I'd be interested if you ever developed that further in a meta-post.

I'm not sure if I have enough to develop into a meta post, but maybe at some point. It's mostly based off of the idea that Spike could hurt demons like Clem, and would have in the past (See: his reaction to demonized Giles in A New Man), but chooses not to. And this, not killing demons like Clem, isn't something that Buffy cares about--at least, not the same way she cares about dead humans--so he's probably not refraining from killing demons to please her. Also, he pays his gambling debts :)

She actually endures a lot of shit when you look at it, and she's so funny, when she could have remained the one-dimensional bitch from the early seasons.

She's also the only vampire on either show who tries to do good without a soul, chip, or romantic obsession. Go Harmony!

ever_neutral made the same point in her S7 meta, and I think that's the point where I started to take another look at the character.

Do you happen to have a link to that meta? I maybe have read it, but I'm not sure.