the shot of Sarah breaking into laughter while trying to film the dream sequence is adorable. There are few things sexier than laughter. I also love the ironic contrast between that shot and the tone of the episode.

Full Disclosure: When I got internet service in my new apartment three weeks ago, I mulled over which Buffy episode to rewatch first. Something light and funny, perhaps, Life Serial, or....Oh who the hell was I kidding? It came down to two of my favorite episodes: "Who are You"and "Dead Things"; DT won by a hairsbreadth. The raw power of those two episodes, the way they parallel, bookend, and resonate with each other, including the similarity of the Buffy/Faith/Spike dynamics in each, the key role Tara plays in both eps, the literal or symbolic "identity hijacks", and the fact that WAY (and TYG) foreshadows S6 - is like nothing else I've ever seen on television. Frivolity, thy name is...not RedSatinDoll.

2) Tara does not approve: The official name for this one in my head is "Tara is not down with this shit." It shouldn't surprise you that Tara is the second most-frequent character in my icons.  (If it does: Welcome! Have a cookie and make yourself at home.) I found this one on www.fanpop.com by "Laurik 2007" ; it was one of the first icons I grabbed when I was setting up this journal. I needed an icon that expressed "strong disapproval" as opposed to "seething rage"; this image is strong and simple. It's also my reminder that Tara was more than just a "saint"; the fact that it's the scene in Tough Love just seconds before Glory attacks her gives it an unsettling quality as well.

AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT: Can we agree that Tara enduring torture at Glory's hands almost silently, sacrificing her life, her mind, to protect Dawn is one of THE most horrifying moments in the entire series? Dawn and Buffy protected Tara in "Family" and here Tara returns the favor many times over. That is true courage, full stop. Why isn't she more frequently honored and celebrated in fandom for this?

  3) Chosen One purple: valyssia made this icon and gave me permission to use; it's been my default icon ever since. I had to have it the moment I clapped eyes on it: love at first sight. Purple is one of my favorite colors, Buffy is my favorite character, I love the late seasons; but none of those would be sufficient of themselves. This is one of the most exquisite and artistic icons I've ever seen in every respect. valyssia is as talented a visual artist as she is a writer, and this icon is a masterpiece of the form.

4) Winged!Buffy: Like Chosen One purple, this doesn't express an emotion per se except my love of Buffy, beautiful fanart, and my gratitude for a delightful gift from a beloved friend. I've talked about this one previously, but long story short: comlodge made me the Winged!Buffy image as a gift, inspired by brutti_ma_buoni 's fic "The One With Wings" .  I made it the image on my "welcome" post, and then with her permission created an icon of it, lightening the colors slightly in the spirit of Bottecelli's Primavera (Spring).

5) Dawn and Buffy: One of my favorite icons of those I've made. I love the Summers sisters, and had high hopes for plenty of interaction between them in S7. That didn't pan out but Him is one of the episodes that gave me hope - it's basically about the two of them, and the scene at the Bronze is one of my favorites. The argument feels so real of an older/younger sister dynamic, and I thought Dawn was going to slap Buffy when she mentioned Joyce. The scene just hurts and I hurt for both of them.

A few months back I made several Buffy & Dawn icons inspired by my love for them but also by kwritten's amazing meta series on Dawn and subsquent conversations. I originally was going to offer this out to everyone in an "icon dump" but loved it so much I decided to keep it. I love the contrast of Dawn in the foreground but out of focus, furious; Buffy in the background but in focus, obviously frustrated with herself and the situation. It makes a nice pairing with a couple of other icons I've done of them from Bargaining. with the focus reversed:

Bonus (i.e. cheat): I'm using one of my other favorites of the ones I've made here, Buffy & Tara Bargaining. I wanted a Buffy & Tara friendship icon and this was the first image where I got both of them together and got the image to my liking.

Comments

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Some of the best pieces of fiction I have ever read, BAR NONE, have been "fanfiction." It doesn't deserve to be looked down upon because it's not "published" (no we can't make money off of it, but fun and creativity and imagination are essential to us a human beings and we all have those things within us. Again I say - a pox on your English teacher; but maybe the same thing was said to him when he was young. We pass on the best and, sadly, the worst of ourselves.)

Have you ever read Michael Cunningham's novel "the Hours"? (The movie version was one of my favorite movies for years because it's the thing that actually got me writing again for the first time since college.) It's basically a fanfiction - a remake and tribute to "Mrs Dalloway". AND it got published and won awards and became a movie. Really, isn't most literature a form or "fanfiction" because everything we write is based on what we've seen, heard and read over the years?

Re: the partnered-up thing? Not all it's cracked up to be. We've been together 17 years, and as much as I love her, I've nearly left many times, certainly contemplated it; and I know for a fact that should the relationship end, I want to be alone for a long time. But you're not a 20-yr old girl, so that probably makes quite a difference. the anger toward and love for each are the same sides of a single coin; it's the most difficult work any of us can do. "In love" and the whole romantic jazz is nice, and usually temporary; it's what happens after that, in the moment you find yourself wondering for the first time "Who is this person and why am I with them?" that real love either begins or not.

The important thing is whether you're content or not - and it sounds like you're not? But never say never.

I don't know if I'm sweet (my partner probably has a different take on it) but thank you for the compliment! I do try to balance honesty and kindness - and sometimes get it wrong. It's a work in progress; but one of the best things I learned in college was what genuine constructive criticism is, the sort of thing that's useful to a writer instead of coming from an emotional knee-jerk reaction. Like any sort of writing, it's an art and a craft that has to be mastered by continual practice.

[debris4spike]

*g* - I see my parents who have celebrated 61 years of marriage ... and still want to strangle each other, but yet admit they don't know how they will cope if the other wasn't there. Ups & Downs.

Until really recently I was very happy and content with being me - and in some ways yes, it's great to be selfish enough to only have myself to answer to. Then I get to thinking that I have missed out on something in life ... but, whatever happens, life is for exploring, whether single or with someone else to share those discoveries with.

You tell your girl, yes, you are sweet and supportive! *hugs*

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

my parents who have celebrated 61 years of marriage ... and still want to strangle each other,

Thank you I feel much better now! *lol* Good to know it's not just us. (I grew up with extremely abusive stepfathers, so there was that reality of domestic violence, the tv/movie/hallmark card fantasy of romance - or the darker romeo and juliet variety: the "in between" version is something I have/had no template for. Maybe no one does?

Yes, ups and downs - I get so mad at her, she at me, but I remember exactly how it felt the first time she cried in my arms; the weight of her against my arm, the softness of her curly hair. Have you seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? It's one of my favorite movies for this reason - it's about the contradictory nature of love and how we can't imagine ourselves without that person in our lives, regardless of how long the relationship lasts.

That said, I often wish I had a little cabin to run to. I've said at times that if I had the money I'd live in a house or apartment next door to her; we could see each other all we wanted but still have separate spaces!

but, whatever happens, life is for exploring, whether single or with someone else to share those discoveries with.

OH exactly - and "it" tends to happen when you're not looking for it; when you're being fully yourself and doing things and going places that you love, I think.

[debris4spike]

I often wish I had a little cabin to run to I can remember my Mum saying years ago that she wished she had been born an orphan and lived as a hermit on a desert island! She loved, and was loved by her parents ... so I can certainly relate to her in that occasionally!

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

She loved, and was loved by her parents ... so I can certainly relate to her in that occasionally!

My (former) therapist once shared Holocost survivor, author and activist Elie Wiesel's quote with me:
“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”

She actually only repeated the first sentence (love/hate); but that by itself is a brilliant observation and one that is so, so very true; because I've often found myself despairing "Why are we this way with one another?" (then again I also love the Carpenter's song "Hurting Each Other" for the same reason, the truthfulness of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqkVNHwJfKc)