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ETA: MORE PRETTY PICTURES! I'm incorrigible. Sue me.

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infinitewhale has posted a short but provocative meta about Buffy's dream in "Dead Things" and her own self-identification within the dream, briefly touching on the late-season Buffy & Willow parallels, and how Tara protects both women in OAFA. Hits my (bitter)sweet spot on about nine different levels. He was worried no one would want to read it, or that he couldn't write about the subject properly as a man. To which I say - nonsense, on both counts. If this fandom has reminded me of anything, it's that our shared humanity trumps gender differences unless we allow those differences to stand in our way. Also, meta like his allows me to talk about subjects of great interest to me, while still preserving my commitment to focus on the ladies here on my journal. (I'm sneaky that way.) ETA:

rebcake informed me this meta is f'locked. Oops. Sorry. Ask nicely to friend him and don't please embarrass me, kids (because I can manage that on my own just fine, thank you.)

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fray_adjacent12 was inspired by recent conversations between myself and

kikimay re: the Summers sisters and the women of the 'verse, to create a new set of female-centric icons, including the scene from "Family" that I've grabbed, lots of lovely Tara-centric icons, Dawn, Faith, Buffy in S7.

kikimay confessed that the phrase "not in blood but in bond" comes from ~~Thor/Loki movie fandom.~~ a track by composer Hans Zimmerman for the Sherlock Holmes movie soundtrack. (Ugh) Too late, kiddo, it belongs to OUR fandom now. The Buffyverse's chosen families rule everything.

Off-topic but I feel like saying it anyway: Amber is such a gorgeous woman, isn't she? Every time I watch her in the show I think it's too bad no one in the costume department knew what to do with the body of a goddess, damn it. (There, I said it.)

Fray has also posted her very first poll (yay!) in the service of Buffyverse evangelism: "If you were trying to introduce someone to BtVS and only had 2-3 episodes to show them, what would you choose?" Personally, I went with option #1 - start with WTTH and proceed chronologically. Not that I'd try to influence your answer or anything.

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*** Speaking of Tara, polls, and OAFA (yes, I did; weren't you paying attention?)

mcjulie posted her OAFA episode poll. Two things to keep in mind: Tara, in all her gentle AND badass glory, and...Clem! Everybody in fandom loves Clem! Love the comics, hate the comics, early-seasons fan, late-seasons lover, what-have-you: he's the one thing in the 'verse that we can all happily agree upon. World peace is at hand. You're welcome.

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eilowyn is wondering if anyone would be interested in a meta she's working on re: Buffy and trauma. I say HELL YES - but that's just me. The post is f'locked btw but if you're not friends with her ask nicely, because she's worth getting to know.

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Latest news! The expression "Not in Blood but in Bond" doesn't even belong to the Thor fandom (Even if it's freaking perfect for Thor and Loki and nobody can't say differently) but it's the title of a Hans Zimmer's track. Here you can listen it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTTHMHq3JMU I did my research! :D

Amber is such a gorgeous woman, isn't she? Every time I watch her in the show I think it's too bad no one in the costume department knew what to do with a real woman's curves.

RIGHT? But maybe it was for the character. I mean, I think that Tara, especially in her pre-Willow period, wasn't really aware of her own sexyness and so she dressed that way. But, yes, mostly costume department. *glares at the OMWF dress*

Hooray for research! Ironic that it's from a movie I haven't and never would go to see in a million years. Unless you paid me and asked nicely, which obviously isn't going to happen.

I mean, I think that Tara, especially in her pre-Willow period, wasn't really aware of her own sexyness and so she dressed that way.

Well there are a lot of contradictions to Tara; fandom calls her "shy", which she is, but she's the one who pursues Willow, not the other way around. I've always assumed she's already been with at least one woman or like me, had an early awareness of sexual orientation that preceded actual sexual experience. Maybe she's like many lesbians who kissed their best girlfriend, who then denied it ever happened afterwards. We don't know.

Point is, I think that many times her clothes are more flattering in S4 than in S5. She looks lovely in Who are you; if anything her clothes seem to get worse - could they have come up with an uglier hairstyle and outfit than the one she has for most of Tabula Rasa? And she looks ok in OAFA, until she turns around and you see the back of her blouse and it doesn't even fit properly - it's hugging her torso too tightly. Ugh.

*glares at the OMWF dress*

I actually kind of - I don't know if I want to say "like it", but it reminds me of a dress my sweetie had, that pseudo-medieval sort that was in vogue in the 90's for a while; (Tara's is actually much nicer than my sweetie's was). I shouldn't have looked good on my partner but it showed off her breasts in that just-right way. And I have a thing for historical clothing, so I like the bodice.

Mainly though I think it suits the mood of the episode at that point - all lightness and fantasy until the walls come crumbling down; it has a satirical effect, and "Under your spell" is a satire of Disney cartoon musical numbers (and old-school movie musicals), with a terrible, dark underbelly. Tara still has an idealized ideal of Willow, which Willow is trying to maintain.

And I think the colors of the dress slightly echo the outfit she wears in the first part of Buffy's dream in Restless "Be back before Dawn"? I'd have to double check.

Well there are a lot of contradictions to Tara; fandom calls her "shy", which she is, but she's the one who pursues Willow, not the other way around. I've always assumed she's already been with at least one woman or like me, had an early awareness of sexual orientation that preceded actual sexual experience. Maybe she's like many lesbians who kissed their best girlfriend, who then denied it ever happened afterwards. We don't know.

Nice observation! I didn't really think about it. I also felt like she was super sure about her sexuality but I don't know if it's something about experience or just knowing.

Yeah, mostly it's bad dressing for Amber (But I think that it was also bad dressing for Sarah in the first three seasons) But, you know, the bright side is that the characters feel much more realistic. They aren't the ultra classy people they pass for teenagers nowadays - always dress properly and perfectly. The hair gives false hope to regular teenagers - and people, for the matter.

I also liked the bodice in OMWF - I mean, Tara has really great breasts - but ultimately I dislike the dress, I think it depends on the color or the texture. While I adore Willow's pink one with the red shoes. Quoting Anya: "It's so beautiful! I wish it was mine!"

Nice observation! I didn't really think about it. I also felt like she was super sure about her sexuality but I don't know if it's something about experience or just knowing.

Well it's like

rahirah said the other day, we know next to nothing about her. So it's a lot of guesswork. I think part of the reason I've started writing Tara-centric meta is that very fact, but also I think there's a lot of assumptions about her I see repeated in fandom that are taken as gospel but I'm not sure are true. We can't say definitely anything about Tara's knowledge/experience prior to Willow. And I can say from experience that as a lesbian I have been attracted to straight women and vice versa (the first two women I fell in love with were straight), and I know it's true of other people as well. It might not have anything to do with Tara having a well-honed "dyke detector" but simply being attracted to Willow, period. But the fact that Tara approaches Willow points to the fact that she's had some experience or knowledge in terms of living with the self-identification as lesbian. (I came out more than five years before I was in a relationship, but straight friends would ask me "How do you know you're a lesbian if you've never had sex?" I'd turn it around, "How did you know you were straight before you had sex?")

And at least when I was coming out 20 years ago, approaching someone of the same gender in that way was a HUGE risk, moreso than the usual risk of flirting with someone and getting rejected. You were outing yourself, and so it was dangerous. So for someone so "lacking in confidence", Tara's a pretty big risk-taker and very courageous IMO.

Have you ever seen the fanvid by BadWolf about Tara's childhood? She uses clips from other movies like Practical Magic, and it works surprisingly well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcRDwljpC00 The first 28 seconds are "opening credits" and after that the vid starts for real.

But I think that it was also bad dressing for Sarah in the first three seasons

Make it four? some of the outfits and accessories in S4 just make me shake my head. It's not until S5 that she becomes really "elegant", as

blackfrancine described her. (Barring the pimp coat in OAFA of course. And that pink satin blouse after Riley left.)

The hair gives false hope to regular teenagers - and people, for the matter.

Does it? I'm not so sure. Sarah said she was proud of the fact that Buffy "wasn't the prettiest girl", and I think the women on the show are not as idealized as I've seen on some other shows, but still thinner, prettier etc than the norm. There are no truly plain girls or women.

While I adore Willow's pink one with the red shoes.

The dress not so much but the shoes? Yes. I have a kink for the sort of modified louis or edwardian heel she wears on her shoes in OMWF, TWoTH, STSP. I guess Aly is a shoe hound because her clothes are "bleh" on HIMYM (IMO) but she almost always has very stylish shoes or thigh-high boots.

Maybe Willow was making feel Tara comfortable. I feel like they both connected in a deep level and that helped with their mutual insicurities. I don't mean it like in a idealized romantic bangelian way, but in a more pratical one of people slowly knowing and liking each others. But yes, all your points are totally valid and I also saw Tara as a shy person but certainly she has some strong roots unlike many other characters and we know/consider very little about that. I kinda don't buy the all-angsty childhood for that reason: because Tara is also strong at her core. Because of her mother? Because of other people influences? I feel like she knew pain but also love and goodness.

Make it four? some of the outfits and accessories in S4 just make me shake my head. It's not until S5 that she becomes really "elegant", as blackfrancine described her. (Barring the pimp coat in OAFA of course. And that pink satin blouse after Riley left.)

I agree. She became more sophisticated in the latest seasons. (But I love the pink blouse! I mean, I wouldn't wear it but she looked so good with it!) I love the cherries dresses - I have a major kink for the cherries dresses - in S4 and how she seemed young and happy even through her fashion choices. I love some Willow's shirts in that season, like the one she wears in Doomed.

I agree that the actresses are generally much more pretty than regular people - and the hair! The hair is always so perfect. It can't be real - but the dresses aren't impossible. I mean, look at Gossip Girl. That really gives a totally false perception of teenage girls. (I don't watch GG but I saw sometimes promos and stuff)

Maybe Willow was making feel Tara comfortable.

I think I understand what you're getting at, could you explain a bit more? It's complicated because of problems with censorship restrictions at the time, so the show has to play it close to the vest.

Having someone pay attention to you is the biggest turn-on in the world - and not necessarily sexual/romantic relationships, but any sort - friendships etc. We tend to blossom under it, esp if we've not received much of it before or don't have a strong and healthy sense of self. (I'm guessing on that last point - I wouldn't know a "strong and healthy sense of self" if it made sweet love to me.)

Buffy and Willow in WTTH and Willow and Tara both parallel and reverse each other; in both instances, someone else pays attention to Willow, they recognize her as special, as worth noticing; the difference in her confidence at each point shows in her reactions. She's utterly astonished by buffy's first overtures; in Hush she'd noticed Tara, and is still taken aback by her overtures but much less so. Plus there's the additional sexual/romantic element there. Does Willow have the same "spiritual" (chemical/hormonal) attraction to Tara at the end of Hush, or does that come later?

That is, I think they help one another to be more confident, but their growing confidence, or moreso Willow's especially, comes at the cost of Buffy's gradually eroding self-confidence over the course of the series.

I don't mean it like in a idealized romantic bangelian way, but in a more pratical one of people slowly knowing and liking each others.

It's a bit of both, I think. There definitely is an idealized, romantic element - the handfasting in Hush and Tara's statement "no you're very special", or "I am you know - your's" and "I trust you" in WAY. And they barely even know each other at that point- they've just met. So there is something very realistic to me about their early relationship, in that way we "fall in love" and then start to deal with the reality of the other person when the veil of the "honeymoon phase" has lifted. (TL, ATW, TR) You see this other person through the haze of hormonal attraction, what you want and need, you idealize them and try to present an idealized version of yourself. That's very normal, especially for first loves, and it's what Buffy and Angel do prior to the soul-bomb. Willow and Tara don't get to "suck face" on camera in S4 (damn American cultural mores and network censorship), but it's clearly a sexual relationship and not just a romantic one pretty early (WAY, NMR). And we see that in Buffy/Riley as well - Buffy overlooking the fact that he was very patronizing to her in Doomed and getting into a romantic relationship with him; him not realizing what being the Slayer really means in real life terms.

but there is also the practical element that you mention; I think there is some of that in Bangel as well, although it's easy to overlook it because the romance dominates the story. had Angel not had his soul bomb, etc, - or Riley his identity crisis - I think Buffy might have eventually broken up with them anyway but could continue to have been friends.

I love some Willow's shirts in that season, like the one she wears in Doomed.

I kind of liked Willow's outfits in S4 but apparently that's a minority view? I thought she looked pretty but still eccentric and very much herself; it was a relief when she dropped the more childish attire from earlier seasons. (the infantilizing yellow jumper in Phases, for instance, which is also very symbolic of the fear of stepping into adult sexuality with Oz.) I also liked her rose velour dress in Enemies when she's going face-to-face with Faith; the dress in OMWF sort of reminds me of it.

Oh and I have never seen Gilmore girls, even promos. teen dramas are not my thing at all, which is part of the reason I didn't watch Buffy for so long, I'm sure.

I kinda don't buy the all-angsty childhood for that reason:

But Family is very very clear that she had a very strict, controlling and rigid father, in a region/family in which rigid and old-fashioned gender and familial roles were upheld. I don't recall if religion is mentioned but they read as "southern fundamentalists" or somesuch thing. (Damn you Joss and your outdated southern "redneck" stereotypes. There are plenty of "rednecks" in the north, let me tell you.)

So yes, angsty - I think that's as clear even if there wasn't any physical abuse, there was definitely shaming - Tara learned to be ashamed of herself, of something at her core that couldn't be fixed. Buffy, Faith, all the SG have something of the same. Shame about who they are, not what they've done, something that can't be fixed.

because Tara is also strong at her core. Because of her mother? Because of other people influences? I feel like she knew pain but also love and goodness.

But it's not either/or. Buffy and Tara both have loving mothers who are their emotional source, the women who teach their daughters how to love. But they aren't perfect: Joyce's anger at Giles and Buffy's slayerhood is mostly swallowed down, only to pop back up when under the influence of alchohol/drugs or a spell (gingerbread), or misdirected (Dead Man's Party). Tara's mother never leaves the situation she's in, never takes her daughter away from it, and is only able to leave by dying. There are probably reasons - economics, sickness, her training that you have to "stand by your man" etc. But she gives tara the strength to leave.

So they're flawed but loving women who model love to their daughters however imperfectly, and that's something that links Buffy and Tara, and why it seems appropriate that Buffy & Dawn name Tara "family" and Tara returns the favor on several levels, becoming close to both of them.

I think I identify with both of them on that level because I had a very angsty childhood - I know you've read my Ted meta - but also a very loving mother for all her flaws. We endured years of physical and emotional abuse but I'm not afraid to touch, to hug, to be emotionally intimate with someone because I had that foundation from my mom.

I think I identify with both of them on that level because I had a very angsty childhood - I know you've read my Ted meta - but also a very loving mother for all her flaws. We endured years of physical and emotional abuse but I'm not afraid to touch, to hug, to be emotionally intimate with someone because I had that foundation from my mom.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant when I wrote not *all* angsty. There was a positive even if flawed role model. A source of love and compassion in all that chaos and despair and that is very, very important especially for a kid. And, yes, I think that Tara's childhood is extremely tragic because of her family but she took pleasure and a definition of love from her mother. Imagine Tara without that. I don't think she would have been strong to the core on the same level. Take Willow for example: her parents aren't abusive but they are both negative examples. And, of course, I'm not saying in anyway that Willow's childhood was more angsty than Tara. I just mean that she didn't have a positive role model to look foward to and that's why Buffy is so important in her life.

I think I understand what you're getting at, could you explain a bit more? It's complicated because of problems with censorship restrictions at the time, so the show has to play it close to the vest.

I really can't explain it rationally. I feel like it's about instinct and also knowing a person and building mutual trust. Of course, there's the sexual component and the irrational component - I feel like you're special. But you just meet me. Shhh, I feel it. - But we see Tara and Willow talking a lot and getting closer as they explore their common interests and passions. (And okay, spells mean sex but for a moment imagine that spells mean "interests in common") So there is something other that just attraction, it's really about getting along and sharing similar opinions/interests. So they build this safe space for them. And, of course, there are flaws but I guess it's understandable.

I kind of liked Willow's outfits in S4 but apparently that's a minority view?

I also liked her S4 outfits. She was somehow eccentric and very ironic - the funny shirts! - but she was comfortable and cute. Plus great haircut.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant when I wrote not *all* angsty. There was a positive even if flawed role model. A source of love and compassion in all that chaos and despair and that is very, very important especially for a kid

Oh yes, I understand what you mean now. the opposite of that of course is that there are murderers and psychopaths who had two perfectly loving parents and a stable home. (You buy your ticket, you take your chances.)

Take Willow for example: her parents aren't abusive but they are both negative examples. And, of course, I'm not saying in anyway that Willow's childhood was more angsty than Tara. I just mean that she didn't have a positive role model to look foward to and that's why Buffy is so important in her life.

THIS. Exactly this. Neglect is also a form of (passive) abuse, and dysfunctional families come in all price ranges. And I think you're absolutely right about Buffy's importance: she sees Willow, notices her as a person, not a member of a demographic group or an abstraction as Sheila Rosenberg does; Willow's growing confidence in herself is mostly because of her role in the Scooby gang, because of the value and status that gives her as well as Buffy's friendship and intimacy. It sure as hell doesn't come from Xander!

And okay, spells mean sex but for a moment imagine that spells mean "interests in common"

Holy roman fuck you just blew my mind with that. that's a brilliant interpretation.

So there is something other that just attraction, it's really about getting along and sharing similar opinions/interests. So they build this safe space for them.

Oh yes, that's one of the things one does going into a relationship - explore common interests, have long conversations etc. but it's also accompanied by handwaving away or ignoring things that will become a problem later; or being drawn to certain qualities about them that become irritating over time. Again, it's not either/or in terms of attraction vs commonalities.

For instance, it's very complicated with Willow and Tara - each one would probably like to be mothered (loved) by the other, each one is looking to the other to do the mothering (getting needs met that hadn't been in childhood.) Willow probably loves tara's earth-mother qualities, her softness and nurturing - something Sheila didn't have - but OTOH, now that Willow's begun to claim greater status for herself, she's not about to become the "bottom" in the relationship, the submissive one as she was with her mother. Whether she's aware of it or not - and I doubt that she is consciously - her template for adult womanhood is her mother, a dominating personality.

Conversely, Willow is capable of great, motherly tenderness, esp after Tara is tortured by Glory in TL; and Tara doesn't really want to be submissive the way she was with her father again. But she can also be rigid and dogmatic in her thinking the way her father was. (Someone else in fandom pointed this out to me so it's not original to me.) Her ideas that you shouldn't try to raise the dead because it violates tradition, for example, is much like her families' conservative "things are done this way because they've always been done this way." Part of growing up and maturing is figuring out what we believe - NOT because our parents told us to think a certain way but because we've reasoned it out and experienced for ourselves why certain things are right or wrong; we have to develop our own ethical reasoning.

It really is a fascinating dynamic that deserves closer attention than I think it generally gets.

I also liked her S4 outfits. She was somehow eccentric and very ironic - the funny shirts! - but she was comfortable and cute. Plus great haircut.

I was looking at some screencaps from Hush and holy cats was she cute in that episode.

Well, the OMWF dress had to disguise the harness they used to make her float, so I forgive it.

had to disguise the harness they used to make her float

A harness? Oh - duh, right? That never even occurred to me.

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