red_satin_doll: (Default)

Please stay safe!

Everyone be good to one another and I don't mean in a "pretend to be nice to each other's face while you're screaming inside" kind of way.  (IF someone is screaming in your face, however, do what you need to do to take care of yourself.)

I plan on attending the Sister march in Rhode Island as I can't go to D.C. (my fault for waiting too long to make up my mind. But Providence is cool.)

I haven't been able to write partly because of my part time seasonal job and partly because - I haven't known where to begin (rage, grief, etc.) And not just because of Carrie Fisher, Debbie Reynolds and George Michael. (At some point I'll talk about that stuff too.)

With all the news about Russia lately and it's ownership of LJ and it's ties to the incoming adminstration that I've blithely ignored until recently,* I've copied my LJ posts over to my Dreamwidth account. But I haven't mastered formatting over there (mostly, how to do cut tags properly. So I've got these long threads over there and it's still a mess.)

Crossposted to LiveJournal:
red_satin_doll: (Chosen One - purple)
FYI - This may be a bit ramble-y and incoherent; I can't tell. I had my first epidural for a back injury today, so if this is a mess, blame the steroids.  I know I will.

"I think there's a mythology that if you want to change the world, you have to be sainted, like Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela or Archbishop Tutu.  Ordinary people with lives that go up and down and around in circles can still contribute to change." -- Jody Williams (activist, Nobel Prize winner, quoted in Time Magazine, 03/25/13)

I read this today and was reminded of something either [ profile] the_royal_anna or [ profile] angearia wrote about Buffy, in particular S6.  I feel a bit embarrassed that I can't find the quote or remember which one of them said it.  I wouldn't confuse their writing styles when I see them set side-by-side, but their essays, musings and observations both occupy the a similar space in my mind when it comes to Buffy fandom: lyrical, deeply personal, optimistic, compassionate, perceptive and even joyous.  It's a space I need to return to when I get too caught up in the snark, irony, anger, and disatissfaction  - in fandom, in the verse, and in RL; the space that reminds me why I fell in love with the Buffyverse, and Buffy Summers, to begin with.

The observation I have in mind was how S6, and the really the show itself, was a reminded that ordinary people can achieve extraordinary things, even in the midst of great travail and despite pain and difficulties. *

And that's part of the reason why Buffy is My Hero, and why I love the Buffyverse** : Willow and Spike and Xander, Anya and Tara, Giles and Joyce and Dawn, and the rest.*** Because their mistakes do not completely define who they are, but become a part of who they are, inseparable from the moments they get it completely "right". But then again it's rarely as simple or easy as that, otherwise there would be no struggle; all we'd have to do to get from point A to point B would be to follow a handy little  roadmap. And we can define point A to point B as "childhood to maturity",  "ignorance to insight" "from morning until night",  "conflict to resolution".

That's something I need to keep reminding myself, especially when I feel particularly "small" and yes, even worthless.  When I feel as though my mistakes and failures - what I didn't achieve, who I didn't become - dominate my sense of "self". They're all I can see in and of myself, and I'm certain they're all anyone else sees.  When I forget, in the moments of doubt or self-recrimination, or hopelessness, that  there were moments that came before that, and that will come afterwards. That this too, shall pass.  Just as before, just as it always has.

* My apologies to the author herself for the incredibly clumsy and botched attempt to paraphrase an extraordinarily eloquent sentence. And forgetting who the author is to start with.

**Yes, that includes Kennedy. In fact, I'm starting to think she's genuinely awesome in her own way.

***Except for Angel and Riley. Feel sympathy for them at times?  Of course.  Love?  Nope, not feeling it.  The heart doesn't want what it doesn't want.

red_satin_doll: (Showtime)
The first time I watched "Anne" a few months back (which I apparently enjoy more than the general fandom does?  With possible exception of [ profile] norwie2010, I dare say) I remember seeing a blink-and-you'll miss it image of Buffy with a hammer and sickle and thought "Did I just see what I thought I saw?"

Some Buffy-love and one my favorite images of the Slayer after the cut... )
red_satin_doll: (Come What May outtake)

So if you remember the Anya for President post I did a few weeks back you may have an idea of what my mood has been this election cycle, which is somewhere in the neighborhood of "don't give a shit".  (The fact that I could joke about a fictional character as prez, something I've never done before, and then actually considered writing in her name on the ballot just for the hell of it, tells the tale.)  And I've always given a shit, even if it was in a ragey sort of way ("How dare you make outright promises about gay marriage, court the gay vote, and then sign DOMA, Clinton. You could have vetoed it, you could have let it sit on your desk and die, but no. Oh, AND Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Damn you and the horse you rode in on.) 

Ok, I'm still smarting over that one.  Moving on...

On to some happy thoughts... )

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