Everybody Loves Links

[red_satin_doll]

ETA: MORE PRETTY PICTURES!  I'm incorrigible. Sue me.

*** infinitewhale has posted a short but provocative meta about Buffy's dream in "Dead Things" and her own self-identification within the dream, briefly touching on the late-season Buffy & Willow parallels, and how Tara protects both women in OAFA. Hits my (bitter)sweet spot on about nine different levels. He was worried no one would want to read it, or that he couldn't write about the subject properly as a man. To which I say - nonsense, on both counts. If this fandom has reminded me of anything, it's that our shared humanity trumps gender differences unless we allow those differences to stand in our way.  Also, meta like his allows me to talk about subjects of great interest to me, while still preserving my commitment to focus on the ladies here on my journal. (I'm sneaky that way.) ETA: rebcake informed me this meta is f'locked. Oops. Sorry. Ask nicely to friend him and don't please embarrass me, kids (because I can manage that on my own just fine, thank you.)

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*** fray_adjacent12 was inspired by recent conversations between myself and kikimay re: the Summers sisters and the women of the 'verse, to create a new set of female-centric icons, including the scene from "Family" that I've grabbed, lots of lovely Tara-centric icons, Dawn, Faith, Buffy in S7. kikimay confessed that the phrase "not in blood but in bond" comes from Thor/Loki movie fandom. a track by composer Hans Zimmerman for the Sherlock Holmes movie soundtrack. (Ugh) Too late, kiddo, it belongs to OUR fandom now. The Buffyverse's chosen families rule everything.

Off-topic but I feel like saying it anyway: Amber is such a gorgeous woman, isn't she? Every time I watch her in the show I think it's too bad no one in the costume department knew what to do with the body of a goddess, damn it.  (There, I said it.)

Fray has also posted her very first poll (yay!) in the service of Buffyverse evangelism: "If you were trying to introduce someone to BtVS and only had 2-3 episodes to show them, what would you choose?" Personally, I went with option #1 - start with WTTH and proceed chronologically. Not that I'd try to influence your answer or anything.

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*** Speaking of Tara, polls, and OAFA (yes, I did; weren't you paying attention?) mcjulie posted her OAFA episode poll.  Two things to keep in mind: Tara, in all her gentle AND badass glory, and...Clem! Everybody in fandom loves Clem! Love the comics, hate the comics, early-seasons fan, late-seasons lover, what-have-you: he's the one thing in the 'verse that we can all happily agree upon. World peace is at hand. You're welcome.

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*** eilowyn is wondering if anyone would be interested in a meta she's working on re: Buffy and trauma. I say HELL YES - but that's just me. The post is f'locked btw but if you're not friends with her ask nicely, because she's worth getting to know.

Comments

Forgot to add this part...

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

I kinda don't buy the all-angsty childhood for that reason:

But Family is very very clear that she had a very strict, controlling and rigid father, in a region/family in which rigid and old-fashioned gender and familial roles were upheld. I don't recall if religion is mentioned but they read as "southern fundamentalists" or somesuch thing. (Damn you Joss and your outdated southern "redneck" stereotypes. There are plenty of "rednecks" in the north, let me tell you.)

So yes, angsty - I think that's as clear even if there wasn't any physical abuse, there was definitely shaming - Tara learned to be ashamed of herself, of something at her core that couldn't be fixed. Buffy, Faith, all the SG have something of the same. Shame about who they are, not what they've done, something that can't be fixed.

because Tara is also strong at her core. Because of her mother? Because of other people influences? I feel like she knew pain but also love and goodness.

But it's not either/or. Buffy and Tara both have loving mothers who are their emotional source, the women who teach their daughters how to love. But they aren't perfect: Joyce's anger at Giles and Buffy's slayerhood is mostly swallowed down, only to pop back up when under the influence of alchohol/drugs or a spell (gingerbread), or misdirected (Dead Man's Party). Tara's mother never leaves the situation she's in, never takes her daughter away from it, and is only able to leave by dying. There are probably reasons - economics, sickness, her training that you have to "stand by your man" etc. But she gives tara the strength to leave.

So they're flawed but loving women who model love to their daughters however imperfectly, and that's something that links Buffy and Tara, and why it seems appropriate that Buffy & Dawn name Tara "family" and Tara returns the favor on several levels, becoming close to both of them.

I think I identify with both of them on that level because I had a very angsty childhood - I know you've read my Ted meta - but also a very loving mother for all her flaws. We endured years of physical and emotional abuse but I'm not afraid to touch, to hug, to be emotionally intimate with someone because I had that foundation from my mom.

Re: Forgot to add this part...

[kikimay]

I think I identify with both of them on that level because I had a very angsty childhood - I know you've read my Ted meta - but also a very loving mother for all her flaws. We endured years of physical and emotional abuse but I'm not afraid to touch, to hug, to be emotionally intimate with someone because I had that foundation from my mom.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant when I wrote not *all* angsty. There was a positive even if flawed role model. A source of love and compassion in all that chaos and despair and that is very, very important especially for a kid. And, yes, I think that Tara's childhood is extremely tragic because of her family but she took pleasure and a definition of love from her mother. Imagine Tara without that. I don't think she would have been strong to the core on the same level. Take Willow for example: her parents aren't abusive but they are both negative examples. And, of course, I'm not saying in anyway that Willow's childhood was more angsty than Tara. I just mean that she didn't have a positive role model to look foward to and that's why Buffy is so important in her life.


I think I understand what you're getting at, could you explain a bit more? It's complicated because of problems with censorship restrictions at the time, so the show has to play it close to the vest.

I really can't explain it rationally. I feel like it's about instinct and also knowing a person and building mutual trust. Of course, there's the sexual component and the irrational component - I feel like you're special. But you just meet me. Shhh, I feel it. - But we see Tara and Willow talking a lot and getting closer as they explore their common interests and passions. (And okay, spells mean sex but for a moment imagine that spells mean "interests in common") So there is something other that just attraction, it's really about getting along and sharing similar opinions/interests. So they build this safe space for them. And, of course, there are flaws but I guess it's understandable.


I kind of liked Willow's outfits in S4 but apparently that's a minority view?

I also liked her S4 outfits. She was somehow eccentric and very ironic - the funny shirts! - but she was comfortable and cute. Plus great haircut.

Re: Forgot to add this part...

[red-satin-doll.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's exactly what I meant when I wrote not *all* angsty. There was a positive even if flawed role model. A source of love and compassion in all that chaos and despair and that is very, very important especially for a kid

Oh yes, I understand what you mean now. the opposite of that of course is that there are murderers and psychopaths who had two perfectly loving parents and a stable home. (You buy your ticket, you take your chances.)

Take Willow for example: her parents aren't abusive but they are both negative examples. And, of course, I'm not saying in anyway that Willow's childhood was more angsty than Tara. I just mean that she didn't have a positive role model to look foward to and that's why Buffy is so important in her life.

THIS. Exactly this. Neglect is also a form of (passive) abuse, and dysfunctional families come in all price ranges. And I think you're absolutely right about Buffy's importance: she sees Willow, notices her as a person, not a member of a demographic group or an abstraction as Sheila Rosenberg does; Willow's growing confidence in herself is mostly because of her role in the Scooby gang, because of the value and status that gives her as well as Buffy's friendship and intimacy. It sure as hell doesn't come from Xander!

And okay, spells mean sex but for a moment imagine that spells mean "interests in common"

Holy roman fuck you just blew my mind with that. that's a brilliant interpretation.

So there is something other that just attraction, it's really about getting along and sharing similar opinions/interests. So they build this safe space for them.

Oh yes, that's one of the things one does going into a relationship - explore common interests, have long conversations etc. but it's also accompanied by handwaving away or ignoring things that will become a problem later; or being drawn to certain qualities about them that become irritating over time. Again, it's not either/or in terms of attraction vs commonalities.

For instance, it's very complicated with Willow and Tara - each one would probably like to be mothered (loved) by the other, each one is looking to the other to do the mothering (getting needs met that hadn't been in childhood.) Willow probably loves tara's earth-mother qualities, her softness and nurturing - something Sheila didn't have - but OTOH, now that Willow's begun to claim greater status for herself, she's not about to become the "bottom" in the relationship, the submissive one as she was with her mother. Whether she's aware of it or not - and I doubt that she is consciously - her template for adult womanhood is her mother, a dominating personality.

Conversely, Willow is capable of great, motherly tenderness, esp after Tara is tortured by Glory in TL; and Tara doesn't really want to be submissive the way she was with her father again. But she can also be rigid and dogmatic in her thinking the way her father was. (Someone else in fandom pointed this out to me so it's not original to me.) Her ideas that you shouldn't try to raise the dead because it violates tradition, for example, is much like her families' conservative "things are done this way because they've always been done this way." Part of growing up and maturing is figuring out what we believe - NOT because our parents told us to think a certain way but because we've reasoned it out and experienced for ourselves why certain things are right or wrong; we have to develop our own ethical reasoning.

It really is a fascinating dynamic that deserves closer attention than I think it generally gets.

I also liked her S4 outfits. She was somehow eccentric and very ironic - the funny shirts! - but she was comfortable and cute. Plus great haircut.

I was looking at some screencaps from Hush and holy cats was she cute in that episode.