red_satin_doll | STOP THE PRESSES HOLD THE PHONE AND THE HORSES

1) One of my dear friends gave me a paid account through 2016. (2016, y'all!) AND...

2) A second dear friend here in this fandom offered to extend my paid account and was ready to do so, AND...

3) Another beloved friend would if they could, AND....

I am really just stunned by the love and generosity of my friends here, I hardly know what to say except "THANK YOU." Thank you, thank you - and there WILL be polls, I swear! I will take advantage of that feature! (And I don't have to give up any of my userpics! *flings confetti*)

When I first got into this fandom a couple of years ago I wished that I was "part of the crowd", or that I'd been in fandom "back in the day" thinking I'd missed something. No. I'm right where I need to be when I need to be. It's not about being part of a "clique", it's about clicking with people because we like and respect and love one another. I'm really not sure how I've been lucky enough to find so many wonderful friends here - who are as "real" to me as any so-called "real life friends"; you ARE my friends, full stop.) But I'm ever so grateful to have found my way here.

I wish I could pay this forward to someone else and feel mortified that I'm unable to now. Especially for two of my lovely homegirls kikimay (who has a basic account and would like a paid account) and clockwork_hart1 (whose gift account will be expiring very soon.) Since I can't do myself, perhaps someone else can?

BTW clockwork_hart1 casually mentioned that she wanted to write a meta about the Gift/Chosen and why she prefers Chosen as the ending to Buffy's story - and then posted it today, "The Hardest Thing in this World is to Live in It.". She's passionate and articulate and right-on; and I just want to pump my fist in the air and shout "YES!" As she said to me one time "I don't want Buffy's legacy to be the hole she leaves in the ground." This meta also goes into why female martyrdom as a plot device is deeply problemmatic. Go read it.

I AM ALSO CRYING BECAUSE....

4) I finally read velvetwhip's fic "Soft and Pink and So Very Sad" and it's one of the loveliest things I've ever read. Mr Gordo, post-The Gift. Gabrielle rec'd it to me as one of her own favorites and I'm glad she did. She should be proud of it, it's a heartbreaker. Grief and confusion, the ways our identity is tied up in someone else, but also powerlessness - it's a theme that the show often touches upon but Gabrielle's story takes it to the limit. This is how absolute helplessness feels, in the person of a stuffed pink pig. So ok, maybe not such happy tears with that one but more it feels good to cry, knowhatimean? (Euclid approves as well - he thinks she got Mr Gordon's voice exactly right. He's quite particular about such things.)

It makes an oddly appropriate thematic pairing with beer_good_foamy's S6 fic "Building Character" . Yes, it does. Read them both, then think about it a moment...I'll wait...See what I mean?

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Sorry - I am meant to be ironing and making a bed, so my brain is feeling guilty.

No, I love Chosen (except for Spike's death ... but even that had it's good reasons). What I meant is that so much of those following 2 seasons were full of the angst of Buffy being pulled out of Heaven, Willow struggling with magic addiction, and her dark powers. Her lack of money, her relationship with Spike ... all were from her resurrection.

She died a hero - dying for her sister and the world ... I can understand why she hated feeling that she had to come back for more ...and the Belljoxa's Eye (?sp) telling her that it was her re-birth that had opened the door for the first evil must have worn away at her both at the time, and then after Chosen (I haven't read the comics at all)

Does that make sense?

Oh yes it does (and you're using my AL icon you devil you know I'll agree to anything *lol*)

all were from her resurrection.

Gotcha. I'm not happy with the way the show seemed to deal with her depression near the end of S6 "Buffy just needs to get over herself, pull herself up by her bootstraps and look after Dawn and oh by the way Giles was right." Um, no - she needs stability and an emotional and financial support system, a therapist and possibily meds.(And hugs and tea and cake and hot soup and daily naps.) waking up in her own coffin is one of the most horrifying things I've ever witnessed on tv, and then being so terribly alone afterwards. Joyce may not have been in the show much but her absence is so painfully felt (and this is where I cue up my rant about Giles. You know the tune, right?)

It brings up the issues of all the burdens Buffy bears and the weight of it (which is a metaphor for the burdens women bear generally in the world) but then retreats back in to the modern notion of "rugged individualism" perhaps without being aware of it. Am I making any sense here?

Although S7 actually reveals the lie behind that IMO esp in Selfless, CWDP, BoTN, EP - but then seems to reinforce it again.

and then after Chosen

The idea of the smile at the end is supposed to be that she's freed of the burden of being the ONE Girl in All the World (not that she necessarily has to give up slaying but that she has a choice now.) The direction Joss took the comics is - the exact opposite of that. There were so many interesting ways they could have gone.

(I haven't read the comics at all)

Every time I've tried I've given up - and needed to bleach my brain and my eyeballs. The Chain is said to be the only good thing about "season 8".

I don't consider them canon (Joss said he'd pitch the storyline of the comics out the window if he had a chance to do a Buffy reboot.) - friends don't let friends read the comics, not when they're so much good fanfiction about.

I liked early Giles ... but his attitude after Buffy's resurrection, despite knowing she had a house falling apart, no job, and Willow had just done another spell ... yet still he left.

He was her father and her watcher - that is when you stick by things .... not leave people to "grow up".

I know that smile was a positive end ... she had her life open, but I do wonder when all she had been though were crash back ... and then the sadness of season 6 would return, as she hadn't had the support at that time ???

Maybe you would like the comics for the fact that *spoiler* Angel snaps Giles' neck in S8. And then he comes back in the Angel and Faith and now the Buffy S10 title as a 12 year old. (Don't try to understand, you'll only be frustrated trust me.)

that is when you stick by things .... not leave people to "grow up".

Which makes me wonder about his upbringing - I think he only mentions his family once, very early in the series, and there's no sense of affection or warmth, only duty. And speaking of, whither thou Hank Summers? His child is "difficult" so he goes off and sucks his psychological thumb by abandoning her? Or what about Riley ("what about my needs?") Finn? I know some fans hate that pattern in the show but for me? Welcome to my world because that has been my experience.

One of the things that connects these to my mind is the fact that in each instance the men have the resources that allow them to walk away - income, home, a safety net. They have the ability to walk away even in the financial sense. Buffy doesn't. Men can walk away and it's accepted. A woman who "abandons" her duties or leaves her children, even for the best reasons and in the best care (knowing she can't etc) is seen as less-than at best or monstrous at worst.

but I do wonder when all she had been though were crash back ... and then the sadness of season 6 would return, as she hadn't had the support at that time ???

That is a really excellent point and the answer to that IMO is "yes of course" - at least until she's gotten a ton of therapy and time and space to work through her issues, to just breathe.(Why are there no Buffy in therapy post series fics? Unless it's Buffy grieving over Spike fics but what about the wider picture?)

I'm not sure if it would return to the same intensity, it would depend partly on her situation in life at the time. But the pattern is there. (I wonder about Hank - he deals with stress by abandoning his children and screaming at his wife; Joyce deals by a combination of silence, denial and alcohol (Dead Man's Party). Not really a picture of mental health, the Summers family.

It's part of my issue with As You Were and why the notion of Riley as the picture of mental health is such a laugh He's done absolutely zero to deal with his issues, went running back to the initiative and his old hero solider persona (and support system which was based on lies and deceptions to begin with), married Sam within a year of leaving Buffy, etc (velvetwhip covers this ground admirably in her fic "Civilian"). And yet we're supposed to see him as nicely sorted when he returns? I think not.

STOP THE PRESSES HOLD THE PHONE AND THE HORSES - I AM CRYING HAPPY TEARS BECAUSE...

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