Sweetie, my dyke detector has gone off at women who wear makeup and heels. Hell, I still have long hair and wear jewelry and long skirts. (Makeup and heels not so much anymore.) I loved confounding people in college because they were shocked that I was a lesbian because I didn't look like one.
It's really a sort of intangible thing, an intuitive sense about somebody, you know? Conversely, some of the most "butch" women I've ever met in my life have been married self-identified heterosexual women. It should be noted however that nearly every lesbian I have ever met over the age of 40 at one time identified as straight because of societal pressures and the lack of awareness that there was such as thing as "lesbianism."
So, it can be confusing and I make mistakes esp with women because yes, we are more "fluid" in our sexuality than men in many instances. And it's more ok for us to be "androgynous" than it is for men - to a degree. Just not TOO masculine (think of Maggie Walsh in btvs - if she's not coded "butch" then I'll eat my hatpin.)
In this case I just had a feeling about Ellen I can't quantify.
With celebrities and people in the public eye, an additional clue is a lack of a partner, mention of a boyfriend or girlfriend etc (look how long the media has maintained a discreet silence about Jodie Foster's partner, or Lily Tomlin's.) Most celebrities are hounded about who they are dating, who they are married to, etc etc - the media love that stuff.
When I was in my teens I was watching an episode of Oprah with Johnny Mathis, who was a famed singer of romantic ballads for decades by that time. And not once did she ask him about a partner, spouse etc. Whereas when she had Tom Cruise on a few weeks earlier she grilled him very hard about his new wife Nicole Kidman, really poking to get information. And I realized that Mathis was gay.
It's a double-edged sword because our silence does not in reality make us safe.
no subject
It's really a sort of intangible thing, an intuitive sense about somebody, you know? Conversely, some of the most "butch" women I've ever met in my life have been married self-identified heterosexual women. It should be noted however that nearly every lesbian I have ever met over the age of 40 at one time identified as straight because of societal pressures and the lack of awareness that there was such as thing as "lesbianism."
So, it can be confusing and I make mistakes esp with women because yes, we are more "fluid" in our sexuality than men in many instances. And it's more ok for us to be "androgynous" than it is for men - to a degree. Just not TOO masculine (think of Maggie Walsh in btvs - if she's not coded "butch" then I'll eat my hatpin.)
In this case I just had a feeling about Ellen I can't quantify.
With celebrities and people in the public eye, an additional clue is a lack of a partner, mention of a boyfriend or girlfriend etc (look how long the media has maintained a discreet silence about Jodie Foster's partner, or Lily Tomlin's.) Most celebrities are hounded about who they are dating, who they are married to, etc etc - the media love that stuff.
When I was in my teens I was watching an episode of Oprah with Johnny Mathis, who was a famed singer of romantic ballads for decades by that time. And not once did she ask him about a partner, spouse etc. Whereas when she had Tom Cruise on a few weeks earlier she grilled him very hard about his new wife Nicole Kidman, really poking to get information. And I realized that Mathis was gay.
It's a double-edged sword because our silence does not in reality make us safe.