It's quite ON tangent, actually, and I find myself repeating that point a lot - perhaps too often in my metas and comments elsewhere.
It seems to be inherent in humans - probably all animals, and I know there are plenty of sociological studies out there - that we make assumptions with strangers and new places or situations. It's supposedly the outgrowth of our having to learn "lion dangerous, bunny dangerous (unless you're Anya)" etc. It's a survival tactic that's still useful BUT I find the same thing occurs with people who are supposed to know me, and I know I do the same in kind.(I did it to someone on LJ yesterday, actually) But yes, with myself and EVERY person I know who has self-identified as having dealt with depression (themselves or someone else close to them), I hear the same thing: "You are....You just need to...You're not." And ALWAYS from a spouse, significant other, family member in those specific instances.
I used to think it was just guys trying to overlay their picture of ideal womanhood or something. It made things very simple.
Definitely not limited to guys. Off-tangent here: lesbian relationships are not as "different" from straight ones as some people would like to believe (including married women who fantasize about being with a woman in a romantic way because they think that "other women are so understanding." That, my friends, is horsehooey.)
(The blank could be anything. "Likes canned vegetables" was one. Huh?)
WTF? I just - there are no words for that. I'm glad you see that for the condescending and insulting shit that is (unless the person really means something else by it but is EXTREMELY bad with expressing themselves but I don't see how that could be interpreted any other way. And the recipient of the message is the one who gets to decide if it's insulting or not, regardless of intent.) Because I know there are people - men and women out there - who would simply take it because they don't think they deserve any better.
I have to wonder how someone who seems to know me so well could get it so wrong.
I wonder if you've seen a pattern with your friend of lacking sympathy/empathy, or being unable to connect to others in some way? Or again, projection - she has feelings for this person and can't imagine why anyone else wouldn't feel the same? I've been there, I think - love makes us do the wacky.
I have/had a friend, someone very intelligent and wise in many ways, and certainly not homophobic as far as I could see, who informed me that she was CERTAIN that after my current relationship was over, I would end up with (or seek out) a man for my next partner. I suppose that's not beyond the realm of possibility but again with the Huh? Why would she make that assumption. 'tis a mystery.
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It seems to be inherent in humans - probably all animals, and I know there are plenty of sociological studies out there - that we make assumptions with strangers and new places or situations. It's supposedly the outgrowth of our having to learn "lion dangerous, bunny dangerous (unless you're Anya)" etc. It's a survival tactic that's still useful BUT I find the same thing occurs with people who are supposed to know me, and I know I do the same in kind.(I did it to someone on LJ yesterday, actually) But yes, with myself and EVERY person I know who has self-identified as having dealt with depression (themselves or someone else close to them), I hear the same thing: "You are....You just need to...You're not." And ALWAYS from a spouse, significant other, family member in those specific instances.
I used to think it was just guys trying to overlay their picture of ideal womanhood or something. It made things very simple.
Definitely not limited to guys. Off-tangent here: lesbian relationships are not as "different" from straight ones as some people would like to believe (including married women who fantasize about being with a woman in a romantic way because they think that "other women are so understanding." That, my friends, is horsehooey.)
(The blank could be anything. "Likes canned vegetables" was one. Huh?)
WTF? I just - there are no words for that. I'm glad you see that for the condescending and insulting shit that is (unless the person really means something else by it but is EXTREMELY bad with expressing themselves but I don't see how that could be interpreted any other way. And the recipient of the message is the one who gets to decide if it's insulting or not, regardless of intent.)
Because I know there are people - men and women out there - who would simply take it because they don't think they deserve any better.
I have to wonder how someone who seems to know me so well could get it so wrong.
I wonder if you've seen a pattern with your friend of lacking sympathy/empathy, or being unable to connect to others in some way? Or again, projection - she has feelings for this person and can't imagine why anyone else wouldn't feel the same? I've been there, I think - love makes us do the wacky.
I have/had a friend, someone very intelligent and wise in many ways, and certainly not homophobic as far as I could see, who informed me that she was CERTAIN that after my current relationship was over, I would end up with (or seek out) a man for my next partner. I suppose that's not beyond the realm of possibility but again with the Huh? Why would she make that assumption. 'tis a mystery.