Squee for Thee, Not Me

[red_satin_doll]

So yesterday I posted about the Absence of Light Awards,  and gave a special shout-out to "Le Petit Mort"  by   snogged . Then I remembered to check out the No Rest For The Wicked Awards  winners list and the first thing that caught my eye:  "Le Petit Mort" won for Best Drabble. Well, of course it did. (And I really don't mean to play favorites, btw, because both AoL and Wicked had so many wonderful entries this year it makes my head hurt trying to keep up with them all.)

Unlike AoL, the Wicked nominee and winners lists include a lot of names I'm not familiar with, in part because it awards works in multiple fandoms, but I do see some friends on the winners list in the fiction categories:  velvetwhip  (Gabrielle), snowpuppies , secondalto,  valyssia,  and pickamix.  Congratulations to all of you, dears!  And special congratulations to the winners in the Meta Category (Not Fade Away):


The winner, "And When the Sky was Opened"  by eleusis_walks is the first (only?) in-depth fandom examination of Cordelia Chase's character arc I've come across, and was completely new to me before this round of awards. (How many metas about Queen C have you read before?  Exactly.)  The runners-up were two of my favorite, absolutely essential metas about the Buffyverse: "Rules of Engagement: Violence and Hyperreality in the Buffyverse"  by lostboy_lj , and "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer vs Buffy the Vampire Slayer"  by beer_good_foamy .


All the nominees were fantastic but these choices feel particularly right - any one of them could have been "first place", so to me it feels like a three-way tie, in terms of quality. I cannot recommend any of them highly enough - and if you've chatted with me for more than five minutes you've probably seen me link to lostboy's and beer_good_foamy's metas and said "Yes, THIS."  They've helped shaped, define and deepen my understanding and enjoyment of the Buffyverse, of Buffy Summer's story AND they've both got wit and style to spare.  (Smarts plus humor = that guy or gal you used to date in college and sort of regret now that you let them get away.  Or maybe you don't but you had a damn fine time while it lasted.)

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Now here's where I'm going to be a bit whing-y and indulgent if you'll bear with me: My own "Dopplegangers (Xander)" meta was in the running in this category, and I knew perfectly well that I was not going to win because the competition was formidable.  (Full disclosure: I nominated several of my competitors, because my meta was the only nominee at the time and who the hell wants that?  That's not a contest. Ironically, "And When the Sky was Opened" was one of the few I didn't nominate, which means - there are other people out there reading meta! So it's all good.)  But that didn't stop a teensy little part of my heart from wanting to win.

Brain: "You're not going to win, your meta is really rough and sloppy compared to these others, no way you're in the same category. Don't even think about it, kiddo."
Heart: "I know, I know, of course you're right. But I can't stop hoping just a teensy bit - what? No I'm not crossing my fingers honest I'm not."

Now here's the funny thing - and yes, I've got a point here somewhere - my fic "Untitled" has been nominated in two awards, won two "silver medals", basically, and I have no idea who nominated it, who voted for it, or why it got nominated in the first place.  And I mean that - none. I read the other stories I was competing against and was certain who was going to win; and it wasn't going to be me. It's like pennies from Heaven falling into my lap that I didn't expect and don't understand but, gee, I'll take it anyway and thank you. But the meta category? Of course I knew I wasn't going to win that.

Why the disconnect?  Because I think I'm as adept at judging the quality of fiction as nonfiction, at least in terms of other people's work.  Is it because I consider myself primarily a nonfiction writer as opposed to fiction?  Am I not as good of a judge of fiction as I think I am?  Could the fact that most of my reading at home (on the bookshelf) is nonfiction skew my judgement? Am I just overthinking the whole damn thing?

In any case, I'm going to get cracking this year because I already have my sights on the next round of Wicked meta awards.  Which is probably a huge, huge mistake - pride goeth before the fall and all that jazz. But I plan to have a damn fine time of it anyway.