I think what a lot of people (like me) find so distasteful about shipper wars is that the biggest are between to het relationships, with a girl oscillating from ship to ship. The big shipper wars - BAngel/Spuffy and DElena/StElena - that I am familiar with are like this: they take the main female and create a scenario in which the fandom conversation isn't "wow what an interesting female character" but instead becomes: "so which guy do YOU think is better?"

Shipper wars are about the guy and dressed up to be about the actual awesome woman in the middle*.


*the one exception to this rule (that I've seen) has been either in the case of M/M vs. CANON M/F (which is troubling) or in the case of Lost Girl, which has a bisexual protagonist.

I don't have any problem with shippers. I love them I think they are cute.

I have A GIANT PROBLEM with fandom IGNORING female characters for the sake of "which GUY is BETTER" debates that are completely pointless.

Angel and Spike are BOTH pretty terrible people in their own ways.
Stefan and Damon are EQUALLY gross in their behavior towards Elena and the Universe.
Mason and Lauren are BOTH co-dependent and neither present a very good relationship alternative to Bo.

The shipper wars neglect actual character development aside from het (or m/m) pairings and RARELY take into consideration the Female's place and desires. The conversation very often comes down to a shouting match about which guy is more deserving... and that's just so frustrating to watch.

I think your thoughts about shipping being a part of one's identity are beautiful.

But as a deconstructionist myself, I'd also really like fandom to start questioning WHY there is a division between Spuffy and Bangel fans, instead of holding so tightly to that division. Right now, it's not creating a positive fandom experience.

And quite frankly, these dialogue ignore the female character at the apex of them, while decrying that everything is about her.

Bangel vs. Spuffy is about Angel vs. Spike

And quite frankly, I don't care. I care about Buffy. I care about Elena. And Bo and Allison and Lydia and Zoe and Lemon and all the ladies.

It's really difficult to create a positive feminist space when the dialogue is so OVERLY concerned with which guy our ladies are boning.

Ship what you like. ID yourself how you like...

... but I'm still wondering why the crowning definition in fandom isn't "Buffy stan" it's "Spuffy shipper" ... because I'd prefer a space where the former exceeds the latter.