I think it was in character for Buffy to accept Riley's assessment. She blames herself. That's the sort of person that she is.
That is a very good point, and you're right - I rewatched I Only Have Eyes for You, and realized that whole episode is about Buffy seeking forgiveness for what she did to Angel (never mind that she could NOT have known what would happen - unlike James, the spirit inhabiting her, who goes to the school with a gun to pursue Grace; he may not have had conscious intent to kill, but there is no way you can point a gun at another person without already being aware of the possibility of harm. But that's OT)
I also rewatched "Doomed", S4, and I wrote a little about it in the thread in my previous post, so I'll cut and paste it here because I think it fits (I wish I had remembered the scene before I wrote this meta):
there's a scene where Riley point blank calls Buffy "stupid", self-centered, etc for rejecting trying a relationship with him and not giving him a chance; and that if she sees people and her life in a negative life that's what she's going to get back. I know there's truth to what he says but the WAY he does it, when he knows nothing of the circumstances and hardly knows her (which she calls him on, btw) really bothered me. He was being patronizing, belittling, shaming her for her feelings, and essentially telling her that she was wrong not to give him a chance. Because, you know, he's a great guy, and she SHOULD do what he wants. By the end of Doomed he's rewarded with a kiss and her opening herself up to him. I find that extremely objectionable.
Short version, I don't think it's OOC for her to blame herself (and again, my meta would have been improved by rewatching IOHEFY and Doomed beforehand); but I still think there is a shift in her thinking in that regard; being afraid to get into a relationship and open oneself up again is not quite the same thing as seeing oneself as unable to love or lacking in love. Perhaps it's more along a contiuum?
they aren't in control of her feelings. You can't blame them for her feelings. And yet they both behaved badly, and she was hurt badly by it. It's a very tricky thing.
It is a tricky thing, but her feelings - and certainly her behavior - changes 180 degrees in response to Xander's speech IMO. And I can hold them responsible for their actions, which I find objectionable at best (Xander) and repulsive at worst (Riley going to vamp whores then blaming Buffy for his actions.) I've said a little more about this downthread in response to eilowyn, but I can agree to disagree on this.
But weirdly, it also feels kind of realistic for me--because in real life, the loose ends don't get tied up neatly, and figuring out who is right and how is wrong is never simple.
no subject
That is a very good point, and you're right - I rewatched I Only Have Eyes for You, and realized that whole episode is about Buffy seeking forgiveness for what she did to Angel (never mind that she could NOT have known what would happen - unlike James, the spirit inhabiting her, who goes to the school with a gun to pursue Grace; he may not have had conscious intent to kill, but there is no way you can point a gun at another person without already being aware of the possibility of harm. But that's OT)
I also rewatched "Doomed", S4, and I wrote a little about it in the thread in my previous post, so I'll cut and paste it here because I think it fits (I wish I had remembered the scene before I wrote this meta):
there's a scene where Riley point blank calls Buffy "stupid", self-centered, etc for rejecting trying a relationship with him and not giving him a chance; and that if she sees people and her life in a negative life that's what she's going to get back. I know there's truth to what he says but the WAY he does it, when he knows nothing of the circumstances and hardly knows her (which she calls him on, btw) really bothered me. He was being patronizing, belittling, shaming her for her feelings, and essentially telling her that she was wrong not to give him a chance. Because, you know, he's a great guy, and she SHOULD do what he wants. By the end of Doomed he's rewarded with a kiss and her opening herself up to him. I find that extremely objectionable.
Short version, I don't think it's OOC for her to blame herself (and again, my meta would have been improved by rewatching IOHEFY and Doomed beforehand); but I still think there is a shift in her thinking in that regard; being afraid to get into a relationship and open oneself up again is not quite the same thing as seeing oneself as unable to love or lacking in love. Perhaps it's more along a contiuum?
they aren't in control of her feelings. You can't blame them for her feelings. And yet they both behaved badly, and she was hurt badly by it. It's a very tricky thing.
It is a tricky thing, but her feelings - and certainly her behavior - changes 180 degrees in response to Xander's speech IMO. And I can hold them responsible for their actions, which I find objectionable at best (Xander) and repulsive at worst (Riley going to vamp whores then blaming Buffy for his actions.) I've said a little more about this downthread in response to eilowyn, but I can agree to disagree on this.
But weirdly, it also feels kind of realistic for me--because in real life, the loose ends don't get tied up neatly, and figuring out who is right and how is wrong is never simple.
ABSOLUTELY.