red_satin_doll | Odds and Ends

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Odds and Ends

Good news: The cable guys came today and hooked up our internet service; we only had two days to wait. So now we're connected again, yay! I hope to be on again more often here - I've missed being here and getting to play. I need the release more than ever.

I just sketched out a rough draft for a post-series Buffy & Faith (and/or Buffy/Faith) fic the other day; I haven't ever written fic about the two of them before allthough I've got plenty of meta notes. (It's occured to me I should start looking for a beta, and realize for all my experience being one, I have no idea how to ask for one.)

After the housefire, the crying jag, etc I've been thinking about Buffy post-series in ways I hadn't before: What's it like to have your entire world turned upside-down? To lose your home, the things you own, silly stuff that in some ways had come to define you? (Everyone thought I was crazy because I was thrilled that my childhood stuffed koala bear survived intact.) To have to remake-redefine yourself again because the patterns of your life, based on the habits built around the things you owned, the house you lived in, are suddenly no longer there anymore?

I'm familiar with the concept of displacement because I've been moved around many times since my dad died when I was about three yrs old: Mom remarried, then later divorced (and we left the house in the middle of the night); she bought a house and then another later; I went away to college, met my sweetie, moved and moved again. But this housefire is different - we've moved to another apartment but on the same property, we're still sorting through the damaged and destroyed things, betwixt and between if you will. I've tossed out books and antique photos I loved; I can't find anything in this new apartment because it's all still in boxes and bags; I set something down and five minutes later forget where. I did "detail work" today, lining kitchen cabinets, more cleaning and scrubbing of course, trying to find places for things. I'm not a great with organizational skills. There's no sense of familiarity or rhythms to the way we live yet.

The only thing that feels familiar is the way my sweetie and I communicate - or don't as the case may be. We argue and snipe at each other but we did that before anyway, so nothing new. She says I'm loud, I'm yelling, I'm hyper, etc; I say she's controlling and bossy and is also hyper but doesn't see it. The thing I notice now more than ever is that she says every single thing that comes into her mind. I'm not kidding - it's a constant stream-of-consciousness conversation, and I have to suss out when she's talking aloud to herself and when she's talking to me and expects a response. That's nothing new either but it's more intense now, I think.

The week has been crazy, chaotic - horrible rains on the day we were moving most of our stuff and still a ton left to go. I admit I cursed the deities I don't currently believe in, just for good measure: "Really, God? REALLY? I know you have a sense of humor and all that, and I mean this with all due respect but - Fuck you. Don't take that the wrong way or anything."

But the tarp I'd put up over the tent (all by myself, I'll have you know) withstood the rains and is still standing. *pats self on back* So there's that at least.

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Actually, this comment DID come into my inbox and I don't need to unscreen it so - maybe my LJ finally just recognizes you? I don't know how to friend you into my LJ because when I click your name of course I go to DW.

Oh, true, it's always up to the person who actually wrote the piece what they want to do.

But as I've written elsewhere, there are many times when I've had an author say they want my feedback and then get horribly defensive about it, and tell me I'm wrong or that other people read it and were fine with it, etc. No matter how many compliments and how much praise I gave the piece (I made a practice of starting with the good news), they'd focus on the one thing they didn't like hearing. (I've had two or three people in my life, including my best friend, who have been able to listen to/read my critiques without going bonkers at some point.)

My thing is - DON'T ask for my opinion if you DON'T want to hear what I have to say. Period. (I've told my partner more than once that I'm not giving my opinion on her paintings anymore. She'll like it or hate it no matter what I say.)

it's something I always try to pay attention to because I think I'm prone to making mistakes in that direction.

Sometimes I'm reading too fast, sometimes I think I understand but I don't trust my instincts (that happened when I was reading one of

comlodge's stories on fag_ends recently) and sometimes I just manage to miss and have no idea why. there have been some fics where I totally miss the point, then re-read it and it's so obvious what's going on there that I'm almost embarrassed.

But then sometimes the author just forgot to put in that key piece of information. "How did these characters get from point A to point B?" I think we've all done that at times? We assume what's going on, we know the character is carrying a gun and somehow forget to say so.

But I suppose there's often a tradeoff between accessible and...complicated?

Very much so. I've read stories where the style interferes with the story unnecessarily, IMO - I'm too aware of the style to be able to settle into the story. (I get that sometimes that is the point - the voiceovers and bare stage in Lars von Trier's Dogville is a cinematic example.) And the author will say oh yes, I did that on purpose, and I want to say "But it doesn't work for me." Which means there's someone else it won't work for, either. But again, maybe I'm not really their intended audience.

The only thing like that that drives me nuts is when someone says something like "Microsoft are..." and my brain just screams even though I know it's proper usage in the UK and possibly other places as well.

"MIcrosoft are..."? I don't think I've ever heard that in the US. It would sound very odd to me.

And reading aloud seems like such an awkward idea to me, but maybe I would feel differently if it were not late at night and silence all around.

Acting was my first love (and yes I'm one of those "wanted to be an actress since she was a child but never had the courage to really give it go" people, sadly); but I do have some experience in community theater so reading aloud just came to me as a natural choice. (I almost never do it with nonfiction - except I did read my "Ted" meta aloud after I'd posted it, and found some awkward spots in it that I tried to fixed. Whether I actually improved it is another story.)

If you click on the funny looking icon (I have no idea what it's supposed to represent) that's there to the left of my name in place of the little LJ person icon, it'll take you to the profile for this account.

I think listening to critique is a learned skill. It's really hard at first (and I know I had a hard time really taking in the first critiques that I received), but I think opening up to critique is something that can be learned, if someone wants to.

But that's definitely fair enough. I think another part of the process of critique that requires learning is when to ask for critique, and possibly what to ask for. I've had times when I'm really only open to certain kinds of comments but I did have certain areas I was worried about and wanted comments on, and when I've asked for that specifically it's turned out pretty well. And other times I've put something out there for any kind of critique, and gotten it, and completely rewritten the whole entire thing. (This was when I was writing original stuff.)

When critiquing, I usually try to give my first impression even if I go back and something makes complete sense on the second go-round. Because that's a tricky thing, you pay so much attention when critiquing, going over it and trying to make sure your comments make sense, but ordinary readers won't necessarily, so impressions from the first time through are important too. (When just reading, sometimes I miss things for any number of reasons...I have a tendency to skim without even realizing it every now and then, if the story isn't taking me where I want to go fast enough, and then sometimes I get pulled up short because I missed something. But sometimes I didn't miss it, it just wasn't there...and I do think that happens to every writer sometimes, the forgetting to put in something that's completely obvious to the writer but not to the reader. And sometimes leaving things out is for some sort of literary effect, or something, but that usually doesn't work for me...

As a writer, I think sometimes you do have to just accept that some things won't work for everyone. How far you're willing to go with that...that's a very personal decision, and it can be hard when a reader doesn't get it, or doesn't like it.

No, I've never heard that in the US. I don't know how wide-spread it is outside the US, but if you consider Microsoft (or any company or institution) as a group of people, it makes sense...

I actually took an acting class recently, for fun, and it was fun even though I'm really not suited to acting, as my reluctance to speak my words out loud probably shows. But I felt like I learned a lot from it.

I clicked on the "friend them" line and so hopefully that will fix things in future? BTW I'm curious as to the significance of your nom de plume (it may be nothing more complicated than you like that month. I'm very fond of autumn myself.)

I think listening to critique is a learned skill.

YES, exactly so. Most of us don't grow up receiving "constructive criticism" from our parents. "Do this - because I said so." "Because it's the way it's always been done." "I told you not to hit your sister - now hold still while I spank you with my belt." I remember in school I put too much focus on being right, on getting answers right, on good grades because that's where the focus was. Being "wrong" was something to be avoided; getting a C was unthinkable. (And media doesn't help - commercials communicate to us that our lives will be better IF ONLY we'd use the right detergent and so forth. They are purposely designed to appeal to our sense of inferiority.)

The irony being, the only thing it proved is that I was good in school. Being good in life has been another story altogether. (But, enough about me....)

And sometimes leaving things out is for some sort of literary effect, or something, but that usually doesn't work for me...

If I'm saying "huh? What? Huh?" and the missing piece isn't filled in by the end of the story, then you've thrown me out. Again, sometimes the creator wants to do that. Baz Luhrmann claimed that was his intention with Moulin Rouge, make it difficult to get into, ask the audience member "Are you with us or not?" and do some of the work. It does work to a degree; I loved the movie for a while, irrationally (love is never rational) but there were still chunks of "Huh"? that never worked the way they were supposed to. Ex: the rational for Harold Zidler's motivations (that he was an egotist) never made sense; in the deleted version on the DVD, his motivation was that he was deeply in debt. EVERY MR fanfiction writer I know of (myself included) made the deleted version their headcanon, not the actual canon version.

Or there was a time in the '90's I watched an interview with Don Henley of the Eagles about a new album and he explained/interpreted the meaning of his new song and video in great detail and I thought "It's a pop song. If you have to explain it that much because I won't understand it otherwise, there's a problem." It gets back to "Who is your audience for this?" It just comes off as incredibly self-indulgent unless the person in question respect the intelligence of their audience.

that's a very personal decision, and it can be hard when a reader doesn't get it, or doesn't like it.

Hence the need to pick one's betas carefully. It really helps if your beta is someone who would probably be part of your intended audience, I think. I would not be a good beta for a "bodice ripper" type of story, for instance. I don't know the conventions and I don't read or generally like those sorts of things. OTOH not knowing too much about the conventions of a genre can also be a good thing, I would think? It allows some objectivity and, does the story work for someone who wants to dip their toes in for the first time.

I actually took an acting class recently, for fun,

I'm glad you enjoyed it! For some reason I am terribly shy on a face to face level, in personal interactions, but put me on a stage, be it a literal one or public speaking, or doing demonstrations with a roomful of folks in front of me, and I'm in my element, it's such a joy to me. Even hosting a tv show a few times, there was no one there but the camera person and a guest but in my head? There was an audience out there. Maybe one person, but an audience and I was performing for them. So acting has all sorts of real-world applications, IMO.

Hopefully! Thanks. Mostly I just like the way it sounds, and it's always good to be looking for something and occasionally finding it, even :) As well as enjoying autumn...and Anthony Price's October Men was in my mind for some obscure reason, but I can't recall the exact connection. Does yours have a story?

I still remember the point in high school when one of my English teachers said that writing a good paper was not about being right, but rather a good paper had an argument that was well supported by the evidence...but it could be any argument, as long as you could support it. It was a revelation.

But generally, being good in school was such a simple, well-defined thing.

Somehow I've managed to miss seeing Moulin Rouge. It's probably something I should go back and catch up on.

And I tend to take long explanations like that with a grain of salt. That may be what it was intended to be, but it's not what it has to be to me. The thing about songs is that they so often work without actually making sense, they're just like a smorgasbord of imagery and evocative language...

I can't say I've ever had a lot of choice in betas. Aside from occasionally asking a friend... On the other hand, if you get a variety of opinions, it balances out a bit.

Oh, the audience helps a lot, actually. For some reason, it was much more nerve-wracking to perform for just the teacher than to perform for the whole class. I really can't figure it out.

Does yours have a story?

Over ten years ago I was signing up for an internet forum for the first time - a Nicole Kidman fan forum. (I was really loved her work then, and I loved Moulin Rouge.) "RedSatinDoll" popped into my head, and I think it's a play on one of the most famous costumes from the movie - the red satin dress ("smoldering temptress"). http://fashiondressphotos.blogspot.com/2011/08/red-dress-nicole-kidman-in-moulin-roug.html

the funny thing was, it wasn't my favorite costume from the movie but it's the most iconic and the combination of words just seemed right. And I've stuck with it ever since, with the exception of my long-neglected ff.net pseudonym. (I added the spacemarks to the LJ version because other people like beer_good_foamy do but went back to the original form, which I prefer, for A03.)

one of my English teachers said that writing a good paper was not about being right, but rather a good paper had an argument that was well supported by the evidence...but it could be any argument, as long as you could support it. It was a revelation.

Yes, very much so. And god knows I loved the library and loved research, so supporting my arguments was never a problem. A year ago I came across one of my college essay papers and the evidence was fine - it was the argument itself (and some of my conclusions) that made me wince. My self-esteem is a mess but god I came across as so freakin' arrogant. Yet as writers we need some of that (self-esteem and yes, even arrogance) to be able to write at all and believe it's worth letting other people read it.

The thing about songs is that they so often work without actually making sense, they're just like a smorgasbord of imagery and evocative language...

Of course. Instrumental music is an abstract art form - no language but a great deal of meaning(s), emotions, etc. Would Stairway to Heaven be as famous without the guitar licks? When I'm listening to the Moody Blues "Nights in White Satin" or "Tuesday Afternoon" I honestly don't care what the lyrics mean, I'm swept up and carried along by the music. (That was actually one of the propositions of Moulin Rouge - that Baz Luhrmann felt that the only way the heightened emotions could be fully conveyed was via music.)

Oh, the audience helps a lot, actually. For some reason, it was much more nerve-wracking to perform for just the teacher than to perform for the whole class. I really can't figure it out.

Because you felt you were being judged/evaluated? I think it's always more nerve-wracking in those instances. I watched a part of a documentary once about pastry chefs competing for the highest honors in France and some of them were terrified - and these were all very accomplished and experienced people in their field.

Yeah, I can certainly see why that dress is iconic.

I clearly remember throwing out some old high school and college papers several years ago and now I regret it. Seeing the person you used to be is...disconcerting sometimes, but also tells you things about yourself that you might have forgotten.

Oh, true, so true, sometimes it's hard to have that self-confidence, but it's necessary. And hard.

My college roommate introduced me to the Moody Blues (speaking of college). I always pay attention to the words though...I don't care whether they make sense, but there's nothing that will turn me off of a song quicker than not being able to understand the words.

Probably. Actually, I think the instructor set it up that way. Everyone in the class was friendly with each other, and the instructor did a lot to help us bond and trust each other, but the instructor held back from that a bit, so he was a bit intimidating just because of not being quite as much of a known quantity.

but the instructor held back from that a bit, so he was a bit intimidating just because of not being quite as much of a known quantity.

I had quite a few professors with that quality; for some people it's probably a necessity in terms of remaining professional (or maybe that's just their nature anyway?) But it is intimidating, in the same way that performing or speaking to an audience and not being able to hear or see clues re: how they're receiving you or reacting can be. (it took me a while to learn that silence from an audience during the performance of a drama is a sign that they are focused on you. It's disconcerting, but noises from the auditorium would actually signal lack of interest. With comedy though, it's the opposite.)

BTW - could you PM me your email so I can send you any fic for looking over? thanks

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