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My lady-love and I are still camping in the front yard; hopefully we'll start the move into a new apartment on the 2nd (when the other tenants move out.) I put up a tarp over the tent to protect us from the rain BY MYSELF for the first time - and it's lasted just fine, thank you *pats self on back*

Counting blessings: Today I was finally able, after many hours of frustration, to get ahold of someone from the state Department of Social Services about some benefits I'd been receiving that had been cut off at the beginning of the month - and within an hour she determined that my benefits had been cut off without cause, and restored them. Every once in a while someone restores my faith in humanity.

Have been listening to some new-to-us cassette tapes while I clean house during the day in the aftermath of the fire. I cannot tell you HOW MUCH I've missed having internet access - to bitch, to snark, to squee, the whole nine fandom yards. Listening to music makes me feel at least a little human again, especially Joan Armatrading. I've played her over and over the last couple of days: "Me, Myself and I," "Willow" "Love and Affection" but especially "The Weakness in Me." She just hits the spot every time.

But today I put on Nanci Griffith's Lonestar State of Mind and during the last song "There's a Light Beyond the Woods (Mary Margaret)" I started sobbing and I have no idea why. Is it the notion of a life-long friendship since childhood which the song describes and which I've never experienced? The intense lonliness of this experience after the fire, even if I'm experiencing it with someone else? Disappointment at a life unlived (mine)?

Or perhaps my sweetie got it right when she said "Maybe it was just time to cry."

I miss being able to just check out and have a little fandom fun here on LJ to take my mind off things. And I miss chatting with my friends here and keeping up with everything that's going on. (People say LJ fandom is dead? Try going away from it for several days involuntarily then realizing the amount of stuff you'll never be able to catch up on - it doesn't looks so very dead from that perspective!) Oh well....This too shall pass.

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I am so glad that in the midst of all this chaos and trauma, good things like the restoration of your benefits have happened. *yay*

Gabrielle

I'm so sorry about all the trails you and your sweetie have to endure currently. *hugs* Hope you can move in on the 2nd and get thing heading back into the normal range. :)

LJ Fandom dead?? *Phish Tosh* I have heard nothing or refuse to hear about fandom death!

Oh yes, here's hoping for "normality" -whatever that means!

I have heard nothing or refuse to hear about fandom death!

Well if the RWSA awards are any indication, this fandom is indeed alive and well! (and I can't say enough good things about the work you did running them!)

*hugs*

and thank you so much..I am just glad that I am able to contribute to the fandom that I love :)

Thanks hon! I think I had my crying jag before I got my benefits sorted, so that probably had something to do with it! it was quite a relief (and I almost cried again after that but out of happiness!)

:Hugs: After all you guys have been through, like the song says, you can cry if you want to!

*hugs back*

Ah, I love Joan Armatrading! Love and Affection is one of my favorite songs ever (and I love the others you mention as well). I hope your situation is all sorted very soon. *hugs*

Thanks sweetie! And isn't Joan the best? I've been on a kick re: her music for several months so finding those cassettes was fantastic. WHY IS SHE NOT MORE FAMOUS? And she's still touring and recording!

I think you are allowed a few tears. Woman's right to cry for any reason at all. Glad there is light on your horizon. Take care. You'll be chatting again soon.

*lol* When I was in my twenties I used to be embarrassed by my tendency to cry "easily" but an acquaintance said "You just feel things deeply" (which sounds tons better than "emotionally unstable", no?) I do so deeply loathe the notion that women's tears represent hysteria, weakness, etc - if you can't feel, you're dead.

"You just feel things deeply" Precisely!

Tears are a natural thing for women. I learnt the truth of this when I was pregnant and still working. I had one of the the tech manager's in my office, actually giving him a bit of a dressing down, when I started crying, that is tears just started running down my face - no bloody reason, I wasn't at all emotional over what I was saying - had to say to him that the tears were nothing to do with him, just a side effect. Lol. What a drag. Though, looking back I wonder if it was junior not liking the conversation. :D

Though, looking back I wonder if it was junior not liking the conversation. :D

I'lll buy that - you were emoting for two!

I do know that some of my medical conditions lupus specifically (but also probaby in combo epilepsy and depression, neurological and bio-chemical stuff) gives me a predisposition to cry more easily at movies or stuff that isn't really emotional just like you described that time for you. It's too bad that the profession of "mourner" doesn't exist anymore. Didn't there used to be people in ancient Greece who could be hired for the task? I'd be so good at that. But this was just an out-and-out from the seat of my soul sobbing, and that's more unusual.

I do wonder - would men cry more often/openly if they were allowed to in our culture? (They have hormonal cycles every day as it turns out. Which means they shouldn't be allowed to negotiate peace treaties at certain times of the day!) I have a hard enough time doing it in front of other people and supposedly I'm "allowed"; what must it be like to have to shut off a part of oneself emotionally like that all the time? I think it gets sublimated into other things, like anger/rage.

It's too bad that the profession of "mourner" doesn't exist anymore. There was a 'Carry On' movie that had one of those - can't think which one, but it immediately popped in my head. And on that thought, we so need some 'Carry On' movies these days.

I think you have ample reasons for tears but I know what you are saying. I do feel sorry for men who aren't allowed, though it is more acceptable now but I also feel sorry for women because whilst it is acceptable to cry we are still judged over emotional when we do it. I cried quite easily when I was younger, still do a bit and I no longe worry what others might think. It is hard though, when one works in a man's world that's for sure.

I'm sure yo are correct about the redirection of emotions held in check all the time. It can't be good.

Oh I saw one of those Carry On films years ago, long before I knew they were a series (not a US thing obviously). I don't think it's the one you're referring to, it was a later one, with an early 19th century naval theme - "Carry On, Jack"? I think. I only remember one of the Mills sisters was in it (not Haley, the other one) and she looked scrumptious in a British naval officer's uniform *ahem* Pure silliness, and I'm sure half the jokes went over my head.

because whilst it is acceptable to cry we are still judged over emotional when we do it.

I don't know if you've read Phyllis Chisler's Women and Madness? It was published in the early 1970's and some of it is still very current and a lot of it very dated, but the descriptions of the symptoms of many mental illnesses/depression match the stereotypical PRO-scription for how women are supposed to behave - weepy, emotional, etc. So - damned if you don't behave like a "real woman" and damned if you don't.

I think today though, it has more to do with the fact that women and men are in the workplace together, are side by side and "competing" with each other (for raises, recognition etc) and women are expected to behave "more like men" (toughness) but still judged for being "unmanly".

And the opposite is true with men - we want men who are sensitive but watch how quickly insults like "faggot" "emasculated" come out when they are, even from educated women who claim to want sensitive men and really should know better.

There were so many 'Carry On's' - everyone absolutely silly and I loved them. The poms do have a quirky sense of humour and it sits well with Aussie's in general.

I think this day and age both sexes are royally screwing themselves as we reinvent us. I've no idea when the 'barefoot in the kitchen' thing started but I'm sure it is an industrial revolution thing. Prehistoric, hunter/gather, subsistence living - the woman had to work along side the man. Loads of animal species, it is a female that is the herd/pack leader. The male was there to fight off other males and procreate. And I'm sure the girls would have got together to hunt off undesirables anyway.

I remember reading a little story years ago about a little tribe somewhere in Africa where the women of the village got together and turned the necessity of making clay pots into a cottage industry and were bringing home the needed money while the men lay around drinking because they no longer hunted and they had not coped with the change of life style.

One day we will stop thinking that the other sex has unfair advantage and just get on with living together. One day....

I've no idea when the 'barefoot in the kitchen' thing started but I'm sure it is an industrial revolution thing.

Have you ever read volume 4 of "A History of Private Life"? I don't recommend it - it's dull, plodding, and badly translated from the French (took me forever to get through and I LOVE reading history), but the authors say exactly this, and use the Cadbury family (of chocolate fame) as an example - how families worked together, all the members contributed to the success of it, houses were above shops in the city in early 19th century etc - and then as Industrialization grew, so did the separations - successful middle class merchant families moved to "nice homes" in the suburbs, and so the wives were also separated from the family business. They became the "Angels of the household" and were supposed to be preserved from the dirtiness of the city and industry, "men's work."

Of course that was the middle class; this didn't apply to the poor and working classes - in early 20th century America, a daughter's income from the factory was the major suppliment to the father's income!

Loads of animal species, it is a female that is the herd/pack leader.

Wolves are an excellent example - and they are one of THE most family-oriented species on the planet (moreso than humans, perhaps!) every member plays a role in raising the young cubs.

A professor of mine in college pointed out that for humans, the term "hunter-gatherer societies" is wrong - it should be "gatherer-hunter"; women are responsible for the majority of the food supply for the tribe/clan.

Have not read "A History of Private Life". Glad to see it supports my theroy though and provides an explanation.

"Angels of the household" - love it, lol!

"gatherer-hunter" - yes, a much better label because it is true. But of course, man always comes before woman! :D

Actually it was Walter Pater who invented the term "Angel of the household" - a nice little theory that sounded as though they were praising the important role of women in the culture but in fact were putting them in their place - or rather, reminding them to stay in their place? This was the era of the first suffragette movement, as well as the first women going to college, gradually taking professions, etc.

Again, all middle-class women of course. The influential men of the period, the taste-makers, didn't give a whip about working class women. (Sojourner Truth's "Ain't I a Woman?" speech reflects the same idea.) Unless something happened like Jack the Ripper and then society went into hysterics - fearing for the ladies but not really caring about the prostitutes who were the actual victims.

But of course, man always comes before woman!

Fortunately I know many men for whom this isn't the case. The wheels are turning - I hope!

I guess 'Angel of the Household' is a little more upmarket than 'barefoot and pregnant, in the kitchen.' It would seem though, that woman has always mostly been the junior partner in the relationship and I would guess that is because men are physically stronger and for a long time strength was a great advantage to survival.

The poor or poorer have always been downtrodden - for as long as they've been in existence. I always thought the lovely justice for instance of cutting off a thief's hand/s, was a great reformer. Of course the person stealing bread was going to rush back into honest work. No wait - oops he couldn't.

The wheels are turning - but ever so slow. Many men put their women and children first but I think they always have.

It would seem though, that woman has always mostly been the junior partner in the relationship and I would guess that is because men are physically stronger and for a long time strength was a great advantage to survival.

But of course not always, and women bring many assets and advantages to it as well. And strength by itself doesn't explain all the ways that women have basically ceded control, power and ownership to men.

BTW- a biology professor of mine explained that the notion of men being the stronger gender is an error. In the womb, there are more males than females - say, 115 males to 105 females, but by the time of birth that number evens out. The genitalia of fetuses before sex differentiation is very similar to a woman's already, so male fetuses have to be more much altered in the womb in that way which is harder on their bodies, plus there are conditions (including color blindness) and diseases that attach themselves to that empty space in the Y chromosome. So males aren't born with as much advantage as we think.

I always thought the lovely justice for instance of cutting off a thief's hand/s, was a great reformer. Of course the person stealing bread was going to rush back into honest work. No wait - oops he couldn't.

Oh god yes! Debtors' prison is a similar idea (but a bit less permanent and horrible.)

My friend Kendra used to remind me of the biblical phrase "the poor shall always be with you." It's something we've both struggled with - both poverty and the modern tendency to despise the poor. The older idea was that people had a religious/moral duty and responsibility to others, but that's gone by the wayside in the age of Individualism. (me me me it's all about me and mine.)

But of course not always, and women bring many assets and advantages to it as well. And strength by itself doesn't explain all the ways that women have basically ceded control, power and ownership to men.

Agree. We don't actually need physical strength for much at all other than boxing and lifting something heavier than the legislated weights if we haven't got a forklift. I was referring to the good old days of spears and bows and arrows and endless war just for survival.

I think that strength does explain a long way why women cede power. I'm 5 foot 10. As soon as any of my younger brothers hit puberty I had mostly to avoid physical confrontations of any kind cos I physically was weaker. Should have learnt marshall arts, grin. But the thing is. unless a woman is trained in something, men are going to overpower you. That is scary. I've had taller men tower over me and push into my space. I know it's scary.

You're a mother with kids. You need food on the table or the rock or whatever. You're pregnant. You're not going to be able to run down that brontasaurus. There's a new hairy guy in the neighborhood, looking for a mate or just a good time. You're not going to be able to stop him clubbing you're kids over the head and dragging you off. You cede the power to your mate because you have to.

I'm not sure in what context your professor was speaking but it is a biological fact that the male of the species is physically stronger. The female of the species is stronger by dent of brain, biology, endurance. we control by cleverness. A herd of horses is led by an older mare. But the stallion could bowl her over if he really took a notion to it. Mind you he'd suffer for it.

I do suspect that feminists, in their continued head long rush to equality fail to realise that we are already superior to men, we already run the important stuff by the influence we have over our partners, and we are our own worst enemy. We have a very intelligent senior female politician here who is quite outspoken. She is of Asian descent and a lesbian. Every time she opens her mouth, I want to punch her. She is so aggressive, so snide and sarcastic. She wears pants suits and okay I almost always wear pants myself, but she is worse than a man. She is a woman acting like one. She dresses like one, she speaks like one and she comes across as an angry lesbian.

This is the problem of feminism for me. If you are jealous of someone and want what they have you become them. I do not want to be a man. They are so very limited. I'm happy to play a little of their game but mostly they are limited and are well suited to manipulation and being led.

And I'm getting off my low pony now and going out to feed the real ponies. Lol!

I think there is still very much an idea of the our moral duty to the poor - we just want someone else ie government, to do it and we do not want to be faced with it, because it sometimes makes us feel guilty that we have so much whilst they have so little and the secret fear that one day we might join them. Or something like that.

Modern media is wonderful. It's wonderful to know what is going on. But, as we know, modern media is manipulative and manipulated. History was written for us by the then version of modern media. Gotta wonder how much is embellishment for the sake of a good story and how much is simply made up because they didn't or couldn't do the research or they forgot or interpreted what happened. :D

Joan Armatrading is such a great singer.

I'm not surprised you needed a good cry. It can be very cathartic.

I know what you mean about LJ fandom not being as dead as people suppose. I was only away a few days a little while ago and I couldn't catch up.

*hugs*

I haven't cried like this for a while, either - the sort that just bubbles up from somewhere very deep inside of me type of cry.

And yes, Joan is just superb - and should be more famous. I think she's still recording and touring.

*hugs back*

These days I'm crying too listening some songs (In my case U2 and Damien Rice) for different reasons ... I can understand. Crying is a powerful expression and it releaves a lot of tension. *HUGS* Hope things get better soon for you!

*Bear hugs* Thank you sweetie! I hope things are better for you too!

I agree with everyone else. Sometimes having a good cry is cleansing and a way of moving forward. And I'm so pleased that you got your benefits back.

Thanks! I I feel weird referring to them as "my benefits" (even though I worked and paid taxes for decades damn it...) but it's harder for me to "come out of the closet" as someone who is receiving assistance than it was for me to come out as a lesbian (almost.) I can't tell you how they've saved my life in the last year, though. I'm super grateful for the help.

Getting that lady on the phone who actually went to bat for me was amazing.

Listen to your sweetie!

I'm glad you got one little piece of good news amidst all the trauma.

Hee! Sometimes my sweetie comes out with these little nuggest of wisdom that just take me by surprise and reminds me why I love her (and then she goes back to driving me up one side of the wall and down the other. That's life.)

Allllll the best to you! I just read what happened to you. Good thing you're alright (mostly), and yay! for victory over bureaucracy. ;)

Like a good tussle, a cry is good for the soul. :-)

Thank you muchly! And I have to say that "victory" is because of someone working in the bureaucracy - she told me she'd been at the job a long time, but she cared. She investigated and got back to me in minutes and fixed everything. It was so simple.

I know that people who work for "the state" in the US are overloaded and underfunded especially right now with the economy, but labrynthian rules don't help the situation! Still, any system is only as good as the people who participate in it. (As you well know!)

*hugs you tight*

It's perfectly okay for a song to make you sniffle and cry.

It's also perfectly okay to acknowledge that LJ fandom is still alive and well and I'm so glad to see that because there are so many awesome people around to keep it that way.

God all these hugs are so good for me! I do love hugs - I have my mom to thank for that! Thanks so much for the support sweetie.

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