![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
red_satin_dollTake a Moment: by
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
lanoyee. Gen, Buffy, Tara, Dawn. A "deleted scene" , post-"Grave"; Buffy bids a friend good-bye. Spare, elegant and melancholy, it's a scene I wish had been in the show. One of the things I love best about BtVS is how unsentimental it is generally, but sometimes, what I want and what I need are one and the same; no one else can determine that for me. This story gives me both, and it honors one of the most overlooked friendships in the Buffyerse: Buffy and Tara.
lanoyee recently began transferring some of her female-centric & Buffy-centric meta from her tumblr to her LJ "Take a Moment" was written shortly after a conversation
lanoyee & I had about Buffy & Tara in particular, i.e. Why doesn't anyone talk about their relationship? About Tara's role in Buffy's story? Because it's not something I need to fanwank out of thin air, or squint to see: It's right there onscreen; they have a connection to one another that Buffy never shares with Anya, or at least until "Selfless" brings the "Xander's Lie" arc full circle. pocochina thankfully mentions their connection in her 2011 meta character study of Tara, summing it up in quick, vivid strokes in just two paragraphs.I'd call Buffy & Tara my OTF (one true friendship) except that's bullshit: aside from Buffy being my favorite character in the 'verse (and possibly in fiction, period) when it comes to this show, I may prefer certain things but I don't "OT_" anything. But FUFAW (Favorite Underappreciated Friendship Among Women) is pretty unwieldy, and sound like either a disease or something two cats would do in an alley.
Tara may not get a lot of time on the show, and she and Buffy rarely interact directly but she plays a key or essential role in some of the best episodes of the series, and when she does, she not only sings, she soars: "Hush", which both mirrors and flips Buffy and Willow's first encounters in "WTTH"; "Who are You", in which she is the only character to realize that Faith isn't really Buffy, and she's never even met Buffy before; "Restless", as a dream guide to Buffy her connection to Dawn, as a sister, becomes explicit; "Family" begins with Buffy verbally committing to protect Dawn from Glory after learning that Dawn isn't "real", and ends with Buffy and Dawn protecting Tara from the Maclays and naming her as one of their own: "Who do you think you are?" / "We're family." (I recently rewatched that episode waiting for a conversation between Buffy and Tara at the end at Tara's birthday party, and was shocked to realize it wasn't in the episode at all, but rather from
snowpuppies's fic "Here Comes the Sun" )Speaking the words: "family" "sisters" "Summers blood" makes the commitment as physical and as real as mixing her own blood with Dawn's in BT.
Not in blood alone, but in bond.
The relationships between the women of the Buffyverse aren't an afterthought, something set to the side, they are absolutely central to it; and unlike most tv and movies shows I grew up with, the women of the Buffyverse don't relate only to the men, who in contrast enjoy rich friendships with one another. (Remember the popularity of the "buddy movie" esp in the 1980's?) That, for me, is one of the strengths of the Buffyverse. The women matter, and they matter to one another, as literal and metaphorical mothers, sisters, daughters, rivals, friends, and allies. They love, and choose to love, even when it's painful and difficult to do so.
And this may be behind my frustration or impatience with Angel, Riley and Giles. Yes, they have to leave, yes I get it, blah blah bitty blah. They can't stand the "fire" of love, so they get out of the kitchen, out of "women's space" literally and figuratively. I could devote an entire meta just to "Joyce's kitchen" as symbol of the Mother Principal, of Mater. The room where Buffy fights to protect Joyce in "Angel" and "Ted", where they have their worst fight in "Becoming Pt 2", where Joyce reaffirms her admiration and pride in Buffy in "Helpless", is also the room we associate with Tara's pancakes, and Spike fights for Buffy in "Touched". (The Mother Principle is not about literal gender.) It means something. They "chose" Mater and reaffirm the importance of love - raw, real, and messy love in all it's aspects, not the illusion of "romance". They bear witness to one another: you're important. You matter. I love you. I believe in you. Yes you fucked up, but you can do better next time. I understand you - or maybe I don't, but I can offer you comfort.
It's why we don't see Angel and Riley in the final battle in "Chosen" nor should we. It's why Giles absolutely has to "bend his knee" to the Warrior of the People, the Queen - and thank the stars that she is a benevolent one - if he expects to stand next to Buffy at the end. Or rather, behind her, in the final scene.
And it's one reason - of many - why Tara's absence in "Chosen" hurts so deeply; she earned the right to be there. Not as Willow's lover, not as a "perfect, faultless human being" (which she isn't, despite the tendency to canonize her as saint), and not even as Buffy's friend but as a powerful woman in her own right.
If I don't go into the politics overmuch here it's because I have a LOT more to say on the subject and am saving it for the moment; but also because it's dominated the discussion re: Tara for over ten years. Rage or silence and little in between the two. If I focus on her death, then I fail to celebrate her life, and it's worth celebrating. Her very existence as the first three-dimensional lesbian character in a realistic lesbian relationship is worth celebrating. And deserves a much better legacy than shameful silence and lack of any such characters that still exists - or rather, doesn't exist - in US television ten years later.
As long as we share her story she'll never lack for mourners and lovers, but if we fail to do so then she "dies", utterly and completely.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2013-06-18 09:37 pm (UTC)I actually felt bad because I was so extravagent in my praise of
your choice of screencaps is PERSONALLY OFFENSIVE TO ME. >( By which I actually mean they're wonderful, but so very, very heartbreaking.
*sigh of relief* At first I started freaking out that I had offended you. I've been meaning to use some of those for a post of mother-daughter images (mostly Buffy&Joyce) over the seasons, but they seemed right here. I wanted to visually emphasize Joyce somehow. It's probably a good thing that I didn't use this one, right?
I had things like Astrid Lindgren and Fantaghiró and such.
I don't know if it's my fantasy or reality that they get it right in Europe more often in terms of diversity of women, including mature women onscreen? I know when my partner and I want to see mature women in a movie, we generally turn to "foreign films".
Points to Kikimay!
Yes, a gold star and cookies. She gets it right so often.
Love can be an emotion, but it can also be a deliberate act.
EXACTLY. Isn't that the POINT of the series? Buffy goes to her death twice not just as an act of duty but an act of LOVE. Love expressed through service, as
/dangles cookies
I need as much of this sort of enabling (ie kick in the pants) as I can get.
Ah, but what you already have is so great! Put like that, the Mother Principle is indeed at the heart of the show, and it is the most valuable thing to attain and practice. It trumps violence and aggression and competition. It is also the bravest thing you can do.
YES. This is it, everything I was trying to say in two sentences. Exactly this.
no subject
Date: 2013-06-19 06:19 pm (UTC)I feel so warm and fuzzy about it, really! I'm just unused to being anything but a lurker. ♥
*sigh of relief* At first I started freaking out that I had offended you.
Ahh, I'm sorry about that! Yeah, I may sometimes make jokes like that. I'll avoid it in the future, but if I do end up doing it -- let's say all caps and smileys are a pretty good indicator I'm kidding? Sorry for scaring you. /hugs
It's probably a good thing that I didn't use this one, right?
Yes. Yes, very good. Oh, how it burns. Oh, how everyone is sad.
I don't know if it's my fantasy or reality that they get it right in Europe more often in terms of diversity of women, including mature women onscreen? I know when my partner and I want to see mature women in a movie, we generally turn to "foreign films".
Huh, that's interesting. I'm not sure I can speak about mature women, specifically -- the examples I listed are children's media and about children or young women.
EXACTLY. Isn't that the POINT of the series? Buffy goes to her death twice not just as an act of duty but an act of LOVE. Love expressed through service, as angearia expressed it beautifully years ago.
Yes! That's a thought I've seen expressed often -- that action, and acts of service to others is just how Buffy does love. She's not very verbal about it.
And this is something I find very interesting about the fact that Buffy is a woman in a role that is, in many ways, traditionally and most often a male one -- in that the fact that she is a woman, a person usually expected to be emotional and emotionally open, serves to starkly set off just what that kind of life does to a person. I feel when male characters act standoffish and emotionless, it's much less noticeable because, well, that's how we expect them to act. And thus it's easy to overlook that this kind of life full of traumatic event after traumatic event affects and shapes them just as well. Which is kinda sad, but uhh. Here I'll show my personal bias, but I'm not personally interested in more stories about dude heroes and their manpain. :P
I need as much of this sort of enabling (ie kick in the pants) as I can get.
/adds brownies
no subject
Date: 2013-06-28 08:21 pm (UTC)*lol* I'm glad you came out I'm always happy to chat with you! BTW, I really thought I had already replied to this. Oh well - this is why my inbox is so full.
I'll avoid it in the future, but if I do end up doing it -- let's say all caps and smileys are a pretty good indicator I'm kidding? Sorry for scaring you. /hugs
Oh no, please don't! I have a very dry and ironic (read: sarcastic) sense of humor myself, so I should remember to read the entire damn reply before I react. Because I don't want you to "hold back" on that. *hugs back*
that action, and acts of service to others is just how Buffy does love. She's not very verbal about it.
Did I link to these metas already? Best EVAH
http://gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com/272405.html
http://gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com/273029.html
in that the fact that she is a woman, a person usually expected to be emotional and emotionally open, serves to starkly set off just what that kind of life does to a person. I feel when male characters act standoffish and emotionless, it's much less noticeable because, well, that's how we expect them to act.
YES, SO MUCH TO THIS. And conversely, when women are warm and caring (and take on all the responsibilities for childcare etc) it's expected; a father watches his kids and it's called "babysittiing". And Buffy gets it from both directions, as do a lot of single moms IMO. Or the Tara in Tough Love vs Spike in Intervention comparison.
Here I'll show my personal bias, but I'm not personally interested in more stories about dude heroes and their manpain. :P
I've been told several times that I "Must" watch AtS, and I'm just not interested. I've grown up my whole life with male-centric stories.
/adds brownies
*Accepts brownies and runs away*