red_satin_doll | Odds and Ends

Good news: The cable guys came today and hooked up our internet service; we only had two days to wait. So now we're connected again, yay! I hope to be on again more often here - I've missed being here and getting to play. I need the release more than ever.

I just sketched out a rough draft for a post-series Buffy & Faith (and/or Buffy/Faith) fic the other day; I haven't ever written fic about the two of them before allthough I've got plenty of meta notes. (It's occured to me I should start looking for a beta, and realize for all my experience being one, I have no idea how to ask for one.)

After the housefire, the crying jag, etc I've been thinking about Buffy post-series in ways I hadn't before: What's it like to have your entire world turned upside-down? To lose your home, the things you own, silly stuff that in some ways had come to define you? (Everyone thought I was crazy because I was thrilled that my childhood stuffed koala bear survived intact.) To have to remake-redefine yourself again because the patterns of your life, based on the habits built around the things you owned, the house you lived in, are suddenly no longer there anymore?

I'm familiar with the concept of displacement because I've been moved around many times since my dad died when I was about three yrs old: Mom remarried, then later divorced (and we left the house in the middle of the night); she bought a house and then another later; I went away to college, met my sweetie, moved and moved again. But this housefire is different - we've moved to another apartment but on the same property, we're still sorting through the damaged and destroyed things, betwixt and between if you will. I've tossed out books and antique photos I loved; I can't find anything in this new apartment because it's all still in boxes and bags; I set something down and five minutes later forget where. I did "detail work" today, lining kitchen cabinets, more cleaning and scrubbing of course, trying to find places for things. I'm not a great with organizational skills. There's no sense of familiarity or rhythms to the way we live yet.

The only thing that feels familiar is the way my sweetie and I communicate - or don't as the case may be. We argue and snipe at each other but we did that before anyway, so nothing new. She says I'm loud, I'm yelling, I'm hyper, etc; I say she's controlling and bossy and is also hyper but doesn't see it. The thing I notice now more than ever is that she says every single thing that comes into her mind. I'm not kidding - it's a constant stream-of-consciousness conversation, and I have to suss out when she's talking aloud to herself and when she's talking to me and expects a response. That's nothing new either but it's more intense now, I think.

The week has been crazy, chaotic - horrible rains on the day we were moving most of our stuff and still a ton left to go. I admit I cursed the deities I don't currently believe in, just for good measure: "Really, God? REALLY? I know you have a sense of humor and all that, and I mean this with all due respect but - Fuck you. Don't take that the wrong way or anything."

But the tarp I'd put up over the tent (all by myself, I'll have you know) withstood the rains and is still standing. *pats self on back* So there's that at least.

Threaded | Flat

I've done plenty of beta stuff in the Buffyverse, so I'd be happy to help. Not crazy about explicit non-con or violent sex, but more or less anything else is fair game.

I'm so sorry your life has been turned upside down. Sadly, all the clichés are true - you only can do it one step, one day, one hour at a time.

{{hugs}}

It would be bizarre if your recent trauma hadn't intensified your feelings and actions. You went through fire - literally! (And I understand completely about the koala. It can't be replaced.)

Gabrielle

I can only imagine how much it sucks to see your things, your own things, destroyed and to have to replace them even when you don't want to. And all the stress. I'm sending you a virtual bear hug!

It may sound silly (to anyone outside the fandom), but at sometimes when life has been really difficult, I've taken inspiration from Buffy, and it's helped me get through.

Life is what influences our writing, let's us imagine the world our charachters inhabit. Glad things are pulling back together and that lifeline has now been re-established. The www is such a huge part of life these days. It's like having a part ripped away to lose it. :D

I find it comforting to be able to relate real life experiences, even the bad stuff, with fictional experiences. I think that's part of what stories are for...

And I don't know exactly what you're looking for in a beta, and I see you already have an offer anyway...but if you ever find yourself looking for someone on the critique side of things, and it's not explicit material, I'd be willing to take a stab at it.

Err, I just tried to reply to your comment above but it got marked as spam, so I'm trying again as a reply to the post instead of that particular comment, just in case that helps.

I generally trust anyone who says something sounds awkward or doesn't flow. Because if it sounds awkward to one person, it will probably sound awkward to other people, even if it doesn't sound awkward to me. And sometimes things are awkward because of being read a certain way -- it might not be the way I want or expected it to be read, but I'd rather clean it up so that it can't be read awkwardly.

Oh, yes, Language Log is a linguistics blog: http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/

*hugs*

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