red_satin_doll: (Chosen One - purple)
red_satin_doll ([personal profile] red_satin_doll) wrote2013-03-15 08:35 pm

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 2 x 11: "Ted"


Originally posted at the Jossverse Big Damn Love Fest: http://big-damn-fest.dreamwidth.org/3818.html


RUNNER-UP: Best Meta (Not Fade Away) category of the Wicked Awards Round 10
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***
Warning and Disclaimer: I have thoughts - and a lot of feelings - about "Ted".  This is quite serious, and more than a little personal; some very triggery subjects will be discussed. I’m not kidding. If this isn't your thing, by all means feel free to hit the back button right now, and no hard feelings.  If you chose to continue otherwise, considered yourself welcome as well as forewarned. But please leave your weapons at the threshhold before you come in. Then wipe your feet on the mat, and help yourself to cookies.  (Or hot cocoa with extra marshmallows.) Also, I apologize for the formatting but LJ is being very disobedient tonight.

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And then there's the simple truth that when you engage in violence, accidents happen. We aren't robots. We can't turn off and turn on with the flip of a switch--and if we could, then we'd be okay with murdering people to gain our own ends. That fact that Buffy's violence is motivated by love is essential; it is both dark and light--she dances on the razor edge and she only has her instincts to guide her. - [livejournal.com profile] angearia
http://2maggie2.livejournal.com/33960.html

***
In 1958 Lana Turner’s 14 year-old daughter Cheryl Crane stabs her mother’s boyfriend to death, allegedly in an effort to protect her mother.  (The man, Johnny Stompanato, had gang connections and a history of violence behind him.)  The court rules it justifiable homicide.


***


Thirty years later another teenage girl, oldest of four siblings, reads about Cheryl Crane, admires Crane’s courage, and wonders if she would be able to do the same, if the need arose. Her (second) stepfather is a large and powerful man; her mom is barely 5’3”.  Would a baseball bat be sufficient?  A kitchen knife? She decides on a rusty WW1-era bayonet and hides it by her bed. Her mom finds it and removes it without a word.


***


In the end, it’s unnecessary anyway; her mom divorces her husband and her daughter can breathe again, a little, and home becomes a safe place to be for the first time in years. It’s not that the girl wanted to hurt her stepfather.  She knows that would be a horrific act; she also knows that there are people out there, other girls, for whom such things are unimaginable.  But she’s been surrounded by violence her entire life, and so it’s not off the table. What is unimaginable in all her dark reveries, risking death for the sake of her family, is the notion of defending  herself from her stepfather. Not once does that occur to her.
***
In 2012 the same girl, now a woman, finally watches Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the first time. She enjoys the cleverness and subversion of the “high school is hell” metaphors, the witty dialogue, the genre tropes and subversions. She is entertained and amused, even moved at times, but she doesn’t really identify with the pretty, perky ex-cheerleader at the center of the story.  It doesn’t really touch her own experiences, and isn’t remotely scary, even when Buffy goes down to meet her death at the hands of the Master for the first time. (There are a total of seven seasons, after all; ergo, nothing to worry about.)


***


And then the woman watches “Ted” and for a few moments, she is terrified - for Buffy, and for the girl who hid a bayonet by her bed all those years ago. Memories she’s (thought she’s made) made peace with and packed away tumble out unbidden, like an overstuffed dresser drawer.  She knows that her experience is not identical to Buffy’s, after all, and there’s a relief in that; the girl she once was couldn’t fight back, couldn’t protect her herself much less her family, and never even dared to protest or sass back; Buffy can, and does. She has resources that girl of long ago, and most abused children, can never dream of - confidence, physical strength, strength of character and will, resourcefulness, as well as devoted friends who come to her aid.


***


But Buffy Summers is just a girl, after all, a 16 year old girl operating on instinct. She’s been given a “license to kill” (demons) and almost zero guidance in how to use it.  The Watchers’ Council cares nothing for her welfare, or for the countless girls who have preceded her; what matters is that the Slayer does her job properly and follows the arcane rules imposed upon her, traditions handed down through the centuries.
BuffyFrightened_Ted_LJ_300pixels
Ted Buchanan, as it turns out, would make an ideal Watcher by the Council’s standards, barring his use of physical violence, and even that’s not a sure thing. After all, the original Shadowmen chained a girl and forced the power of the demon upon her; the Watchers' Council may be more “civilized” on the surface, but they uphold a terrible tradition. The Slayer is used, discarded and replaced when she rebels or no longer suits the councils needs. Surely more personal abuse and violations of Slayers by individual Watchers is not beyond the pale.


***


Likewise Ted demands obedience from a string of women, discarding and destroying them when they disobey him or are no longer useful. How many Slayers throughout time have come before Buffy (later Kendra and Faith)? How many other people has Ted hurt or killed, women who wouldn’t follow the program, in addition to the four wives in his closet?  The Watcher’s Council and Ted both operate within closed systems; they may allow minor changes and adjustments so long as the original paradigm is preserved.


***
Of course Buffy defeats Ted, motivated not just by her Slayer instincts but the instincts of a daughter and friend to protect the people she loves. She’s the Hero, after all. And yet she suffers for her actions; social ostracization, guilt, and shame. Heros may not end up in court charged with justifiable homicide but there are still consequences to bear. (There are always consequences.)


***


Or at least there are if the Hero is a teenage girl. Violence from men is so common as to be unremarkable; violent acts committed by women are still considered shocking. It’s no accident that at the end of the episode Buffy and Joyce agree to a rewatch of Thelma and Louise, a movie that disturbed and polarize audiences because two female protagonists commit violent acts against male characters onscreen; the same violence by male protagonists is a commonplace in movies, and a guarantee of box office sales.


***


So Buffy succeeds but at a cost.  Her mother is safe but heartbroken and terribly lonely, unable to even look her daughter in the eye. Whatever her personal animosity towards Ted, much of it justifiable in light of his behavior, the last thing on earth Buffy ever wanted to do was to hurt her mother. The bond between them, one that suffered fissures long before “Ted Buchanan” came into their lives, is further damaged.  And yet they love one another, deeply, no one questions that, and there’s the rub.  The anger and love are warped and woven into one another so tightly that what poisons their bond also strengthens it.


***


And so it is with her best friends, with her mentor, with everyone who comes within her circle. Violence begets violence. It stains and spoils everything it touches; it cannot be put back into a tidy little box, locked up and tossed away.  We can atone for it but we cannot undo it.


***


But this a fictional story and in fiction, unlike real life, there must be some catharsis for the viewer, a chance to release the anxieties the story has provoked, to relax and breathe again. And so it is for the characters themselves, or at least it seems at the moment.  The episode ends happily, one might say conventionally, enough. More dramatically than the story of girl with the bayonet, perhaps (real life has no resolutions, remember); but Buffy and her mother come to an uneasy, unspoken peace on the back porch, their home (women’s space) reclaimed, and they can breathe again, for a time. Rupert Giles and Jenny Calender share a passionate kiss for the first time, Xander and Cordelia giggle while Buffy averts her eyes. It’s an ending worthy of Shakespearean comedy: All’s well that ends well.
JoyceGiles_Kiss_Ted_Cropped_LJ.Brknscrncps

Except, of course, that we’ve seen the entire series, and we know too much. The moments that made us smile and cheer when we first watched are painful now. (Not as painful as the memory of that bayonet and all it represented, but certainly poignant.) The characters onscreen have the luxury of perpetual innocence; they can’t know yet that Buffy will hesitate to kill her lover and it will cost Jenny her life, and Giles his only chance at love; that Buffy will eventually run a sword through her lover’s heart. The truth of Buffy’s calling will be forced upon Joyce at the worst possible hour and their relationship will be very nearly destroyed.


***


Much has been made of Buffy’s “daddy issues”,  at the cost of the complex mother/daughter relationship, and so scholars and fandom inadvertently repeat the sins of Ted Buchanan, and of the Watchers Council.  We forget, dismiss or overlook the fact that it always comes back to this: the love between a girl trying to grow up in an uncertain and frightening world, and a lonely mother so deeply in denial she cannot see what’s in plain sight before her eyes.


***


And Ted’s fingerprints (do robots have fingerprints?) can be found in the final hours of Buffy’s story when Giles and “General Buffy” and their friends represent the last vestigal traces of the WC, haunted by ghosts and locked into a closed and destructive paradigm. Violence begets violence.


***


In 2012, Buffy became my Hero - by which I mean my fictional hero, my avatar, as opposed to real life heros such as my mother.  (Make no mistake - in her capacity to love and endure, I consider my mother heroic.) My brothers grew up with Spiderman and Batman and Hans Solo; with countless tales of soldiers and kings throughout the ages. I had to wait until I was in my 40’s to find her.


***


Was it worth it the wait? Yes, it most certainly was. Yet I can’t help feel a little wistful that Buffy Summers wasn’t around in the 1970's or 1980’s; I certainly would have loved her then as I do now, if perhaps for different reasons. I can hope that in the years since that at least one other girl or boy, etched with anger and violence, haunted by dreams of murder that are so common as to be unremarkable, has felt just a little less frightened and alone because of her.

[personal profile] kikimay 2013-03-16 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad that that girl didn't have to use her weapon but I really can understand her desire to do it. I think she was really really strong to just survive and become an intelligent and free person. And, yes, I felt also shocked when I read many comments in the ex Buffymaniac, now Serialmente, in which everyone is upset about Buffy's violent reaction and no one is upset about Ted's abusive behaviour. I wish that all the girls in this world could react as Buffy did because sometimes it's really about surviving, especially when a man hits you. So yes, the audience overlooked Ted and overlooked abusive men in BtVS mostly because I believe that we overlook them in RL. We are so used to them that we forget.
I loved the meta and I loved Angearia's quote at the beginning - so perfect - and I'm sending you a big bear hug. Because of reasons.

[identity profile] norwie2010.livejournal.com 2013-03-16 04:33 am (UTC)(link)
You made me tear up....

Much has been made of Buffy’s “daddy issues”, at the cost of the complex mother/daughter relationship, and so scholars and fandom inadvertently repeat the sins of Ted, and of the Watchers Council.

This. So, so this! The WC personified by Giles tries to break up the matriarchal home of the Summers women, in fact, he tries to replace Buffy's mother with himself. And while he loves Buffy, he does not love her unconditionally - he tries to shape her in ways which benefit his agenda, the ideology he stands for; as opposed to Joyce Summers, who - while sometimes confused - loves her daughter wholly. There is some aspect of proprietary love - or 'love' as a special expression of ownership - vs a mother's love here. And, yes - fandom, critics, whathaveyou are all too dismissive of the female relationship (and not only this mother-daughter relationship!) and put overly focused importance on Buffy's relationships with (various) men.

Thanks for writing this! And all the very best to you! :-)

Friday March 15th, 2013

[identity profile] livejournal.livejournal.com 2013-03-16 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
User [livejournal.com profile] audela referenced to your post from Friday March 15th, 2013 (http://su-herald.livejournal.com/643083.html) saying: [...] has thoughts about Ted [...]
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[personal profile] snowpuppies (from livejournal.com) 2013-03-16 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
Wow. Beautifully done, and you highlight something that really encompasses not only Ted, but the series as a whole - there is something for everyone. Something that touches us, speaks to us, resonates in our lives. It's the reason that people are still hanging onto this fandom after so many years.

In a way, your story reminds me how I feel about The Body, which I think it truly my favorite episode. Although my grandmother didn't pass suddenly like Joyce, the bright and raw pain, the shock, the gaping hole created in the character's lives so closely echoes what I feel, even years later, when I think about my grandmother. And that's why it speaks to me. And I cry every time I watch it, and actually usually enjoy doing so.

Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts.

[identity profile] ever-neutral.livejournal.com 2013-03-16 08:55 am (UTC)(link)
I love everything about this post.

It’s no accident that at the end of the episode Buffy and Joyce agree to a rewatch of Thelma and Louise, a movie that disturbed and polarize audiences because two female protagonists commit violent acts against male characters onscreen; the same violence by male protagonists is a commonplace in movies, and a guarantee of box office sales.
Oh wow, I completely forgot about this part in the episode. What a brilliant catch. ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES FOR A REASON. <<<333

And yeah, I don't understand how anyone could possibly watch "Ted" and not sympathize with Buffy. I mean, how UNACCEPTABLE for a woman to fight back against her abuser with everything she has. SMH.

In conclusion: You speak to my soul. And thank you especially for sharing your personal experiences -- I can imagine that must have been incredibly difficult, but it's definitely appreciated, especially by those of us who have also grown up in abusive homes. {hugs}

♥ ♥ ♥

[identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com 2013-03-16 02:59 pm (UTC)(link)
This was marvelous!

I really enjoyed that you talked not just about "Ted," but about "BtVS" as a whole.

I also want to thank you for sharing your story.

[identity profile] mcjulie.livejournal.com 2013-03-16 03:42 pm (UTC)(link)
What a great post!

I'm sorry that you ever had to suffer in a violent household, and glad things got better.

I think I mentioned this in the late Season 5 polls, but I think fans don't always understand how important Buffy's mother is to her, because she's never been important to the fans in the same way. But their relationship always rang really true to me. Joyce is a lot cooler than my mom, and my parents never split up, but I still feel like I get their relationship. Mom is young and pretty enough to sometimes seem like she's competing with you on your territory. Mom loves you, but she doesn't understand you at all. She tries to lay down the law sometimes, because she thinks that's what good parents do, but it's always at the worst possible time in the worst possible way. Sometimes she screws up seriously. Sometimes she'll even admit to screwing up. But in the end, you love each other, and you're there for each other.

I actually like this episode quite a bit -- it's clumsy in places, but the central metaphor (Mom is dating a creepy, abusive, deceptive sociopath and I'm the only one who seems to see it) works for me.

The mini golf scene rings particularly true -- she gets bored, so she cheats to put a quicker end to things, the guy catches her and displays his Norman Bates side, and later Mom is laughing, "he caught you cheating, didn't he?" and right there you can so easily imagine the version of the story he told Mom. Everyone wants to think "the truth lies somewhere in the middle" -- liars know how to take advantage of this.

Ted is an early exploration of some of the themes that will come back later in the Warren/Buffybot storyline -- I don't know if the association between robots and misogyny is a deliberate reprise, or just where the creative team's minds tended to go. Joss is just a bit older than I am, and I like to imagine him growing up watching The Bionic Woman with its "fembots."

[identity profile] itsnotmymind.livejournal.com 2013-03-16 03:53 pm (UTC)(link)
Excellent post. Very compelling. Thank you for sharing your story.
shapinglight: (Default)

[personal profile] shapinglight 2013-03-16 06:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you for sharing.

Ted is not a favourite ep of mine by any means. I always want to shout at Joyce, "Don't you see what he's doing?" I think it's the one time in the entire show she really lets me down, even though her wanting what Ted appears to be offering is quite understandable.

Joyce is my avatar, you see. Probably because when I first saw the show, I had daughters approaching Buffy's age.

[identity profile] beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com 2013-03-16 09:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you for posting this - both for sharing, and for the brilliant meta. I love the way you tie this into the bigger themes of the series - the explicit parallel between Ted using and using up women and the WC doing the same honestly never struck me, at least not this blatantly.

Violence from men is so common as to be unremarkable; violent acts committed by women are still considered shocking.

Oh yes. (I'm reminded of the extreme reaction last year when there was a one-woman performance of the SCUM Manifesto on stage here in Stockholm; the reaction it received from a lot of men who were apparently thoroughly freaked out by even hearing about it was... depressing to say the least.) I think there's an interesting commentary within "Ted" on the notion of women using violence; even the cops immediately assume that Buffy must have hit back ("Things get outta hand. He's a big guy.") Even when faced with evidence of women being able to fight, it's assumed that they are the objects of violence, capable of fighting back when you put them in a corner but never having agency over their stories. In a lot of ways, "Ted" is a classical horror movie with Buffy as "final girl" - Buffy viewed through the lens that Ted and the cops use. The violence isn't just physical.

their home (women’s space) reclaimed

I'm still not sure what to make of the fact that Buffy kills Ted with a frying pan. It's either awesome or cringeworthy.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Hugs if you want them.
(deleted comment) (Show 1 comment)

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/mazal_/ 2013-03-17 02:02 am (UTC)(link)

Definitely an excellent post pointing out some incisive parallels.

This may seem a bit prosaic by comparison, but I also think the character Ted can be thought of as one more in a long list of "bad dad" figures we see in both BtVS and in A:ts

I love Joss for that, and I would really like to know where it comes from.

[identity profile] infinitewhale.livejournal.com 2013-03-17 02:02 pm (UTC)(link)

Very interesting piece of analysis. I have to admit I'd never given much thought to Ted in this context before, but now that you point it out, it does seem rather blatant, particularly the Ted/Council stuff.

[identity profile] comlodge.livejournal.com 2013-03-17 09:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Childhood horrors. How they shape, ruin, direct, challenge our entire adult lives, leaving hauntings that lay supposedly dormant that jump out from time to time and yell boo, frighten then run away for a little while. Never gone, untalked so fester quietly, sometimes not so. Parents so badly needed, sometimes so badly wanted but not.

You made me cry, made me remember, made them say boo.

[identity profile] eilowyn.livejournal.com 2013-03-17 11:29 pm (UTC)(link)
This is tragic, but almost lyrical in the way you not only wrote it, but how you presented it. For a girl to seriously contemplate striking out at a dangerous stepfather is not something you hear of often, but you do hear of it.

******SPOILERS FOR LOST BELOW. SKIP TO THE BOTTOM ASTERISKS TO AVOID******

This is Kate Austen's story. I'm doing a Lost re-watch right now, and when I read your meta she was the first character who came to mind. We first meet Kate when she sews up a gash in Jack's side with a nervousness that will later seem foreign to her. By the end of the first three episodes, we know she is a fugitive, and that the U.S. Marshall who was bringing her back from the States had "Don't trust her! She's dangerous!" as his dying words. It isn't until episode 2.09 that we finally learn what Kate did, why she always runs, and why she's always so weary, manipulating situations out of caution rather than malice. She's the girl who finally did turn on a bad stepfather, and her mother is the one who turned her in after Kate killed him. These two wounds are carried by the character until the final episode. In flashbacks, flash forwards, and the flash-sideways that come in season 6, the wariness of someone who had to take it upon herself to be proactive when her mother wouldn't lays heavy on her.

*****

Check out Lost. I think you'll find some familiarity in the story of Kate Austen, who, like Cheryl Crane, took fatal action against a man who mistreated her mother.

I haven't seen Ted in a long time, but to me it was always the episode with the guy from Three's Company, not a cathartic recognition of the self as a child. I don't envy you your experiences, but I admire your willingness to share them.

[identity profile] angearia.livejournal.com 2013-03-18 06:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much for letting me know about this meta. I've been out of touch with fandom of late, so I'm so grateful to have read this. Your writing here -- it's beautiful and brave and powerful. It left me shaking with emotion.

In 2012, Buffy became my Hero - by which I mean my fictional hero, my avatar, as opposed to real life heros such as my mother. (Make no mistake - in her capacity to love and endure, I consider my mother heroic.) My brothers grew up with Spiderman and Batman and Hans Solo; with countless tales of soldiers and kings throughout the ages. I had to wait until I was in my 40’s to find her.

This. So much this. Beautiful. Seeing how much you love Buffy just brings it all back to me even stronger. Thank you. ♥

[identity profile] the-royal-anna.livejournal.com 2013-03-23 01:02 pm (UTC)(link)
This is beautiful. You've gone down into the dark tangle of issues surrounding this episode, and shone a searing light through that it illuminates everything with a vivid, vital clarity. Ted and the watchers' council; Buffy and what it means to live with "death is your gift"; violence begetting violence and the Buffy/Joyce relationship - all of these themes have set my head a-buzzing. And the Buffy who makes me look at life and say, "I can do this": she is a Buffy I know well, and have needed, often.

You've told this with such elegance and emotional truth. Thank you so much for sharing.

[identity profile] local-max.livejournal.com 2013-03-23 09:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for pimping this and I should have read this earlier. This is really strong and does get at what I think the episode is "about." Violence begets violence -- and it's hard to know where that all stops. I love the description of the episode's ending as "Shakespearean comedy" -- everyone is happy, and Buffy's surrogate father gets himself a partner Buffy likes, but who is *still* going to 'betray' Buffy (depending on how you read Jenny's not saying what little she knows), and who is then going to die.

I am really glad you shared your personal story here -- it must have been difficult but I appreciate it.

You know, I think that when it comes to Buffy-Joyce stories, this and "Dead Man's Party" are in a similar category -- in that both episodes have an intruder come into the Buffy-Joyce dynamic to shake it up. In DMP, it's Pat who comes in and who eventually has to be slain. What makes that episode interesting is how quickly Pat is literally demonized (or, you know, made a zombie queen, I guess) so that the woman who threatens the Joyce-Buffy bond can be removed. And on the one hand, that says something real -- Pat was "the bad guy" in that she encouraged Joyce's fears about Buffy to blossom and in her condescension pushed Buffy away. But she was also the only friend her mother had. I'm not a woman and I never had an abusive stepfather and I can't really speak from experience what Ted was like. But it's scary to have the only person in your life (a mother) have someone else they can rely on and feels like a threat. It's hard to know when those threats are to one's parent, and when they are threats to 'you'.

[identity profile] pocochina.livejournal.com 2013-03-24 05:56 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for sharing this post. Buffy helps a lot of us slay our own demons, I think.

As we know, I'm very supportive of Buffy in Ted, and I think I've only gotten more so as time has gone on. I've never read The Gift of Fear, but I've read about it more than once in context of people - particularly women - being socialized to ignore our instincts about when people are threats.

In this case - Slaying being empowerment - Buffy's better at picking up and acting on threats. She'd be able to hear Ted's absence of heartbeat. Not metaphorically, but literally. Once they started to fight, she'd realize he wasn't being slowed down by her blows. And then she's pretty perceptive - she picks up on his gaslighting, even if she doesn't know what to call it; she knows her friends are acting strangely even if she can't pinpoint the roofie-cookies. Even the purely emotional stuff that gets chalked up to jealousy, like her skepticism about Ted moving in too fast, actually hits the nail on the head with some red flags for abuse. And the fact that Buffy could fight back against it says a lot about what being a fighter all this time has done for her, in that she could react in a way lots of people can't against such an intimate threat. Buffy knows, and the World According to The Patriarchy Ted keeps telling her she's just being a silly girl.

And so I find discussion that revolves around condemnation of Buffy to be kind of a hall of mirrors? This episode demonstrates a heroine breaking through that socialization. And then we all step in and police her response that saved her own life from someone - monster or human - who had just tried to kill her. And this is how we lose the gift of fear.

Ted Buchanan, as it turns out, would make an ideal Watcher by the WC’s standards, barring his use of physical violence, and even that’s not a sure thing.

YES. BtVS continuously looks at patriarchal institutions, and Ted (and Angel) are the opening act for the Council and eventually the First. Like we find out in S5 of AtS the Council actually builds its own Ted, and fandom's reaction to that episode versus this one are IMO very interesting.

(I'm hoping to come back tomorrow and read through the comments because they look fascinating!)
elisi: Edwin and Charles (Just a girl by kathyh)

[personal profile] elisi 2013-04-11 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
This is amazing, thank you so much for sharing. <3

[identity profile] clockwork-hart1.livejournal.com 2013-10-29 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
This is silencing. I'm speechless.

You've written this with the raw emotion that only someone who's felt this - been here - can evoke. You've done it beautifully.

This is Joyce, and Buffy, and this is me and my mother and this is love. And it's family, and it's perfection. The resonance this one, often belittled and ignored episode throughout not only the series, but the character's (and viewers) lives is stunning, and something I've never considered before.

Though, the first, IMMEDIATE thing that sprang to mind was that flash, in the end of Chosen, where that girl stands up and catches the hand raised to hit her.

That's the little girl with the shotgun.

That's Buffy.

That's my friend, who's no longer with us.

And that girl is ready to stand up.

we know too much

This is almost the whole series to me. I can't watch it with those innocent, blissfully innocent eyes ever again. I can't see Giles and Jenny kiss without seeing Angelus snap her neck, I can't watch Willow and Tara make up without hearing "Your shirt" and the sound of a body hitting the ground. But, I can watch Buffy and Joyce hug, again and again (Anne, in particular, springs to mind), knowing that that's love. Sure, the world will cave in, the worst will come to pass. But that love, no matter how skewed and torn and bloodied it may become, will never diminish.

Thank you, my dear. This was wonderful, and painful, and true.

Round 10 Results are In: Check it out and Celebrate with Us!

[identity profile] livejournal.livejournal.com 2013-10-31 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
User [livejournal.com profile] spankedbyspike referenced to your post from Round 10 Results are In: Check it out and Celebrate with Us! (http://wicked-awards.livejournal.com/37238.html) saying: [...] by Runner Up: Buffy the Vampire Slayer 2x11 Ted [...]

[identity profile] dragonyphoenix.livejournal.com 2013-11-01 03:00 am (UTC)(link)
violent acts committed by women are still considered shocking. As I read this line I immediately thought of Thelma and Louise and how men, who watch all kinds of movie where cars and trucks are blown up, totally freaked when the two women blew up that truck. And then you mentioned Thelma and Louise; I have to admit “Ted” is one of my least favorite episodes so I'd forgotten they watched that movie at the end, but it's a great touch.

My brothers grew up with Spiderman and Batman and Hans Solo; with countless tales of soldiers and kings throughout the ages. I had to wait until I was in my 40’s to find her. Awwwww. *hug?*

As I was reading through the comments I started to wonder about parallels between Ted's trying to kill Buffy and Spike trying to rape her. I honestly don't know the show well enough to form the kind of coherent comments you do but I have flashes of violence: Ted and Buffy, Spike and Buffy, Xander as the hyena, the zoo guy with the knife at Willow's throat. Now how about female physical violence. I don't believe or recall that we ever see Joyce being physically violent. Willow almost destroyed the world with magic. There's Buffy attacking Ted (justified) and also Spike after being pulled out of heaven. Faith killing the assistant Mayor. Buffy (in Faith's body) getting out of the hands of the Council guys. So male power can express itself in unjustified physical violence while female power can express itself (more often) in justified violence (if you're superpowered) or magic. That reflects what society allows. I recall reading about an African women, feeling powerless within her home life, who took up magic and became a medicine woman as a way to have her own power base. Of course even justified violence isn't “allowed” for women.

Once when I was at a womens' martial art's conference and was walking between classes, a group of us heard a scream. It was something of a city layout, Chicago I think. The black belt women were looking around, obviously thinking about stepping in if they could figure out what was going on. For all that male martial artists use their skills for “good” in the movies, I'm not sure how many men would react the same way.

Wow. Okay. I don't know where all that came from. Anyway I'd be interested on your thoughts about who is allowed to use what kind of violence or power on the show or in real life.
lookingforoctober: (Default)

[personal profile] lookingforoctober (from livejournal.com) 2013-11-02 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, it turns out that I hadn't read this.

Wow. Very powerfully written.

[identity profile] joans-journal.livejournal.com 2013-12-20 01:53 am (UTC)(link)
Wow, this is really terrific, especially this bit:

"So Buffy succeeds but at a cost.  Her mother is safe but heartbroken and terribly lonely, unable to even look her daughter in the eye. Whatever her personal animosity towards Ted, much of it justifiable in light of his behavior, the last thing on earth Buffy ever wanted to do was to hurt her mother. The bond between them, one that suffered fissures long before “Ted Buchanan” came into their lives, is further damaged.  And yet they love one another, deeply, no one questions that, and there’s the rub.  The anger and love are warped and woven into one another so tightly that what poisons their bond also strengthens it."

There is always a cost when Buffy succeeds. Sometimes the loss is worse than other times. People almost always seen to make light of "Ted"- but you're right to discuss it in a serious manner. It was a very serious episode. You're right, Buffy does, time and time again, wound her mother, mostly as a result of her behavior, but this is the first time in which Buffy's slayer actions affect her mother directly. Joyce forgives her, obviously, but this is just another example of how being a Slayer poisons the lives of those close to her.

"We forget, dismiss or overlook the fact that it always comes back to this: the love between a girl trying to grow up in an uncertain and frightening world, and a lonely mother so deeply in denial she cannot see what’s in plain sight before her eyes."

Yes, that is what it always comes back too, isn't it? Buffy's mother represents the overall metaphor of well-meaning adults oblivious to their children's plights, and the struggles they face: Sunnydale rests on Hellmouth, but no one will believe it. It's always PCP, not vampires, right? Joyce never truly understood what hard Buffy's life was as a Slayer, she never understood how dangerous it was, because Buffy wouldn't let her understand. But keeping Joyce in the dark perhaps made it more dangerous for her.

And you're right - much is said about Buffy's "daddy issues" but not much is said about her relationship with her mother, who is almost universally loved by the fandom (although I have seen some argue that she was a bad mother).

Great meta. Thanks for sharing.

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