I don't have any problem with shippers. I love them I think they are cute.

I have A GIANT PROBLEM with fandom IGNORING female characters for the sake of "which GUY is BETTER" debates that are completely pointless.

I think your thoughts about shipping being a part of one's identity are beautiful.

But as a deconstructionist myself, I'd also really like fandom to start questioning WHY there is a division between Spuffy and Bangel fans, instead of holding so tightly to that division. Right now, it's not creating a positive fandom experience.

And quite frankly, these dialogue ignore the female character at the apex of them, while decrying that everything is about her.

Bangel vs. Spuffy is about Angel vs. Spike

And quite frankly, I don't care. I care about Buffy. I care about Elena. And Bo and Allison and Lydia and Zoe and Lemon and all the ladies.

... but I'm still wondering why the crowning definition in fandom isn't "Buffy stan" it's "Spuffy shipper" ... because I'd prefer a space where the former exceeds the latter.

THIS THIS THIS ALL OF THIS - and you just wrote my effin' meta FOR ME, Kelsey, thank you very much!

I'm not "anti-shipper" - shipping isn't the primary lens by which I view the series, it's one of many.

I'm not against any one shipping character A with characters x, y and/or z. Ship whomever you like. Write a good, plausible story that doesn't bash the female character - that doesn't bash anyone for the sake of your favorite - and I'm good. Love who you love.

I'm AGAINST all the things you call out. Period.

And the patterns are the same across the board with all factions of shipping - and every group of shippers thinks the others are wrong and completely different to themselves. And that isn't the case at all.

It certainly isn't exclusive to Bangels and Spuffies. You want to see some genuine meanness towards Buffy? Read some non-canon ship fics: Buffy/Giles, Buffy/Xander. There are exceptions but by and large those fics exist not because the writer likes both characters, but because "that bitch didn't pay enough attention to/wasn't nice enough to my favorite guy. I'll fix that!"

My solution? Don't read those fics, back out of them when I see it coming, support authors who write things I enjoy - that are balanced and truthful and fair to both partners because they are genuinely interested in both - IT CAN BE DONE.

And keep writing & talking about the characters I love - keep the focus on who and what I love : Buffy, Joyce, Tara, Dawn, the interelationships of female characters, parent-child dynamics, what have you. If I love Buffy then I need to pay attention to all of her relationships, not reduce her to the dimestore novel romantic heroine she never was.