I think this is actually a trait of many women in general. I think it is the result of living in a patriarchal society, dealing with men under their rules.
It's definitely a pattern I learned watching my mom while growing up. the irony of course is that she is a very strong woman, but in fact so are a lot of abused and oppressed women (people.) strength through endurance and sheer survival. And she learned it growing up and so forth.
I used to tell myself I'd "never do that" but then - did just that. In my case the irony is that my partner is another woman. She doesn't mean to, but she's an immovable force. I'm not going to change that. but I regret how often I've "given in" because it feels like giving up pieces of myself over time. (It's one of the reasons that I don't hate W/T that way a lot of people do, even though I hate Willow's actions that season - or at least, the fact that women do hurt other women, that lesbians do abuse their partners, is something that resonates with me as being very real and true to life. It's the "dirty little secret".)
But my partner learned her behavior as another method of survival - she was once the one who yielded to an older partner when she was young. She learned it from her parents but also as a single woman who had to survive in the '70's & '80's being the only woman in many job settings: carpentry, auto repair, etc.
We women, frequently, have to resort to manipulative methods
Confession: I have on a couple of occasions resorted to tears to get my way or more often to extract sympathy and end an argument. Granted I cry easily anyway, but then I always feel awful about it afterwards. I'm supposed to be a feminist, I'm NOT supposed to behave that way. Ugh
We hopefully change and grow as we age, making big and little mistakes along the way and hopefully finding one or two true friends to stay the journey with us.
That's all we can hope for isn't it?
Mulberries - the first time I had them was in North Carolina from someone's tree 15 years ago - big, fat, and juicy. Our tree only yields pathetic scrawny things but the tree is rather wild anyway (and this summer was horrible.) the best ones in the neighborhood are on the trees that line the road so I wouldn't dare eat them thanks to car exhaust.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2013-08-05 12:27 am (UTC)It's definitely a pattern I learned watching my mom while growing up. the irony of course is that she is a very strong woman, but in fact so are a lot of abused and oppressed women (people.) strength through endurance and sheer survival. And she learned it growing up and so forth.
I used to tell myself I'd "never do that" but then - did just that. In my case the irony is that my partner is another woman. She doesn't mean to, but she's an immovable force. I'm not going to change that. but I regret how often I've "given in" because it feels like giving up pieces of myself over time. (It's one of the reasons that I don't hate W/T that way a lot of people do, even though I hate Willow's actions that season - or at least, the fact that women do hurt other women, that lesbians do abuse their partners, is something that resonates with me as being very real and true to life. It's the "dirty little secret".)
But my partner learned her behavior as another method of survival - she was once the one who yielded to an older partner when she was young. She learned it from her parents but also as a single woman who had to survive in the '70's & '80's being the only woman in many job settings: carpentry, auto repair, etc.
We women, frequently, have to resort to manipulative methods
Confession: I have on a couple of occasions resorted to tears to get my way or more often to extract sympathy and end an argument. Granted I cry easily anyway, but then I always feel awful about it afterwards. I'm supposed to be a feminist, I'm NOT supposed to behave that way. Ugh
We hopefully change and grow as we age, making big and little mistakes along the way and hopefully finding one or two true friends to stay the journey with us.
That's all we can hope for isn't it?
Mulberries - the first time I had them was in North Carolina from someone's tree 15 years ago - big, fat, and juicy. Our tree only yields pathetic scrawny things but the tree is rather wild anyway (and this summer was horrible.) the best ones in the neighborhood are on the trees that line the road so I wouldn't dare eat them thanks to car exhaust.