red_satin_doll | While I sit here feeling very very numb

btvsats20in20 is up NOW until June 16th; there are separate posts for the 10 Themes, Category (black/white), and Artist's Choice.

And sign-ups are already being accepted for Round 2 so grab your claim!

Kudos to

bangel_4e for all their hard work, for creating this comm and for making it all look great! And I forgot to thank

clockwork_hart1 in my entries post for taking the time to explain how to make a collage in ipiccy so I could do the blending icons. I'd never done that before because Photobucket doesn't have that capability.

So go and vote for your favorites, the best of the best if such decisions can be made. What is "best" really? I used to whine and complain when I had 9 - 30 entries to chose from? I had NO IDEA how good I had it. Oh to be so young and innocent again (as I was last week...)

It's a trade off: on the one hand I've LOVED giving and getting feedback beforehand. Showing off more of my work, knowing who made what and learning from y'all how stuff is done is marvelous and energizing. Artists NEED audiences, even an audience of one. And vice versa.

And artists need a community of other artists to learn and grow. I've seen how not having that, how being a lone wolf, has been harmful to my sweetheart's growth as an artist. It stunts her if anything - hence the need to go to NYC last October and attend the Armory Show and expose herself to work she'd never seen before.

OTOH, it makes it a little harder to vote, if anything - I feel that nagging sense of "oh I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings". Which, oddly enough, I don't feel when I vote in or judge fic contests. Perhaps because it feels as if the "fic writing community" is larger than the "visual arts community (icon makers)" in this fandom, although that may just be my perception and limited scope of aquaintance. IDK.

And now I understand why you can't see the voting results in other icontests I've participated in. I thought it would be nifty? I'm re-thinking that stance. I'm feeling nervous all over again. And a little sick. Ok, I was feeling sick before thanks to a life-changing event involving sudden loss of income leading to numbness and depression but also nausea - which makes it sound like I'm fishing for pity votes or somesuch nonsense and really not. (Does that make it sound like I'm fishing for pity votes? Oh god I hope not. Somebody slap me upside the head. Or even better, hug me - hugs are of the good!)

Anyhoo - thank you everyone for your support, encouragement and feedback. Seriously, you folks have kept me from curling up in a very small ball in the corner (because it's impossible to sit at the desk and type in a fetal position.)

As

velvetwhip would agree, this is what fandom is all about: not about endless wars and intercene skirmishes, not about "my HBIC/MANPIRE is better than your HBIC/MANPIRE" but about friendship. And sharing. And porn. And fun. And hairporn. And endless creativity. And Winged!Buffy/Vamp!Willow porn (ok that last one might just be me...It doesn't exist yet, but someday!)

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VampWillow/Winged!Buffy porn? I so have to try that.

I approve of this plan! (Have you read brutti_ma_buoni's fic that started my kink, "the one with wings"?)

And hello there and welcome, how did you find me? I see that you're friends with two of the best writers in fandom, rahirah and il_mio_capitano; and I started reading your fic A Scent of flowers and am intrigued because I adore all three pairings. Will explore your fics further. I admit I'm a little shy about NC-17, is there anything in your stuff that will likely make me cry? (torture, Buffy-bashing, etc *lol*)

I can't say that I have read that. Actually, I've never even heard of it before, but now I have an undeniable urge to find it. I just got such a strong image in my head when I read those words, and in my experience, the best way to get an image out of my head is to create it, you know?

Links to BMB's Pylea/Winged Slayer fics and the banner I commissioned from Comlodge for it here:
http://red-satin-doll.livejournal.com/16934.html

The story created such a strong image in my head I commissioned the banner - with BMB's permission and I'd never done such a thing, (Then comlodge treated me to the Winged Buffy manip prezzie, the first time someone made something like that for me as a gift.)

And yay to the su_herald! I find so much good stuff there, I think you're the first or second person to tell me they found me through them, It's such a marvelous resource. I'm 2 years new to Buffy and Buffy fandom and this fandom is so incredibly rich, so creative, I'm grateful to the folks at the herald for the work they do. I could never find all the stuff they link to on my own.

now they do go to an extremely dark place,

If there are warnings then I can always make a decision to go there or not. (it's the few times I've a read a story with no warnings and then - WHOA, didn't see that coming - that have been the problem.)

And I'll have to check out your stories on Ao3, I love the format of that site as a reader; and I've just started dipping into Twisting the Hellmouth. As with ff.net there is so MUCH there and a lot of dross, so it helps to have writers I'm looking for specifically.

I've never bashed a character.

Coolness (although I've had unkind words for a character or two I usually have kept private or in an f'locked rant but I do try to be fair and understanding to all of them.)

Looking forward to getting to know and being known better, I hope I don't disappoint! I have one fic posted here and a couple of meta posts I'm proud of if you're interested
http://red-satin-doll.livejournal.com/13017.html
http://red-satin-doll.livejournal.com/17902.html
http://red-satin-doll.livejournal.com/3321.html

While I sit here feeling very very numb - oh look, 20in20 voting! SHINY!!

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