red_satin_doll: (Max Max Furiosa b/w anguish blend)
Trying to teach myself PS CC is sometimes fun and sometimes sends me screaming into the night. As in last night, trying to correct a photograph of a rose I wanted to have printed and just muffing it up horribly. *le sigh*

The various "sharpen" functions are ones I have not mastered yet at all.  I'm sure I'll love it when I master it but I'm at that stage I was when I transitioned from Photobucket to ipiccy a couple of years ago: "I just want to do this, I just want my little slider bar back, where is the eraser so I can selectively apply this effect?" etc etc etc.  That said I do LOVELOVEOVE the fun effects with fonts - especially drop shadows, contouring and glow effects.

This morning I had a little more luck inmproving contrast, brightness, color, warmth etc on a photo I took yesterday of flowers behind the garage, but it still feels like I'm in the "beginner's luck" stage. I didn't even attempt to sharpen either of these, btw. Baby steps, baby steps.....

red_satin_doll: (Kendra the Vampire Slayer What's My Line)
Voting for Challenge 66 of [livejournal.com profile] slayerstillness is up right NOW - and once again I have been absolutely abysmal at participation lately. (Which is dumb because I have all sorts of flower textures and imagery that I could have drawn on.) But if I didn't enter I can at least vote and encourage y'all to to do the same.

And voting for Round 17 of [livejournal.com profile] btvsats20in20 is also up NOW, and this one I did participate in, with delays. And I have to say I'm pretty happy with my set. It's not showy, the icons are more "naturalistic" but I'm happy with how they came out. But I think "naturalistic" is a pretty good description of the entries overall by [livejournal.com profile] sweet_lyri, [livejournal.com profile] emmatheslayer, [livejournal.com profile] vanishingspirit and [livejournal.com profile] crazycordy .The icons are "subtle" and "unshowy" in the best way, because it really forced me to stop and look at them, to pay attention to the details. And I love that. There's a lot of "there there" but you're not being stabbed in the eye with it.  No desperate "Look at me, look at me!" but rather an assured, "Oh, there you are. Yes, come in."

Don't forget there are three separate voting posts: 10 THEMES, CATEGORY SETS, and ARTISTS CHOICE SET


Question: Is it weird that I am willing to pimp the heck out of voting for icontests here (even ones I don't participate in) but never got onto LJ once to promote voting for La'Porsha Renae in American Idol?  I did that on facebook and it was like, I wanted to keep my fandoms separate? Or - I don't know. It was a learning experience. I never watched the show before and thank god it's over, I wouldn't want to do that again. Sheesh. The partisanship, the anger, the racial and sexual slurs, the nonsensical rationalizations...it all made buffyverse fan wars feel like a cakewalk in comparison.

PS to
[livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip : I see you over there voting!  *lol*
red_satin_doll: (Kendra the Vampire Slayer What's My Line)
Don't mind me, I'm just a little numb right now.



This is my first time ever paying attention to American Idol so I reserve the right to the full experience -
post-finale conspiracy theories, grief and mourning, the whole nine yards.
red_satin_doll: (Buffy Casablanca Poster v1 poppy wreath)
So, I'm not feeling "Christmassy" this year, at all. But I do wish everyone a peaceful day and a peaceful season. Whatever you celebrate. (I was raised Catholic, I've been pagan, now I'm atheist, and I have friends all across the spectrum.)

[livejournal.com profile] dragonyphoenix asked me a while back to do some graphics for part 3 of her buffyverse/potterverse crossover fic "The Letters" (Severus Snape/Anya, Cordelia). It was the first time I've been commissioned to make fanart without having read the story first.  Dragony told me exactly what text she wanted to see on the graphics, including the brilliantly funny RSVP from Cordy.

[livejournal.com profile] sparrow2000 posted an amazing end-of-the-year fic rec list; some I've enjoyed, a good many others I've missed and must make amends for that. Because all the stories sound wonderful (and she hasn't steered me wrong yet.) She was also kind enough to name-check me and my artwork on the list! Thank you very much, I'm honored!

I will end up doing a recap of the year here in fandom in the near future but I want to say "THANK YOU" to the folks who have been so incredibly supportive of me in my growth and struggles this year. Special thanks and love to [livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip for her guidance, friendship and for being in my corner.

I have to admit I'm glad 2015 is almost over.

And finally - I've read issue 22 of the season 10 comics and I have one thing to say, one really essential thing that NO ONE is talking about - WILLOW DOES NOT HAVE BLUE EYES, PEOPLE!

*Actually, Buffy's eyes also look suspiciously sort-kinda blue on page 23, which is weird because they were green in the rest of the story. But the color is just muddy enough that I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. But Willow's eyes are absolutely blue - clear, beautiful, unmistakeable blue. The first issue that actually features Willow in any significant way this season and they can't get that one basic thing right. *le sigh*

Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 10 022-005_crop1.png
red_satin_doll: (Buffy Has to Do This beer_good_foamy)
                                                                                 
                                                                                           I hate when that happens.
Yup, that would be me. I don't know why. Started it yesterday, almost had it finished: rocking the vote, promoting art comms, and plenty of my icons, entries, alts and extras plus links AND a mini-meta about Drusilla. It was a thing of beauty. [livejournal.com profile] kikimay would have been proud of me.


ANYHOO - GO VOTE. Like, right away for [livejournal.com profile] slayerstillness Challenge 47 because the deadline is midnight tonight Tuesday July7. I won'y lie to you - I had a hellavua time voting because the entries are so much of a piece with one another in terms of quality, etc. This happens a lot at SS - the icons look terrific together. But maybe y'all are more decisive than I am. If it were up to me there'd be no voting, just showing off and sharing. Ergo nothing would get done because competitions - and deadlines - are great motivators.


And GO VOTE in [livejournal.com profile] btvsats20in20 Round 10 Characters AND Themes. Make sure you click all 10 choices in each post. Because it's fun, because the artwork is lovely to look at and deserves all kinds of love; because there's only 21-22 votes cast in both polls and I think we can top it off at a record 30 (color me ambitious). And, because I said so. What the heck, if you're staring at my post right now you either have nothing better to do, or you have a great many things to do but are avoiding, so you might as well spend your time wisely. Deadline is Thursday July 9th.



And finally, I was let go from my job a week ago Monday - sloppily, shabbily and unprofessionally, I might add - and I'm not exactly reeling still but I'm trying to deal. It was unfair and utterly stupid. I'm trying not to let the rage and depression get to me. Being able to pay bills and rent again - on time - was super-duper. Damn it. I'm gonna miss that. And I miss some people I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to.


Not that I'm trying to arose your sympathy or anything but damn it.....
I really hate when that happens.
red_satin_doll: (Fred Burkle Blue)
HERE at [livejournal.com profile] ficamix, inspired by Megan's own artwork. I can't say I'm entirely pleased but I hope it would have pleased her.

Please visit the "virtual memorial" created by [livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip and [livejournal.com profile] angelus2hot and share your thoughts, feelings and memories if you haven't had a chance already. The door is always open and a nice cuppa will always be waiting there.

pickamixlightwillowicononbutterflywingsFINALedit

Click to go to memorial post; icon by me from Megan's original artwork and made with her permission.
red_satin_doll: (Fred Burkle Blue)
HERE on the [livejournal.com profile] ficamix community. Originally a site created by [livejournal.com profile] dragonyphoenix to keep Megan entertained during her illness with gifts from friends, it is now a place for all of us who knew and loved (and were sometimes were driven 'round the bend by) Megan to share our memories, our grief; further gifts of prose and art inspired by and dedicated to her.

Thank you so much to [livejournal.com profile] angelus2hot for the gorgeous memorial banner and [livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip for her stunning prose; and thanks again to [livejournal.com profile] dragonyphoenix for making this possible.. The memorial went up on Sunday but there is no "time limit" to it, no need to worry about being late to the wake; and no need to worry about eloquence or brilliance. Don't have art or a fic? Just want to say you miss her, or howl at the moon because you can't find the words? Or have a funny memory you want to share? Please come. The more we share our grief, the more we are able to give comfort to one another and feel a little less alone.

Reading other people's stories and memories gives each of us a fuller measure of what an incredible woman she was.
118797_600

Banner by [livejournal.com profile] angelus2hot - click image to see original at [livejournal.com profile] ficamix Virtual Memorial for Megan.
red_satin_doll: (Lesbian Vampire Seal of Approval)

All images are also in my scrapbook album, or right click for full-size:

biltmorehotellobbypvd11202014_1

I had two specific avatars for this last "photoshoot" in Providence - two of the dearest people in the world to me, as it happens, and two incredibly talented  and compassionate human beings.  The incredible [livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip, of course, who has encouraged me to show off my photos and so I wondered "what would Gabrielle like to see?" every time I raised my camera.  "How can I convey my love for this city in images, rather than words?"  In the process of trying to describe what I love, I fell in love with Providence all over again.

My other avatar was my dear friend Kendra L. Saunders, also incredible as a person and a writer (full disclosure: I was a beta for her novel Inanimate Objects and her current work in progress is the most sophisticated thing she's ever written. Gabrielle and Kendra have very different styles as authors but both are skilled at blending humor and darkness, capturing eroticism and undercurrents of danger with surprising warmth and compassion for their motley array of characters. I have excellent taste in literature - and in friends, don't you agree?)

Kendra asked me to stop at the Biltmore Hotel when I went to Providence because she had happy memories of her stay there on her first trip to the city last year, abd she thought I'd appreciate it's art deco lobby, originally built in 1922 and renovated in 1979. I went one better and took a few snaps for her enjoyment, and yours.

 






biltmorehotelpostcard11202014final

There are cases in the lobby filled with historic postcards of the hotel, but I couldn't resist making one of my own from the photo below.  I lightened and cropped the original in ipiccy, then applied Photobucket's desaturated filters and the postcard frame.

biltmorehotelpvdlobby2_11202004signed   

The glass elevator was locked, durn it.  And I couldn't figure out how to get to that upper courtyard "balcony" to see the painting at upper left, or get a closer view of the ceiling.
biltmorehotellobbypvd3_nov202014signed

Very art deco - or rather, American deco eclectic; a combination of real F. Scott Fitzgerald and the Baz Luhrmann pastiche version; but in person it's very elegant nonetheless, but also surprisingly comfortable and I dare say private in feel. And no one tried to stop the crazy lady me running around the lobby with a camera.

pvdbiltmorehotelceilingdetail11202014_editedsigned

Detail of ceiling taken from a distance, the best I could get with my Nikkon. I had to lighten the image considerably; as dimly lit as the lobby was I'm pleased I got anything at all. And I brightened and warmed the color a bit to emphasize detail.





red_satin_doll: (Dawn & Buffy)
pvddowncityartsalleydiamondfence1signed
My sweetie liked this one a lot - so do I. Something about the "alley" behind the fence - and about that window, I think - just caught my eye; there's a certain spare elegance to it. This was somewhere in the "downcity arts district" of Providence, around 8 in the morning I think.
red_satin_doll: (Dawn & Buffy)
Click on image for full-size:

pvd dragon2000 self-portrait1_sharpclarity100 percentsigned
Dragon2000 was a Chinese restaurant on Mathewson Street in Providence; according to a sign on the door it has been closed down since Summer 2014, hence the title.
red_satin_doll: (Dawn & Buffy)


new london freeway bridge sunrise signed1



I shot these with my Nikon digital through the car window the morning of November 20th, northbound on the way to Providence Rhode Island. Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip for providing motivation both to take the photos and post them here.  I've created a scrapbook album with my photos from that day, which is a work in progress that I'm still adding photos to and will let you know as updates are posted. Enjoy


nl train station 11 20 2014 warm1


ETA 11/27/14: Yesterday I posted the images in such a way that they did not enlarge properly. That has been fixed. Click and enlarge to your heart's content.



Click all to enlarge:

I95NLCTeastboundtoprovidenceNov2014signed
Driving towards the sunrise on eastbound I-95 from Connecticut to Rhode Island.


new london bank street sunrise 11 20 2014 signed
Intersection of Bank and State Streets, New London CT


I95northboundtowardsRIsunrise2signed

I95northtowardsRI11202014signed


new london freeway sunrise 1.5signed


red_satin_doll: (Barney/Robin OTP)
A prezzie for [livejournal.com profile] snogged, who mentioned on my journal the other day that Barney/Robin are her "BROtp", but also dedicated to [livejournal.com profile] bangel_4e, [livejournal.com profile] kikimay, [livejournal.com profile] beer_good_foamy, [livejournal.com profile] ever_neutral, [livejournal.com profile] ruuger, [livejournal.com profile] punch_kicker15, all the (pissed off) Barney/Robin shippers in the house, and pretty much anyone with half a brain or less because it only takes about 2 brain cells in total to understand that Ted/Robin as the endgame sucked rotten ostrich eggs and was a horrible idea 17 ways to Sunday.

BarneyRobinThebestmaniconbrotp2   BarneyRobinicon2TheBestMan     BarneyRobinThebestmanicon3brotopmuted   369da209-39c4-4fb1-a238-f2b20f08ad18_zpse15117fa 01-04


himym-robin-barney-engagedicon1   robin-barney-engagedicon2blueheart   robin-barney-engagedicon2 05-07
red_satin_doll: (HUGS)
Apparently I did -  my bad. This round is a free-for-all - with a few limitations. Check out the rules and enter by Tuesday the 19th, 8pm EST.

(What are the chances that I'll be able to enter something by then? Zilch. On the upside - my mom cooked the salmon to perfection last night, I made the veggies and my sweetie stayed out of our way outside with her tablesaw. And we all got along and had a lovely evening, woo-hoo!)
red_satin_doll: (The Gift - Trailing Clouds)
Such as, posted your Spike icons for Round 3 of [livejournal.com profile] btvsats20in20 like [livejournal.com profile] rua1412 did and made the rest of us (read: me) look like slackers, put together your entries for [livejournal.com profile] slayerstillness, [livejournal.com profile] otherworldlyric and/or [livejournal.com profile] btvs_hush; posted the lasted chaper of your newest masterpiece in fanfiction (such as [livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip's Blindfold; completed various and sundry errands while making it all look easy or just been generally useful and constructive in your use of time.....instead of putzing around making Buffy Summers fanart out of cloudscapes you shot out of the car window in Vermont....

                                                          Trailing Clouds of Glory Series  1-9 - Click on all images for fuill-size versions
3aee7f48-9daa-4128-91eb-afb56e6ccff0_zps069ff020# 1


ICON30893af0-a162-44f0-abb9-b7b3030806d7_zpsa18bf6af # 1.5  - the icon version


...then clearly you are not me. Congratulations for your wise and sensible choices!

Yes of course I have variations; I can't decide what I like best. Are you mad? I can't even decide what I want to do for Round 3 of [livejournal.com profile] btvsats20in20 and am this close to putting it up a poll.(I could have used the icon above as my starting point - and then decided that I really wanted it for me, right NOW.)






I've been wanting to put together this image of Buffy from the Gift with a cloudscape ever since I worked on "Scroll Fragment 1" a couple of weeks ago, and started really playing with layers, textures and filtes. I did the layers and major grunge or bloom textures in ipiccy, then finished off with my signature, text, San Carmen filter (see #2), frames and minor adjustments etc in Photobucket.


Trailing Clouds of Glory Series -  Click on all images for full-size  versions.  
b72a8b7b-95f5-4550-82ee-2296b189cdd6_zpsaa28751b# 2




bb624e06-f9fb-4bce-bf10-7339a0074e87_zps7d34ac16 # 3


I love the way the clouds look like a classical wreath or tiara around her head. Willow gets the title "goddess" in canon but Buffy's my queen ([livejournal.com profile] kikimay will understand) and I loved the feeling in these images of Buffy as a benvolent sky goddess - perhaps a more upbeat interpretation of the events of "The Gift". (The irony of my use of the word "glory" in the title did not escape my notice.) Granted, a goddess who will come down and get medieval on your ass if you cross Mama.


53a45dba-a0bf-4d8d-8d0b-c2ddb507ad33_zpsab709418 # 4


5ea74b7f-4d44-4c88-bacc-0de6fdaa35dc_zps67dbe6a7 # 5
Her expression is the epitome of what we call a "Mona Lisa smile" - caught halfway between a smile and a frown (it could go either way when I played with the image, depending on the level of contrast), tinged with irony, poignancy and a certain resignation.
15b8ac20-6829-4a39-8186-3ecb68e46b43_zpsa224052a # 6
f57dba5b-2298-4592-a362-8c2839473f94_zps603c5f5c 4a9b94a3-0c17-4365-b2fb-083469912edb_zps525d4e1b 0cebc5bf-14e1-4433-80f9-c8c0f08c7999_zps1dc30e2d # 7-9
Click on images for full-sized versions.
ETA: A couple more variations at my Scrapbook here (f'riends only) .

And yes I really did take the cloudscape out the car window - whilst my sweetie was driving - on macro/food setting. Proof-positive that my Nikon digital camera is absolutely idiot-proof.
signedcloudscapevtbrightenedinpb_zpse26a4923

Click image for full-size (it's reallly pretty! If I do say so myself. This reminds me of a cloud study by Constable or Corot, which only prooves what great artists they were.) Cropped and sharpened ever-so-slightly in Photobucket or ipiccy. I can't remember which.


On the upside, I completed a job application to a big box retailer today.  Cheese on a cracker but those online personality tests are insane.


Now to figure out what to do for the 20in20. (Amends? Sleeper? Tara? Willow/Tara? Joyce? The Summers women? *ponders*)
red_satin_doll: (Smile)
And I can report without hesitation that Vermont is MUCH nicer than Hell.


annehomepostersigned
"Prodigal Daughter" - click limage for full-size version.  Original screencap courtesy of Shadow of Reflection.
Whilst I unpack and sort through all the photos I snapped, talk amoungst yourselves, darlings. Tell me about all your fabulous adventures while I was away. What have YOU been up to?

Nominee, Best Banner, Wicked Awards Round 11
buffy2
red_satin_doll: (The Gift)

HERE

LVSoA_artsy_400


I don't know if this is typical of 20in20's because I've not done any others but I love how free and open the claims are - any character, any season, any pairing. It makes things easier and more of a challenge at the same time.

Is that typical of these sorts of icontests?

Here's hoping that some of the folks who had to drop out from round 2 can come and play this time?   (A couple of folks promised Dawn icons and gosh durn, I want!) Or that some of my f'listies who haven't signed up before take a stab at it?  No names mentioned, just sending the thoughtwaves out there.

And congrats to the winners of [livejournal.com profile] otherworldlyric challenge 177 [livejournal.com profile] dragonydreams and [livejournal.com profile] xclaire_delunex!


IRL news, we arrived safe and snug in our "cabin" and have managed not to murder one another - day one down, go us! *LOL*  So what's  going down - or up - in your world, Gentle Reader?


red_satin_doll: (The Gift - Trailing Clouds)
....with my ladylove on a weeklong trip to Vermont. I feel odd going now that I haven't any income coming in but everything was booked beforehand and my sweetie would lose her deposit, so there's nothing for it except to go and have fun, as [livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip counseled me. And Gabrielle is never wrong. (Literally, yo.)

Try not to miss me too much Oh who the heck am I kidding? Of course I want you to miss me! I already miss y'all and I haven't left the house yet! My computer access will be extremely limited for the next week and I'm already having withdrawal symptoms and separation anxiety.  I'm also mildly freaked out that 1) we'll come back at the end of the week and the whole house will have burned down again, and 2) I'll misplace my beloved Euclid somewhere along the way. Although he insists on coming along and who am I to refuse him?

Anyhoodle in the meantime and until I return:


1 girl sepia black frame signed

"Scroll Fragment 1"

Either a follow up of sorts to my poster for [livejournal.com profile] clockwork_hart1's "Conclusive Etymology of A Summers".
Or a poster that is waiting to find a fic of it's own. Will customize to order. (Snaggable, not stealable.)



***
Be kind and gentle to one another, and have fun.  Make art, not war.

Vote in [livejournal.com profile] otherworldlyric challenge 177 and enter icons in challenge 178 "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark" (a song I was introduced to by Afterthebattle's excellent fanvid "Light 'em up".) Vote in [livejournal.com profile] btvsats20in20 Round 2 if you haven't already. Submit entries in [livejournal.com profile] slayerstillness Challenge 28 "Angel Investigations".

Gift the darling, darling [livejournal.com profile] kikimay with a gift subscription, if one is able to do so; she would be most appreciative. (No pressure, no pressure, just planting a seed and letting it take root.)
red_satin_doll: (Smile)
[livejournal.com profile] bangel_4e very kindly extended Round 1 of [livejournal.com profile] btvsats20in20 from June 4th to June 7th (midnight our time respective time zones).

Thank goodness, because I need 20 icons....I have about 69. Not counting the 40 or so I already deleted or moved to another folder. I completely scrapped the blending ones I did yesterday due to extreme suckage (and not the fun kind either.) My "smile" icon also sucks goose eggs and needs to be scrapped. In fact, I suddenly loathe a whole bunch of them because all I can see is the flaws. I know this because I've been staring at them - too long. And too closely.  (I'm pretty sure staring at the icons with my eyeball about an inch or two away from this little screen would explain my headache. Or it could be martians changing the radio frequency, but whateve.)But my ladylove took the wireless keyboard to work and left me with her older, slower "hey honey I don't think you've got enough files crammed on this thing" laptop instead. Which is slower and harder on my eyes, and doesn't allow me the same control that I'm used to in terms of the "mousepad" vs the mouse. (I can see why some people get those stylus pads that allow them to "draw".) And she's got it set up so the menu bar at the top plays "peek a boo" with me.

In fact, PB won't even show the image when I try to crop it. It won't let me do much of anything today. But I don't know if it's PB or if it's the laptop....*le sigh*

Sure, take away my french easel and my 100% Kolinsky sable hair size 1 brush with a brass ferrule and leave me with a used card table and the cheapest brush in the craft store. Take away my Corvette and leave me with a Datsun. Then take away the Datsun and leave me with a horse-drawn wagon - and then take away the darn horses. Eh, thanks anyway, I'll walk instead.

Also, I haven't kept up with any other icontest challenges currently, and I'm woefully behind in wishing [livejournal.com profile] angearia, [livejournal.com profile] teragramm, [livejournal.com profile] chic_c and [livejournal.com profile] leni_ba very, very happy birthdays.


I'm also woefully behind in in posting my own icons from recent challenges; in keeping up with the latest challenges; thanking everyone who voted my This Year's Girl icon "Best Crop" in [livejournal.com profile] slayerstillness challenge #24, in thanking [livejournal.com profile] tempertemper for the marvelously electrifying - pun completely intended - banner; and in giving a shout out to all the other winners as well as few personal faves. What a marvelous batch of entries.

*guilt sets in*
red_satin_doll: (Chosen One - purple)



Friday night we were walking east down 39th street towards 2nd Avenue (my sweetie fancied a craftbrew at 7pm) and saw this over our shoulders. There was the lightest imaginable mist of rain - not heavy enough to even wet my eyeglasses, but enough to create a lovely haze around the lit-up, bejeweled tower.

Me: "Look at that, honey, isn't it beatiful?"
Her: "Which buildng is that?"
Me: "The Empire State Building....I think. Unless it's the Chrystler Building. No, I think the Empire State...maybe. Which one did King Kong climb up again?"

But at least I can now cross "NYC Tour Guide" off my list of potential careers.
red_satin_doll: (Chosen One - purple)
Tomorrow my sweetie and I are going to NYC - she wants to see the 100th Armory Show on the Westside; stay two nights at the Pod 39 Hotel; then we'll hopefully go to Chinatown, and then Friday spend the day at the Brooklyn Museum of Art. including the Elizabeth Sackler Gallery of Feminist Art on the 4th floor featuring Judy Chicago's installation The Dinner Party (1982) which I've always wanted to see. (Never mind the concept of a separate gallery for "feminist" art as opposed to the presumably "regular" art. Baby steps, baby steps, bitty blah.)  I wll have many things to report, hopefully.

Then when I come back we are packing and (supposedly) moving back into the old apartment; the renovation is nearly done!  We saw it the other day - my sweetie's bedroom has been totally redone, new walls, flooring, windows, new moldings everywhere, paint and light fixtures, etc. they even took up two layers of ugly old linoleum and black glue in the kitchen to expose the original wood flooring. Beautiful job.

Which also means we'll finally be getting away from the people below us in the apartment we're in now and its worth anything just for that because SWEET MOTHER OF MOSES THESE PEOPLE DO NOT SHUT UP EVER. *ugh*

Ergo, if I don't get back to you anytime immediately or post a lot the next couple of weeks, you know why. I'll try to keep up with the macros, icons and suchlike - that shouldn't be hard, I've got 600 or so buffyverse icons sitting in my Photobucket. No lie.

In the meantime, [livejournal.com profile] eilowyn said not long ago that she loved "fluffy stories" about my sweetie and I; which of course meant I stopped telling them. ("But - we're not fluffy people, we argue a lot!" my brain protested.) Just like when someone paid for me to have a free account and [livejournal.com profile] velvetwhip said she looked forward to a "tsunami of polls" and I said "Me too!"  And then have done maybe two since then. Or when my mom asked "What do you want for Christmas?" and I said "I don't know." EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I absolutely shut down. (My sweetie gets the same damn answer to the same question btw. My brain hasn't changed in 40-plus years.)



But last week we were in one of those big-box retail stores, the kind we drag ourselves into because we really need something and even then only upon pain of death, and I told her I felt a little light-headed. I think y'all know I have epilepsy and it's pretty well controlled on medication but those sorts of stores are not good for me: too brightly light, buzzing light fixtures, too much noise, too much sensory overload, etc.

So I said to my sweetie "Keep talking."

"Oh NO, don't you go letting your mind wander off!" (Having a seizure feels at first like you're going into a spell or trance, like a daydream.)

"That's why I need you to keep talking, because it helps ground me and keep focused on where I am. We talk, you annoy the hell out of me, I want to strangle you, it keeps me grounded. See how that works?"

She laughed.

And all I could think right was how much I love this woman, and how lucky was (am) to have her in my life after all these years.

Which is a good thing, because an hour or so later we wanted to strangle each other again.

Love isn't ribbons and bows, kids.

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