(I really think that we should respect celebrities' privacy)

Sure - except when they use their own private life as PR to hawk their projects. But we're not talking about helicopters flying over a private event or peeping in the bushes anyway. This is about the line between privacy and "secrecy", which implies something shameful, that must be hidden away. We still treat people - and relationships - differently based on orientation.

the fact that ellen has to "come out", that the concept still exists at all, says a lot. there's still a lot in invested in actors and celebrities to hide who they are.

The only way to fight it is to keep saying it, keep speaking out, keep demanding legal and social parity until the idea of "coming out" no longer even exists.

Also we can mix things much more easily these days: a woman can cut her hair really short and still look very feminine.

Oh yeah, definitely. We can wear masculine things because masculinity is the preferred mode of being; it's ok to have masculine trappings but not be too masculine (butch). OTOH men wearing make-up, skirts, etc is still a big no-no because feminity still carries the taint of being shameful or "less than". I love mixing it up myself but if I were a man it would be almost impossible except in private (secret).