I wonder if most people in fandom being themselves mothers or daughters makes the relationship a little less appealing, because it's too close to home?

But don't most fans also have fathers too? And aren't a good many hetero women? *lol* But there's not the same resistance. It could be that the otherness of the father is what makes it appealing? In other words, I don't think you're wrong at all - but the gender aspect and how we prioritize men (shiny!) can't be ignored either.

Buffy and Joyce's relationship is certainly nothing like my relationship with my mother, that's all I have to say.

THAT I completely understand. Just as there are things that are completely foreign to my own experience so - something either speaks to you or it doesn't.

But with all of this in consideration I'm still at a loss as to WHY Joyce is so reviled if not ignored.