red_satin_doll | I WON AN AWARD AT THE OTHERWORLDLYRIC iCONTEST! (??) Icons, thinky-thoughts and my usual blather...

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I WON AN AWARD AT THE OTHERWORLDLYRIC iCONTEST! (??) Icons, thinky-thoughts and my usual blather...

And this is where I pretend I'm ~~such a mature, blase adult about such things~~ - oh, screw that. I won third place in otherworldlyric icontest #163!

(But also, I won? Like, SRSLY??)

Thank you to everyone who voted! And congratulations to the other winners in this challenge, chic_c and spikesredqueen!

I had a hard time voting this round (as per usual) because there were so many lovely things to pick from. Two of the ones I voted for are in fandoms I'm not familiar with, so I had no idea who the characters were, I just thought they were wonderful icons. And I even voted for a Spike icon - I'm as shocked as you are! Then immediately after I hit the submit vote button I thought "Oh, no wait, but there's that other one too....Can I vote again?"

You know me. Given my druthers, I don't wanna enumerate them. I just wanna enjoy. *sigh*

Of course, a thousand THANK YOUS go to my ~~agent, my manager, my stylist~~ beta

wickedbish (Ryan); he specifically mentioned that Fading Away Fast icon as one of his favorites and I don't think I would have submitted it otherwise. I liked the icon very much - I loved the concept of it when I thought it up - but I wasn't entirely happy with the execution. (I wanted the effect of a more gradual fade on the colors on each word in the text.) I knew right away that I wanted to submit #11 and #15 (below) but I wasn't sure about a third choice.

ETA: OH DEAR, I forgot to thank comlodge for her very kind encouragments to me re: talking about the process of making these and the stories behind them; in essence, she's "given me permission" to open Pandora's box. (Thank you sweetie - I hope you don't regret it later!)

Here are my three entries, numbered according to the challenge number assignments:

11)

15)

These represent two of my favorite episodes in the entire series; I made the Prophecy Girl icons first. #15 is probably one of my favorites of all the ones I've ever made. I really wanted the double-image of Buffy in front of the mirror as well as her reflection and was really happy with what I got. And I love that the font looks like graffiti scrawled it on the glass. This time around I was consciously trying to experiment with fonts I hadn't used before.

Have I mentioned before that PG is the first masterpiece YOU MUST WATCH THIS episode of the series? (Although I will ALWAYS argue that one needs to watch the season in it's entirety as well. Especially Nightmares and Angel.) That Sarah never fails to bring me to tears when I watch it? And Tony as Giles, standing in the library utterly useless despite all his efforts and intentions, just as Buffy accuses him of being...ugh. Heartbreaking.

#11 is a farther distance than usual for me (I tend towards close-up shots) but something about that distance visually emphasized Buffy's isolation in that moment, the lonely struggle with and against her own mind. I also loved the diagonal light and shadow lines on the wall; diagonals and asymmetrical compostions have alwayts appealed to me in art nouveau and Japanese woodcuts. The shadow offered a perfect canvas for the lettering and, again, the effect of graffiti on the wall.

Here's the remaining icons I made for that challenge, vaguely-sorta-kinda-not-exactly in the order I made them. Or something like that:

Please. Explain to me again why Sarah NEVER won an Emmy or any major award for playing Buffy, aside from that "Performances in _______ (fill in the blank) genre programs aren't deserving of serious awards love" b.s.

10)

12)

13)

14)

#10 was the other one Ryan suggested for my third choice, and I love how the "deer in headlights" effect emphasizes Buffy's struggle ("traps for your mind"). But I almost submitted #5 as my third choice. I LOVE that one, perhaps for similar reasons that I love the PG one. I used the same font, but with small caps, for a graffiti effect that came out much better than I'd expected; it looks like Buffy has childishly, desperately, scribbled the words on the wall and then dropped the crayon in frustration or resignation. But I also almost went with #7 (or 8 or 9) because OH GOD HER EXPRESSION THAT FACE I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS MOMENT just total incoherence.

16)

17)

#16 - 17 OTOH are "meh" in comparison although I swear I did try my best. I do like the look of a vintage book illustration in #16; as with #11 it's a more distant shot than I often use but I think I got the mood of the moment. I actually am pleased with the way I caught Faith's expression in #17, from Touched, thanks to lots of adjustments in brightness and contrast (the source screencap is so dark). You can almost hear her panting here. I even like the detail of her fist in the lower corner, sort of a visual punctuation mark. There's something almost stupidly mechanical in this mano-a-mano confrontation between Spike and Faith in Touched, this power struggle that didn't have to happen. And I absolutely adore that entire scene and this moment especially, fighting over Buffy and about her (they're both warriors, it's what they both do best) when it is so obvious that they both care about her very deeply: "Where is she?" / "I don't know!"

Those crazy kids - god help me, I love them.

Speaking of love - I really wanted to make one with Joyce in Normal Again, but ran out of time and energy: "Your father and I have all the faith in the world in you."

Oh dear. Buffy has to go into a hallucinatory state to find the emotional comfort and support she needs in that moment - and the person who provides it is her mother. Of course it is. How can anyone watch this episode, never mind the entire series, and think that Joyce isn't the most important person in Buffy's life? Of course it's Joyce - not Giles or Hank, nor any of her friends or lovers. Not even Dawn can get through to her this time the way she did in Bargaining/After Life. Just as in season 7's Bring on the Night, the First appears to Buffy wearing Joyce's face, because no one could unsettle Buffy so deeply. It HAD to be Joyce.

LIkewise, it had to be Joyce in CWDP; Dawn fights as a warrior and magician with everything she's got, and is cut to ribbons far worse than Xander was in Grave, in order to save and protect her mother. Summers Blood is truly the blood of champions.

And whether NormalAgain!Joyce is a "bloody figment" hardly matters in this moment. Is this what the real Joyce would have said in the situation, or what Buffy would have wanted her to say? A bit of both I suspect.

Now I have a bit of a personal confession, so feel free to skip this if you're not so much into the person stuff:

I suspect that part of the reason I'm drawn to Normal Again is because when I was a teenager I was certain I was going to become mentally ill and locked away at some point in my life - is that a teenage angst thing or a "me" thing? And as an adult dealing with depression I've discovered that, yes, it is something you do battle with. Sometimes it IS a war, and you have to fight to stay alive. And sometimes it's just a friggin' slog. So, I identify.

I have no idea why I had this fear years before before my mother revealed a secret to me: that my father had taken his own life when I was about three years old and my brothers even younger, not an accident as she'd always claimed. (In the interest of our protection, I know. How do you explain that to three small children? My mother was in her early 20's when that happened; I was 3, one of my brothers 2 and the other a toddler. How do you explain that, ever?)

And it was at least another five years in addition to that before I learned that his brother had also taken his life, leaving behind a wife and two young daughters I never even knew about. My grandfather came for a rare visit after a trip from Alaska, and said my cousin had seen my picture in his wallet and asked Who was that pretty girl? My response:

"I have a cousin in Alaska?"

And another one in the midwest, as it turned out - both with spouses/partners and growing children of their own. Somehow I knew that my dad had a brother, but in the absence of information assumed he died in a war or something years ago. Like John Kennedy's older brother in the biography I'd read as a kid. Apparently that's what a child's mind will do - fill the vacuum with whatever bits they can find lying around. Perhaps not unlike the way Buffy assumes that her parents' divorce is a result of her father's disappointment in her; her brain fills the vacuum of polite silence and careful phrases that she wants to believe but can't entirely.

And here's a thought that just popped in my head: That there IS a reason why the theme of well-meaning adults hiding or keeping information from their children "for their own good" in the series resonates so deeply with me. *ponders this*

Families - you can't live with them....

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*hugs you lots* I am very sorry about your father. That's a lot to handle. I've lost several friends to suicide, but never someone in my family. You've turned out to be an incredible person in spite of all this, so kudos to you.

Gabrielle

P.S. Congratulations on the icon win!

Oh thank you sweetie - on both counts!

(And btw I promise SWEAR I did not write this with the intent of pulling focus like that. I guess Buffy is such a journey of discovery for me and it popped up while I was writiing - IDK. There it was, and it's such an abstract thing for me at this point that I didn't feel anything about while writing this. Except, huh, that happened. Guess I've been through the processing piece.)

I know you have no problems handling and accepting such things - I'll never know to what extent but you've seen the darkness and haven't let it consume you - but should I have put up more warnings for more sensitive folks? (Back to the theme of information and withholding of, however well-intentioned!)

Edited 2014-03-04 20:24 (UTC)

Why are you apologizing? This is your journal and you are allowed to talk about yourself and your life in any way and at any time you desire. You didn't "pull focus". You discussed how this show relates to your life and why. Why would anyone think ill of that? Anyway, if they do, they can go take a long walk off a short cliff as far as I am concerned.

Gabrielle

Um, because....deep-seated insecurity and shame around issues which are normally shrouded in silence?

But, hey, on the upside - it didn't occur to me to worry about it until after I hit the post button, in fact until after your remarks and all my insecurties came rushing back to the surface (not your fault! they're just there.) But before, I wouldn't have even said any of this but deleted it before posting,

so, hurray for progress! :)

You discussed how this show relates to your life and why.

I am glad it worked that way and didn't seem random - I guess I need to have more confidence in my voice and style. And honestly, I think I am getting there. Thanks in a little more than part to you and the wonderful people who stop by here and give feedback.

Anyway, if they do, they can go take a long walk off a short cliff as far as I am concerned.

Which is the exact same thing I said to a friend recently - sometimes we just need someone to give us our own medicine!

Congratulations!!! Awesome icon. The cap is just spot on for the words and I love the other two for the same reason. Thanks for the story behind. I love the story behind if your hadn't guessed from my occasional forays, lol.

It's common I believe, for teenagers to be depressed, to think they are certifiable, to believe, wonder (hope), they are adopted and a million other angsty things, The scientists tell us it's the raging hormones. Life tells me it's life.

Children do create their own explanations and stories for gaps or things they don't understand and children almost always blame themselves for their parents divorces. Partly because children are very self centered, constructed that way by nature to ensure their survival in a harsh world.

There are no Brady bunch families. There are just some which are less fractured than others. :D

Thank you! And I forgot to thank you for being so kind and giving me permission to talk about the icons and how I made them **edits post** There, all fixed now!

And as I mentioned to Gabrielle upthread I did NOT intend to write any of that personal stuff, at all, when I started the post.

Life tells me it's life.

Oh yes, exactly so!

I suspect that the lack of support structures (extended multigenerational families, clans, church groups and a strong belief in a god, etc) has a lot to do with it, or does it? What about traditional Japanese culture, Amish, Mormon, kids in Africa and China, etc? I don't have a point of comparison.

It would be interesting to compare kids from entirely different cultures - by which I mean european (which includes you and I) to other parts of the world. In some places and times they don't even have a concept for "adolescence" which is really quite a "modern" development esp to the 20th century. It was childhood to adulthood when people married and were having babies by age 14 and often dead by the age of 40 and nothing in between.

Partly because children are very self centered, constructed that way by nature to ensure their survival

I can still remember the best illustration of this - being two years old and slamming my brothers finger into the cabinet door hinge, then fussing at him for not pulling his finger out when he was screaming. My brain literally DID NOT PROCESS the concept that I was the cause of his pain. At all. I remember that so vividly. So yes, children are self-centered little creatures.

I don't know what's more frightful - losing all of that and nearly drowing in guilt/shame/whatever, or NOT losing any of that. (Yes am I thinking of the folks who stole your artwork recently. That to me is the epitome of still being in that utterly selfish infantile state, lacking any empathy whatsoever.)

There are no Brady bunch families. There are just some which are less fractured than others.
Have I mentioned lately that you are awesome? I want this on a bumper sticker. Or a shopping bag that I can show off to EVERYONE when I'm out and about.

giving me permission to talk about the icons and how I made them

When you get a little older you won't need that permission. I mostly say what's on my mind - or not. People can take it or leave it. It's a bit like the evangelists who knock on your door, you don't have to listen to them, you can politely or not ask them to leave but some days those folk are going to knock on someone's door who needs to listen and maybe grab hold. For those people, the rest of us can quietly spend a few polite minutes listening before getting back to our lives. One day it could be us in need.

being two years old and slamming my brothers finger

I have so few childhood memories but for a long time the few that cropped up seemed to be bad things. I had to really think, to reminisce with siblings or friends to bring up happy ones. Guilt is such a drain on us all. Unless you have no empathy - than you're kind of a monster. :D Grant me the medium please, someone. :D

BTW hon - I don't know if it shows, but I was thinking about you and our recent conversations re: Joyce when I wrote that part about her in the post!

When you get a little older you won't need that permission. I mostly say what's on my mind - or not. People can take it or leave it.

A friend of mine told me that when she turned 30. I hit 40 and was still waiting. Still am I guess.

Then again I know some folks who never get there no matter what age, so I'm making progress.

One day it could be us in need.

I have a friend in TN who is a Christian (not really conservative politically, although in the US we assume the two go together) and she and her hubby ride their Harley motorcycles with friends from their church and have picnics and cook-outs at motorcycle conventions and rock concerts to reach out to people who may be in need, but whose only experience with religion was being lectured and shamed and screamed at. And she's offered me wise words of support when I've needed it. And I think how we talk to one another - to not at - makes a huge difference.

But sometimes I've met a stranger and I said the thing they needed to hear in that moment, or they said something I needed to hear. We're both a bit better for it, and we never meet again. You never know.

I had to really think, to reminisce with siblings or friends to bring up happy ones.

My sweetie is the exact same way. She claims to have no happy memories. She does, but they're rare and they pop out randomly - always to do with her pet horses, dogs (and a couple of girls she really liked and pulled their pigtails.)

I went the other way; I forgot about my father's death until I was in my teens, and then I read a passage in a school textbook about Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders. I kid you not. I "forgot" about a lot of stuff, until I realized I didn't really. I'd just been holding it in. And that isn't healthy.

Guilt is such a drain on us all. Unless you have no empathy - than you're kind of a monster.

Amen, and amen. I understand now what my mom meant about my 1st stepfather (my sister's father) when she called him evil (and amended that by saying she thought that very few people were truly evil but...) I didn't get it at the time but I know now that's what she meant - he had no empathy. Basicallly, a raging overgrown child who abandoned both his daughters with both his wives. The tragedy is for him, missing out on them, missing out on my sister's beautiful children.

I hit 40 and was still waiting
I think I got old when I got a baby then I got young again. I'm old enough to know better and young enough to do it anyway and I do!

I read a sad story back when, shit I can't remember the country, sod it. European, repressive regime toppled, state run nursery's full of babies. When the humanitarians went into the nursery they found all these hundreds of babies who were clean and well fed but the children did not smile or respond to people and they reasoned that they'd never learned to. They'd never been nursed and cuddled and hugged and talked to so they hadn't learned to socialize and respond at all and there seemed to be some concern that they never would because of missing out on such important things so young. Children are a sponge and if they don't get filled with some of the good things then we make little monsters.

How many people do you know who hold a grudge and think that by doing so they are hurting the one they have the grudge against. It is seldom so. They simply hurt themselves. :D

I read a sad story back when, shit I can't remember the country, sod it. European, repressive regime toppled, state run nursery's full of babies.

I think that was Yugoslavia? But your point is well-taken and very true. (I know people who turned out to be amazing adults regardless of their upbringing. I sometimes wonder that more of us aren't completely psychotic.)

How many people do you know who hold a grudge and think that by doing so they are hurting the one they have the grudge against. It is seldom so. They simply hurt themselves. :D

THIS, so much so!

Children do create their own explanations and stories for gaps or things they don't understand and children almost always blame themselves for their parents divorces. Partly because children are very self centered, constructed that way by nature to ensure their survival in a harsh world.

There are no Brady bunch families. There are just some which are less fractured than others. :D

That's true. There are no Brady families at all and I guess that we all share our piece of pain. I don't like to talk about my family - and for family I don't mean just my nuclear family but all the family package (grandparents and stuff) who are/were really close to me because ... hey, southern Italian girl! But I learned that. Which not diminishes at all your courage to handle all the things that you handled. I can admire you more for that.

I also can relate with the feeling of sensing there's something wrong with you. But you already know that I identify with Buffy especially in the latest seasons (Even if I strongly believe that she shows signs of depression even in S3 or S2)

but all the family package (grandparents and stuff)

When we were young we always visited family on both sides. That would be our day trip or holiday. To visit uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins. There would be engagement parties, weddings. Christmas, family reunions, parents school reunions as well. Our families were spread around a bit so we didn't see them all the time but it was nice. We don't do that much anymore. That's a bit sad.

(Even if I strongly believe that she shows signs of depression even in S3 or S2)

Before that I'd say - Nightmares for instance. Even in WTTH, when she backs away from Giles. And then in Becoming, the flashback listening to her parents argue. Oh god, I have been there. You can't grow up listening to that and not be affected. (And that scene is taken from the movie version that came before it, so it's not a retcon or afterthought, it was the backstory all along.)

And of course, the S2 opener WSWB is straight up and up PTSD - for which she never receives treatment other than "have a good cry and get it out of your system, and then get on with it." The only (brief) counseling she receives in the entire series is Beauty and the Beast, after Angel returns from Hell, and that's one session before he's killed. Pile trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma, but no big deal right?

In my headcanon Buffy, Faith and Dawn make sure that there is therapy, counseling, healthcare etc for the new Slayers. Of course they would. But my headcanon ends with Chosen and everything after that is up for grabs.

I love Normal Again on a lot of levels, but it typifies the rather wonky ideas the show seems to have about therapy, about the profession, etc. (Not as obvious as in Veronika Decides to Die, but still enough where I'm left to wonder.)

I'm gonna read the post but first I want to say

MUAHAHAHA. GOTCHA AGAIN.

I voted two of your icons thinking that they were yours. Apparently you should be scared of my deductions skills.

You are a TERRIFYING woman! *snorfle*

Which ones did you vote for? (And PLEASE tell me you voted for what you honestly liked?)

I honestly like them, I promise. I voted for 1 and 15. I was totally sure for 15 - not only because of the font but also because the moment you choose which is so poignant for Buffy and a Buffyfan - same though about icon 1. They are really gorgeous icons.
I also voted a Spike icon - I don't know who's the author - because he's my baby and the icon was portraying him beautifully, but I had to choose between that and a stunning Willow one and it was hard. People, you're skilled!

Do you mean the Spike icon from Beneath You that won first place by chic_c? I voted for that one too and I almost never do but it was just so simple and lovely and yes, everything.

Yes, I voted that icon. :D

Congrats Sweetie. You deserve it.

Thanks hon! *Blushes*

Thank you for the congratulations and congrats to you, too!!! I voted for your icon that won! :)

Oh my goodness, thank you! That is quite an honor! *blushes*

Btw, I guess I should admit I voted for 3. 6 & 7 but then I wished I'd voted for 2 (the Willow icon) because I LOVE that contrast of deep rich colors and black/white - did you do that one? So gorgeous and original.

No, that one was not made by me but it is very pretty!

Which ones did you make?

You can see them here :) http://spikesredqueen.livejournal.com/161674.html

Just commented, thank you!

I noticed that the mods at

slayerstillness open up the submission and voting threads after a challenge is over, so folks can see who made what and who voted for what. And it's kind of fun to see that (unless you were really disappointed with the results, then I guess it'd be different.) I wonder if they got tired of people asking "Who made that?" I think it makes it easier for everyone because I'm really curious who made what.

Anyway, congratulations again to you! Have you entered the latest one? I'm too busy at the moment and neither of the latest challenges in SS or OWL really spoke to me.

Edited 2014-03-05 17:22 (UTC)

Sometimes I like to be challenged with making icons, so I love submitting to the different icontests. I submitted to the newest round not long after it opened. :) Thank you!

Congrats! I usually don't enter that challenge but I usually always vote..... and..... I voted for you!!! The icon is lovely I liked how the coloring matched the words. Go you!!! BTW.... did you vote in my 2nd icon poll? It's here
http://teragramm.livejournal.com/186079.html

Edited 2014-03-05 00:05 (UTC)

*BLUSHES CRIMSON*

I honestly don't know what to say except thank you! Really honored that you think I was any good.

And I just voted on your poll!

Congratulations! Your icons are beautiful. So clear and they carry a message. It's unsettling to look at them because I see this desperation in her face. So your work has an impact, and to me, that means it's successful.

Very sorry to hear about your family history and how it has affected you. *hugs*

*HUGS BACK*

So clear and they carry a message. It's unsettling to look at them because I see this desperation in her face. So your work has an impact, and to me, that means it's successful.

Oh my, thank you! That means SO much to me because that's exactly what I was hoping for.

(Unsettle people, aren't I cheerful? I guess that's my MO - make you laugh yesterday, unsettle you today>)

Congratulations on your award. I'm very proud of you.

I'm sorry you have had to deal with such grief and loss in your life. Suicide sucks. Thank you for sharing your words.

*hugs tight*

OMG, thank you sweetie, on all counts! I'm really surprised at the reaction to the icons (and all of it really.) I guess feeling safe enough thanks to my friends here like you just makes a huge difference.

Suicide sucks.

I can still only imagine what my mom went through. I haven't had the courage to broach that particular part of the subject.

I think what makes is "suck harder" is the shame and secrecy that we have around it.

*Hugs*

I don't have an answer to your question. I'm just here to help.

And YAY AWARD!!

That's totally a BY reference isn't it? *lol*

Btw, what question? *owlish blink*

(no, really. Everyone has been so kind about the past history part of it and I'm totally blanking out on what I wrote. Like, there's this weird detachment, which is good. I can say this stuff and not descend into a puddle of tears, y'know?)

Congrats! Brilliant icons - oh god Sarah's face in 7-8-9...

Thanks ever so muchly! (I'm glad you stopped by, I was thinking of you yesterday when I posted. I thought you might appreciate these.) Although all this praise, I may get giddy or something.

oh god Sarah's face in 7-8-9...

RIGHT? When I think of my favorite episodes or moments in any episode, it usually has a lot to do with Sarah, with her expressions, that total committment in the moment, whether it's comedy or drama.

Sarah gives good face. But that episode in particular...damn.

I have no idea whatsoever what an icontest is, but congrats! :)
I'm not good with personal stuff and feel completely and utterly uncomfortable with the concept of virtual hugs and things like that that are oh-so-easily distributed through the net, so I'll only say that I feel for you.

Thank you very much!

*feels back*

They are beautiful work - I am so glad that you are using your talents ... well done.

Can't understand either why the show didn't get more recognition ... or the actors. Such brilliant portrayal of emotion throughout the show.

I do love my family ... and, as far as I know, there aren't any real skeletons. Although as half of dad's family don't speak to the others ... or, in fact anyone at all ... who knows!

User

oni_9 referenced to your post from Wednesday, March 5 (http://su-herald.livejournal.com/710809.html) saying: [...] Icons (and thinky-thoughts) [...]

Congratulations! \o/
All the entries are gorgeous but #1 is superb!
The alts are beautiful too, especially #5, the writing on the wall effect is great! You do some fantastic cropping (2, 6, 8-9) and colouring (5, 6, 9).
Normal Again deserves lots of love for Sarah's performance, outstanding!
Explain to me again why Sarah NEVER won an Emmy or any major award for playing Buffy
Unsolved mystery to date. :((

Thank you dear and did you enter the current challenge? I struggled for a while, then came up with three icons I'm not very happy with, they're a bit rushed.

This is really quite the compliment, thank you! (I already sent you a comment on the NA ones you did - two years ago? You had already covered the concept beautifully. So, high praise indeed.)

And I almost sent in #5 instead of #1 - I just LOVE the way it the writing on the wall came out. And her expression (dear god Sarah would you stop killing me already? GAH)

Thank you for the kind words on the cropping! As I don't have many effects to play with in PB, I have to make the best use of cropping and strong facial expressions - cropping is one of my primary "special effects" because I don't have brushes etc to play with. (On the other hand that may be a virtue? My partner got Aperture on our Mac and is going to teach me what she learned in a workshop on using the editing effects and part of me is like, whoa, do I really want to get into this?)

As for the coloring - you like it? Thanks! That is the most frustrating part of using PB's current suite (the old one gave me more control and variety in terms of hue, saturation, value etc.)

And no I didn't enter either the current Slayerstillness or Otherworldlyric challenges. The prompts didn't inspire me and I had too much too do this past week (going to NYC etc.) I just voted at otherworldlyrics on the current challenge and I'm dying to know who made the ones I voted for. (And which ones you did!)

I like that slayerstillness opens the entry and voting threads after winners have been announced, I wish otherworldlyrics would do the same. I think it's fun to see.

using the editing effects and part of me is like, whoa, do I really want to get into this?
Be prepared, once you start using layers and brushes and gradients and all the other tools you step into another universe and time flies!

The "Downtown" challenge wasn't easy for me, my icons were #3-6-10 (two Spike and Dawn+Tara), this week is even worse, no ideas at all. :(

I have slayerstillness in my f-list but I always forget to check their icontests. (oops)

Be prepared, once you start using layers and brushes and gradients and all the other tools you step into another universe and time flies!

Oh boy, because I already have 800+ icons I've made just with my limited bag of tricks (and the more I do, the more I realize just how limited my toolkit is. Especially when it comes to fonts!)

The Dawn & Tara icon I'm using is another one of my favorites of those I've made, but again it was one of those "made itself" icons. The "san carmen" effect in PB is one of my favorites.

this week is even worse, no ideas at all.

I'm at least inspired by the World on Fire challenge, but the Love for a Vampire challenge at slayerstillness this week? not so much (as in, at all.) And it's not that I don't love the characters, it's just that I don't feel the same inspiration.

I've been trying to make some Willow icons recently and I've noticed that it's a lot harder for me than with Buffy. I have made a ridiculous amount of Buffy icons, once I get going the ideas just flow, but with Willow, it's like I'm forcing myself. And she was the character I identified with most in the early seasons. Which is why I have a lot of respect for fans who do art or write fic about characters they wouldn't normally because they are not their favorites, and do it well.

Oh and you've got a buffy in afterlife icon - I've made a whole bunch of her from that episode. BREAK MY HEART INTO A MILLION LITTLE PIECES, WHY DON'CHA? Srsly - the beginning of S6 just breaks my heart for Buffy - all that horrible trauma and she tries to hide it and brush it aside for her friends sake, and to be able to function, and people get down on her for that? I cannot wrap my head around that.

The day I am able to handle a fraction of her trauma a tenth as well as she does.....

*ahem* Sorry, I got carried away by my Buffy-love.

I have slayerstillness in my f-list but I always forget to check their icontests. (oops)

Am I the only person who gets slayerstillness and otherworldlyrics confused? I did btvs_hush once and one time only; two icontest comms is more than I can probably handle.

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I WON AN AWARD AT THE OTHERWORLDLYRIC iCONTEST! (??) Icons, thinky-thoughts and my usual blather...

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Wednesday, March 5

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